Feeling a bit panicky about PIL visit

[Makemineashandy]

Hi Ladies,
I'm due on the 20th June and from down-under and wanted your opinion on this. We told our parents really early that I was pregnant mostly because we were going home for Christmas and my mum had shingles and my DH parents were planning a trip over here this summer and we were going to go on holiday together with BIL in his family who live in Finland.
The next email I had from MIL was their trip was all booked and they were going to be arriving in London on the 18th June and coming in and out of London for a week at a time until the end of July with one of those weeks with BIL,SIL and their DD 2.5yrs DS 5 mths (DD is a complete horror, very cute but they have very strange child rearing ideas and she runs circles around them and is out of control). Thank goodness they aren't staying with us but in a hotel but just feeling a bit stressed about having them around when I'm about to give birth and/or straight afterwards with a newborn trying to figure out what the hell I am doing...I would just rather not have the pressure of needing to see them or have them hanging around the house because they are only here for a short period. I've tried to bring it up with my husband and he thinks I'm being unreasonable and his response was an unhelpful - I will just tell them not to come because you can't cope. They are lovely PIL's and I couldn't ask for better (MIL has had four of her own and will be a wealth of knowledge) but would just appreciate being able to get to grips my first baby for the first couple of weeks with out the pressure. I flip from being okay about it and then completely panicky again.....AIBU?

This crops up time and again on MN - new mums want to protect their space and bond with their baby in peace, while parents and inlaws want to be around to help from the second labour starts. Usually, the husbands don't see the problem with having a spare pair of hands so the mums feel pressurised and as if their partners are being unsupportive. At least, that's how it felt like to me. The general consensus is that the mother should get to choose who visits and when, and everyone else can lump it, but in my experience it's not always that simple. In your case I think you have to acknowledge that your PILs are coming from a long way away, but you could lay the groundwork for protecting your space by letting them know gently now that you are not sure how you'll feel in the run-up to and after the birth, but you will be certain to let them know when you are ready to receive visitors, probably a week or so after you leave hospital. Try to get your DH onside too - I never managed that part but this time (I'm pg again myself) I am standing my ground. FYI my NCT teacher gave good advice: she said the best thing you could do was go to bed for two weeks with your new baby to bond and get feeding underway established. I couldn't keep my PILs away but I took her advice and kept largely to my bed. (It was quite nice to be able to take a bath with someone watching her though :)

Thank you Thereistheball. I just wished they had consulted with us before booking the whole trip and then letting us know they were bringing BIL and his family over too. They are lovely people and I don't want to start an uncomfortable situation with them but I am having visions of going into labour and not being able to get rid of them and having my niece running around causing chaos! I'm sure it will be fine but being my first DC I guess I would have appreciated the space to enjoy the experience but if we were living back home everybody would be around like a shot anyway

Hi, quick post as I'm going out. Can you have a chat with sil about how panicky it is making you feel? If she has just had a new baby she maybe able to understand. Or when you next speak to mil and she asks how you are doing pregnancy-wise just be honest with her. You never know it may help. I'm sure they are just excited about the new baby. If they weren't interested or planning to visit they would be in the bad books won't they!!!

There are loads of threads on here about 'managing' visitors after having a new baby. Good luck and enjoy your summer baby.