Going for 3rd or not?

[Sparki74]

Hi everyone, it's been ages since I've been on here, and I would greatly appreciate your advice. I am a mother of a 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl. A third child is in my head and heart now and has been since a few months. Have been talking about it a lot with hubby. Initially back late last year, it was definitely a no from him, however he's not definitely saying no, but it's definitely not a yes either. We plan to make our mind up hopefully by the end of the month. I'm 37 and he's 40.

The thing is he said that he doesn't want to let me down in case I come to resent him in years to come, however he said that many of the choices we made as a couple and as a family were driven by my really looking at everything and the decisions have turned out to be good for the family. And also, he said that when as he loves me, sometimes comprimises have got to be made. I guess I also want to respect his wishes, as I think it has to be a mutual decision. I don't want to be caught up with just myself as there are two of us in it and its important that we look at each others decisions equally.

His reasons for not being too pushed on a third is that he is just 40, and sorta wants to move on to the next phase of family. He also knows that the financial pressures will be more on him. Presently we both work, I work 4 days a week, and he's a full week. A lovely lady minds our kids. I think that initially the financial side won't be a huge thing as we have the set up etc. Just an add on, DH also had a small bout of depression years ago and thankfully is good at looking after his mental health since then, but he's half afraid that if the pressure is too great and things spin out of control, that this may have an impact.

We have an excellent family unit, and kids are great. And I really do think that a third will be a great benefit. There's lots of love to go around. And I like noise, children playing and screaming doesn't bother me. And I think a third would be a great add to the dynamics of the other two children as well as to the family, not only now, but in years to come.I would regard that we have a very honest, open and respectful of each other relationship. But what do you do when the two are at opposite ends of the decision, and one doesn't want to hurt the other?

Something that has also been on my mind is the fact that I know someone who is younger than me and is quite ill with 3 smallies, and there's a lot of uncertainty. And it's been occurring to me, that God forbid, if something were to happen to me, 2 would be a lot safer to manage.

I would appreciate your thoughts and advice
x

hi

i think you just know if your never going to be able to let it go, i was in a similar predicament and really wanted another and my dh wasn't overly bothered either way, he does tend to go with what i want most of the time we started trying and it took along time, around a year tbh at that point id sort of thought it wouldn't happen and i was happy with the dynamics, looking forward to family holidays abroad as our ds were 7 & 3, we decorated the little ones bedroom in big boy stuff (fireman Sam) and brought him a new bed, i went away with my mum and the boys for Oct half term and dh stayed home and sorted the room out, anyhow we fell pg that month!!!! excited shocked and happy with:) i started bleeding and had an early scan and low and behold its twins!!!! so going from 2 to 4 never part of the plan, multiples are in our family but it never crossed my mind and they are identical so not passed down through generations, could be do with my age im 36 and dh 38, greater risk of multiples over 35 apparently!!! im overjoyed and they are little girls which makes the pill easier to swallow, but what im trying to say is make sure you could/would want another as multiples are always possible, good luck with your decision :)

Hiya, I've got a 5 and 3 year old and was happy with how things were; going out as a family, each with their own bedrooms etc.

We had not said no to another but not yes and I kind of had it in the back of my head that although we were happy, we weren't quite 'complete'.

Anyway the decision was taken out of our hands with a surprise hernia that turned out to be a 20 week old baby! The DCs, my DP and relations were all so happy about it that I got used to the idea pretty quickly!

Although we're going to have to make sacrifices and pull back on days out etc because of cost, I'm quite excited about having more of us in the house! Plus I like the fact that they have more moral support among the 3 of them!

I think it sounds like you have a great dh who wants to make you happy and support anything you wish.

Would one more really add much more pressure on your dh with the financial matters? The two dc you have at the moment are still young so it's not like they are going to be hugely older than a third dc, and you're not used to nappies and night feeds etc.

It's obviously a very personal decision and something that needs to be discussed with your dh.

But I have never come across anyone who regretted having another baby. Accidental or planned. Best of luck