Unknown

[wkmmum]

Hi all,

This is my first post so I'm really sorry for starting off this way...

I feel so stupid but having spent the last hour sobbing my heart out I figured I could do with some advice.

I found out last week that I'm pregnant. Think I'm about 6 weeks but as my cycle isn't regular I'm not 100% sure. I have a 7 year old son so it's not like I haven't done this before but had honestly forgotten just how bad it was last time.

A bit of background...I never intended for my son to be an only child but after having him I had horrendous PND. Then just as I was getting on top of that I got physically ill and ended up being diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis). Then nearly 2 years ago I left my husband because of domestic violence.

I've been seeing my partner for quite a while now, although we don't live together and at the mo we live about 60 miles apart. My son lives with me 50% of the time and with his dad the other 50%.

With my first pregnancy the morning sickness was awful. Although I wasn't hospitalised I was put on medication. Towards the end it started getting less severe but I had it until the day I gave birth.

At the moment I'm really not coping. The sickness has kicked off in the last few days and although (so far) I haven't actually been sick the nausea is 24/7 and I'm having trouble eating anything - I can't bear putting anything in my mouth. And I'm absolutely exhausted. My son is with me this week (at his dad's next week) and I feel so guilty because I don't want to do anything, I'm defo no fun and I keep snapping at him. I've told him I don't feel well (don't want to tell him why yet) but I feel like I'm being unfair on him - I got myself into this and now I feel like he's suffering because of it.

I honestly have no idea what to do. I'm absolutely petrified that the sickness is going to be as bad as last time and I have no idea how I'm going to cope. My aunt thinks I should tell my ex I have a stomach bug and ask him to have my son but surely I should be able to cope? I'm going to have to if this is going to go on for any length of time.

Sorry this is so and waffling. I'm not even sure what I'm asking anymore! xx

Sorry for not putting a title - I forgot and don't know how to edit xx

Poor you.

It's really hard dealing with morning sickness and a child.

Have you talked to your GP about this?

It takes two people to make a baby, and no way should you be shouldering this alone - your dp needs to be working out how he's going to emotionally and physically support his family. Immediately.

What's your relationship like with ds's dad, could he go for a bit longer over the holidays? Do you have family support? Fwiw dp's 4yo nephew comes down to stay with us sometimes to give dsil a break, don't be scared to ask :)

It might be a good idea to copy and past your first post into a new thread, give it a title and let this one die.

That sounds a really awful situation you poor thing and what a shock! All my empathies are with you look to here for your support. It sounds like you need to speak to someone professionally as you do not seem in a position to cope with the pregnancy let alone the baby. What is your age if you don't mind me asking?

I'm sorry to read your post and hear you're having a tough time :(

Does your partner know about the pregnancy and how do you both feel about it, health issues aside? I'm not an expert but always read on here how every pregnancy is different. Even if it was the same, perhaps you know what to expect, have better coping mechanisms or know it was worth it in the end? :) You don't have to suffer and should get done support from your healthcare professionals, as well as family and friends :)

Sending happy, healthy vibes your way!

Wow! Didn't expect replies already!

Haven't seen my GP about the sickness but am going to try and get an appt for this week. I'm 35 which actually makes me feel even more stupid!

My ex would agree to have my son no probs but would probably use it against me at some point so I'm reluctant to ask unless I really have to. Don't have family nearby. My partner is going to come down tomorrow for a few days to give me a hand but his comment to me on the phone this eve when I told him I was even struggling to keep the flat tidy was "For god's sake, you're going to have to sort yourself out because this could go on until you have the baby". I think that's what upset me more than anything else this evening xx

oh OP how difficult all this must be. i had comparatively mild ms (didn't get sick, just extremely queasy and very much off my feed) for just 1 month and i struggled to do anything at all around the house... and there aren't even any children in the house for me to tend to! DH is now a dab hand in the kitchen after being forced to take over cooking duties!

and i can't imagine how much harder it is when DP isn't being that nice about it i would also have been upset at that comment. i'm sorry you've been upset like this when you're already feeling so shit!

def go to the GP. don't feel stupid about it! being 35 or not has no bearing on morning sickness or being able to cope or anything like that. and tonnes of women have kids at 35! my mum was 33 with my sister and that was decades ago now.

ms is awful, i really sympathise with you.

Accidents are accidents and it takes two to burst a condom/not pull out in time/forget to take a pill because you're busy. Do you feel you could confide in a couple of your ds's friends mum's (the pg bit, not necessarily all the problems) and see if there are reciprocal favours you can do in return for childcare?

You may need to lay it on the line for your "d"p. This is half his issue - either he steps up or he fucks off.

Hi again all and thanks for your replies.

