Help me to get my mind in order please!

[signet2012]

Right, 21 weeks with first DC .....

nursery = storage room/office/dog kennel.
Purchases made - cot, (without mattress) travel system (without isofix) one sleep suit, one pack of newborn vests and a teddy.

house in middle of being done up... major works although now done mass clean up and lots of "silly itty bitty" jobs still to do. Except baby's room which needs new carpet and painting etc.

5 normal pays left before maternity pay starts. To finish house/get debt down to a reasonable level/sort out baby stuff including hospital bag for me.

Normally have approx 500 pounds left after bills each month to do this with. (also got MOT and Tax due before baby)

So I'm being pulled in a lot of different directions.

Can someone please tell me WHAT do I need for a newborn, what is a must have, and what is a woulld be nice too...

And do I buy 0-3 months or newborn?

you're incredibly organised! i was too superstitious to buy anthing before 38 weeks!!

do you have friends with small children? most people seem desperate to get rid of baby kit, even if temporarily on loan!! especially bulky things like baby baths, bouncy chairs, car seats etc

i've never managed, but lots of friends have found amazing stuff on free cycle, lots of mums at baby groups will be keen to pass things on too...

I got the travel system as a bargain, 200 pound for a 1000 pound travel including all kinds of stuff and it had only been used about 5 times! Have a few friends who have just given birth within the last year who have things saved for me.

How about ebay? I was thinking of Ebay but I'm not sure what kind of things are ok to buy second hand and what are not?

For example would you buy a second hand electric breast pump?

I don't feel very organised :) just a bit like a headless chicken!

do you know if you're having a boy or girl?

i've found a few good things on ebay, and lots of people sell 'bundles'... even if you chuck half of it probably still a bargain.

i definitely wouldn't worry about getting a breast pump as one of your priorities- wait and see how the feeding goes, your midwife can lend you one if your baby needs you to use one, and you'll have lots of contacts to borrow from after a tew weeks of baby clubs etc.

i'd just get the bare minimum, and ask friends for anything that becomes useful- babies really don't need much for the first few months... and friends love being useful!

Well I think you are pretty much sorted for now. All you REALLY need before the arrival is somewhere for him/her to sleep, some vests & sleepsuits, and some nappies (IMO!) When s/he arrives you will have a much better idea of what you actually need or want, and it will be a good reason to get out of the house to go and buy it.

Buy a multipack of sleepsuits and vests in newborn and 0-3 a bit closer to the time, keep the receipt and take back anything you don't use. People love buying baby clothes as presents so you won't be short on clothes. And shops are often very good at exchanging unwanted baby clothes presents even without a receipt, so you can exchange stuff you don't like for things you need. And don't turn down people's offers of second hand baby clothes or paraphinalia.
Join up all the baby clubs (Huggies /pampers/Tescos/Sainsburys etc (Google them) and they will send you lots of coupons and free samples - don't buy loads of nappies/wipes from one brand in case they don't suit the baby (leakage wise not looks wise!). Don't discount own brand nappies either, just as good as the branded ones usually and lots cheaper.
House wise, don't panic about getting the nursery perfect before the baby arrives - s/he won't be in there for another 6 months after birth anyway. Although I would recommend getting any house jobs that you are putting off done now - if you don't find the time now, you won't do after the baby comes (speaking from experience...)
Hospital bag can probably be done without too much hassle, I'm sure there are loads of lists on here or on Google of stuff to pack. My top tip for a hospital bag is to take some disposable chaging mats, there is no where but your hospital bed to change the baby IME, and the poo can get everywhere! And take/buy more maternity pads than you think you need.
My final tip is don't buy the Baby magazines - you will find all sorts of 'must have' items that you never knew you needed or wanted, that will never be used in the end!
Best of luck :)

Thank you so much!

So I'm ok really then. That's a relief. I always had this picture of what "state" my life would be when pregnant and although its a much longed for baby I have fallen at a time when I thought "oh sod it, will get sorted then start trying again!" Committed myself to a load more debt and house renovations and then BFP after 18 months of TTC!! So my perfect little picture as became a bit of a paint splodge. I really need to just breathe and remember whats important!

I don't know yet what I am having my scan is Monday so will know by then all being well.

I also want to leave my horrible job permanently to have as long off as possible for maternity leave so do not want to be in a position where I'm spending silly money. Up to now, everything I have bought is second hand or cheap so feeling quite pleased. Would like to buy everything second hand or cheap if possible as the less I spend the more I can spend on sorting debts/sorting house which means we will be in a position to move (priority as in a bad area) as soon as we can. I'm sure baby won't suffer unduly from not having brand new or top brands. :)

Everyone keeps telling me what they needed but luckily I have some sense but as a first timer I'm also concerned when people say "oh I could not of managed without x,y,z" and its something I never even thought of!!!! Those magazines do make you feel you may as well phone SS if you do not have this and that!

Hi, I tend to go to charity shops, The Children's society is a good one, you can find second hand baby cloth and toys. I only buy those I can give a good clean, I do not buy teddy bears for example but would go for a puzzle (but no hurry about that, time will go by before you buy this kind of toys :) )
I use freecycle also, gumtree and stuff for free from netmums. Sorry MN.

The only things that we've decided that we need to buy new are the car seat and mattress (both for safety reasons). We might end up buying other things new though if we want specific items (i.e. a particular cot rather than any cot).

Don't underestimate what family/friends will want to buy for the baby.

I second the nursery not being a top priority. We don't have an extra room to use as one anyway, but you are advised to have the baby in your room for the first 6 months anyway. So whilst cute (and useful - you are likely to want somewhere to put the clothes baby doesn't yet fit into somewhere as well as well as any bulky toys/equipment when not in use) its not a priority.

It might help you feel more like one of the organised ones if you hear where other mums are at the moment:

We have bought our baby a teddy, some books and some parenting books (for us to read).
My mum has bought our baby one packet of vests and one packet of sleepsuits.

That's it. I'm 25 weeks.

I have researched the style of cot I'd like (but it's out of stock in Mothercare, so we're hunting about for a secondhand one or one in a similar style) and my parents have offered to pay for it. And I know I want to get a sling and baby carrier for most 'transport', but I've also decided on the style of backup buggy we'll need (cheap one that folds very small as we have space issues).

Other than that, my brain is constantly busy mentally reorganising our stuff to try and figure out what storage we'll need/can fit in for baby clothes/changing etc. Practically, I'm failing trying to keep on top of housework and decluttering so that there is room for a baby in our little flat.

I'm a bit nervous of spending money on anything yet in case we need it for something else.. so we need to sit and budget for this little one too. Am going to try and keep running costs low by breastfeeding, and will look into cloth nappies (though there is a bit of an outlay there and huge array of options when I don't know what'll suit us).

I figure that me and DH will be the best toy our baby can have for the first few months. And baby can visit its gran for all the activity centre-type bulky toys that my mum bought for her first grandchild last year as we don't have room for them here!