Am I being unreasonable?

[Clarabell78]

I am 19+1 and already starting to think about getting organised for the birth (i'm a bit of a control freak so need to have a clear plan in advance for most things!). The problem is that the PIL live around 4 hours away and obviously will want to be around at the birth which I have no problem with whatsoever. What I am wondering though is if I am being unreasonable by not wanting then to stay with me and the OH once we bring the baby home. We do have a spare bedroom but I just feel that I will want it to be just the three of us until we have settled in and got into a routine etc.

This means that we are most likely going to have to ask them to stay in a hotel or similar. I know that they won't complain as they really are lovely but I just wondered if I am being a total cow! Just think it's important that the three of us get the chance to bond as a wee family without there being someone else there in the early days.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, maybe you could pay for the hotel as a gift?

That's a good idea mellowcat! :) thanks

I completely don't think you're being unreasonable. Even with the nicest in-laws in the world, those first few nights alone with a baby are not the easiest and you don't needed the added pressure of guests in the house and wondering if you're disturbing them. If you're thinking of BF-ing this can also be quite an emotional time especially at night and I think it would be easier if you knew you have your own space to do it in.

definitely not unreasonable!
i could not have had other people in the house when it was a struggle to get to the toilet- i did it without dressing for more than a week, and i couldn't have the bathroom door shut in case i needed DH's help with anything.

i'm sure they'll be happy to stay in a hotel :)

Thanks for the reassurance everyone!! I feel much better now - was just starting to get myself in a bit of a tizz thinking I was being silly and forseeing stress! :-)

Not unreasonable at all. I wonder if they might realise this themselves and offer to stay elsewhere anyway. Might be worth dropping some hints when you see/speak to them next.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I would have hated having parents in law or not for a long period of time after the birth of DS. I totally see where you are coming from.
They might think they can help though so I agree you need to discuss this early.

Oh good grief, I think that having anyone to stay just after the birth is a big fat NOT HAPPENING! Besides them being woken up by a tiny but very loud pair of lungs in the middle of the night, if you breastfeed then you want the privacy to be able to do so without anyone barging in - and my boobs were so sore that I wandered about topless with just PJ trousers on for the first week! (hubby didn't seem to mind...) They are parents, I am sure they would understand staying in a nearby hotel. A great piece of advice I was given before I had ds was to be blunt with everyone and say limited visitors with prior warning for the first week or so, and absolutely no guests staying over. I agree with that wholeheartedly! Unless the guests are prepared to change all the nappies and pace the floor with screaming bubs at 1am, 3am and 5am, that is a different story perhaps... ;)

I'm so glad it's not just me. My DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. If they're there when I get home with the baby I'm going to go and stay in a hotel myself.

I'm fortunate in that my OH has been understanding (wants avoid me having a hissy fit) although he does seem to think that it's going to be acceptable for his friends (he has loads) to arrive at the house in an endless stream when we get home. Think we will be having another 'chat' about that issue lol :)

Commutinghell - good plan. If there are guests in your house when you've had the baby I advise refusing to leave the hospital until they have departed!

Clarabell78 - a 'chat' is definitely in order! Baby will still be as cute the following week, when you can sit comfortably, feed without flashing your boobs at his mates, and have the energy to get dressed. Be firm! ;) x

Totally not unreasonable!

Do you know it amazes me what other people think is acceptable. My parents wouldnt dream of imposing themselves but my husband is south American and his family feel the need to be on top of eachother all the time.

It doesn't help that I'm very big on personal space I suppose but I wouldn't even want my in laws or parents hanging around at the time of birth. As far as I'm concerned that's personal time for your family and the grand parents can visit when you're ready

My inlaws stayed with us after ds2 was born. It was a god send. Mil left me and baby to get on with it and she did all the bits I couldn't. Took ds1 to school and housework etc. It felt wonderful knowing I had all that support. With ds1 on the other hand I chose to have no visitors and I quickly became obsessed with the state of the house etc. Couldn't sit and bond with my pfb because I was too busy doing all the things my mil did for me 2nd time round.
Needless to say I've already booked my mils services for when this 1 is born x

I don't think yabu tho.
Good luck

As long as they are helpful and get on with cooking, cleaning etc I think that you will have much more time to bond -with them there doing the work. (it doesn't apply if they are not practical and want to be waited on).

Even if they are immensely helpful I still think it's up to you to choose whether they stay or not. They can still be helpful during the day if they are close by, and if this is their first grandchild they may have forgotten how tiring the first few days can be, and be grateful to have a quiet room to retire to.