Have got up in the night to stick my head down the loo and having had to do it again several times this morning, it looks like the actual vomiting has started. Have managed to get a drs appt for tomorrow afternoon and have given up and asked ex to have my son.

My partner is supposed to be coming down later so any more comment like yesterday's and I'll be telling him to turn around and go home - and not to bother coming back until he's able to be a bit more sympathetic and supportive. Things are bad enough at the mo without him making things even more difficult xx

Good for you! Ime most people need the occasional dose of "this is what will happen, fuck off if you don't like it" from people who are normally pretty easy going. It keeps the line between Doormat and Respect clear

Btw congratulations

Honey there are no shoulds! You have not given up by struggling to care for your son, you've done the responsible thing by sending him to the parent that can give him the best care right now. That is a very hard thing to do and proves how much you care for your DS.

As for your DP, does he have kids himself? If not he probably can't imagine how debilitating early pregnancy can be. My brothers were almost ridiculing me for making a fuss at the weekend until they got their heads around it. And my brothers are amazing people!

Hopefully when your DP sees you it'll be a bit more real for him and you can work out the support he can give you.

Yes, Congratulations.

People who haven't suffered bad morning sickness will never understand how awful it is. When I told DH it was like having the worst hangover he had ever had for months on end he began to get it.

Take every little bit of help anybody offers and ask people who don't offer.

Thanks for all your kind words and congratulations.

My partner doesn't have any children so you're right and he probably has no idea just how bad things can be. I hadn't thought of it that way.

As well as seeing my GP tomorrow I've also jus managed to book an acupuncture session. I've had acupuncture for pain before and it was amazing. Have been reading that it can help with morning sickness so have decided to give it a go. Right now I'll try anything! xx

Congrats, OP, on your pregnancy.

I agree with the other comments so far.

Maybe your DP could benefit from you pointing him in the direction of useful websites with info about morning sickness or hyperemesis gravidarum. Mumsnet is a good one to start with

I have a 2 year old and only vomited a few times during that pregnancy and didn't feel much nausea. Am now 20 weeks pregnant with DC2 and have been sick approx 4 times a day, ended up in hospital for a few days around the 9-10 week mark. In fact, some friends and family found out that I was pregnant when I was in hospital as DH and I didn't want to lie about why I'd been admitted.

What I'm trying to say is, you are not alone, you can moan and look for support on Mumsnet, I certainly have! You can't always control what your body does - such as vomiting or having PND, but you can influence a bit of the situations you find yourself in.

Go to your GP and ask for anti-sickness meds. I've been taking Cyclizine 3 times a day since I was in hospital and it has helped a lot.

Firstly, big hug for you! Early pregnancy is so not fun - I had forgotten how bad it was too! I am sharing your 24/7 nausea... it started at 7 weeks and I'm now 10+3. My first pregnancy I had it until 16 weeks but this time round it does actually seem to be improving - better during the day and just bad in the evenings. It helps when I eat, so long as I can stomach the food - so I am now turning into a cow, constantly chewing the cud. Yeuch!

I'm a GP so I got myself on cyclizine - some GPs are reluctant to give out any meds to pregnant women, which is a bit old-fashioned, so if you struggle to get an anti-sickness tablet then book an appointment to see one of the other GPs in your practice and explain that you are struggling to function - emphasize the struggling to look after your son, that should persuade them. There is more than one type of anti-sickness tablet, so your GP may not necessarily give you cyclizine, but they are all about as effective as each other. One of my colleagues insists that they did nothing for her morning sickness on their own but when combined with acupuncture it worked wonders.

Have you seen a midwife yet? They will ask you about previous PND, so make sure you don't sugar-coat things and tell her exactly how you are feeling. You want plenty of support during and after your pregnancy and they should help provide that, along with early anti-depressants if you do feel that way again.

Remember, the first trimester does come to an end, and most women start to feel much better then - it may feel never-ending now but it will improve and this is the worst bit. Take care x x

I'm glad people seem to have got relief with meds (and acupuncture). It gives me hope. I was actually thinking earlier that I might've overreacted. But I just seem to feel better for a couple of hrs in the middle of the day (still feel sick but it's not overwhelming) and it's defo getting worse again now.

Haven't seen a midwife yet. In fact, I think my GP said I wouldn't see anyone til 12 weeks, although I can't remember if that's what happened before! I won't be sugar-coating the PND - I know I'm going to need all the support I can get, both in pregnancy and after I've had the baby. I was actually under a psychiatrist until recently. I'd been seeing her since I had PND and before she discharged me she said I could ask to be referred back to her if I ever got pregnant again. As far as I can work out I fell pregnant the day after I last saw her!!! So I'm trying to arrange being referred back to her xx