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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should I be this upset?

19 replies

TrueRomance28 · 02/04/2012 22:33

I'm 26 weeks pregnant & last Wednesday I had to have my cat put to sleep. Since then I've been a total wreck & can't stop crying. Theres been a cat in my family home (where I recently moved back to) for the past 22 years, 16 of those were with this cat, and now the place feels empty & everything reminds me of him.
I just don't know if I should still be this much of a mess? I'm so worried about what all the upset is doing to the baby. I'm usually great at dealing with sad stuff and very good at picking myself back up but its just not happening this time. The boyfriend is getting angry at me and I'm getting upset at his lack of support. I'm a mess! I know everyone thinks I'm so silly crying over a cat.

Any suggestions on how to cheer me & my baby up??

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Manda91 · 02/04/2012 22:36

Firstly hugs

Losing a pet is the same as losing a member of family! It's heart breaking, your allowed to cry and be upset and deserve a bit of support.. It takes time, but you will feel better, try thinking of good memories and that your cat is in a nicer place now.
In the mean time try spoiling yourself with a good chick flick, chocolate and cup of tea! X

Cydonia · 02/04/2012 22:52

Don't feel silly, your cat was part of your life for 16 years, of course you're going to be upset. Makes me so mad when people go down the 'it was just a cat' road! The lovely pregnancy hormones won't be helping either. I think the Blue Cross run a bereavement support service (try googling it) if you're struggling, no one needs to know you've rung them. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Original poster

TrueRomance28 · 02/04/2012 23:44

Thank you both. I feel so silly! I may try the Blue Cross line, I didn't know they had that, what a lovely service.

Thanks for the support

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PoppyS34wantsminieggs · 03/04/2012 07:48

I'd feel the same, whether I was pregnant or not.! Just because it's a pet, doesn't mean it's not part of your life. Don't feel silly. It will take a while to get used too.

Sorry for your loss :( try to spoil yourself for a bit and ignore boyf. I don't think some blokes see things the same way.

milk · 03/04/2012 07:54

Yes, you should. I wasn't pregnant when I lost my cat and it took me months to feel better :(

sparklekitty · 03/04/2012 08:53

If it makes you feel better I just cried reading this post! I can't imagine loosing our cat, she is the centre of our home (until the baby comes along)

I don't think you should feel like you have to have picked yourself by now. Take the time to grieve, because thats what you're doing.

I really feel for you hun xx

Lovemarmite · 03/04/2012 09:33

Yes, it's normal! I think we're going through similar feelings.

A big hug to you x

We're going through the imminent loss of ours and I've cried buckets.
Saw the mw yesterday and she was very understanding and was not concerned that being upset would harm the baby - she told me lots of women cry throughout pregnancy and go on to have a healthy happy baby. She shrugged off my concern and so hope this may make you feel less worried that your grieving is affecting your LO.
To be honest, our cat news has also affected our DH relationship a bit too and he's gone off the handle at times, which is really unheard of from him, plus I've been needing his support and he seems to be dealing with it differently.
Hope it gets easier.

SarryB · 03/04/2012 11:04

Aww you poor thing!

I took on a very elderly cat a couple of years ago (her owner was moving to Russia!) and only had her for about 8 months before she died. I felt very guilty, as I had gone away for a girly weekend and only been away for one night, and left my boyfriend in charge. He rang me at about 10am to tell me that she'd died. I was so upset, I cried - and what was weirder, was that my friend who was with me, had left her guinea pig with her boyfriend recieved a call at the same time saying that it had died as well.

Don't worry about feeling so sad. I cried cos I could only find one shoe the other day.

blacktreaclecat · 03/04/2012 11:17

You poor thing. I would be devastated in your shoes. I'm so sorry about your baby cat.
Normally I would suggest a new kitten. I always feel that giving a lovely home to another furry feline especially if from RSPCA etc is the best way to honour the memory of your beloved pet. But a kitten and a new baby might not be the best idea?
Xxx

Elsathelion · 03/04/2012 17:18

OP I am so sorry for your loss.

As other posters have said, I don't think you need to worry about your baby, but do make sure you are looking after yourself. My old pusscat was put to sleep three years ago and I had to take time off work because I was so upset and I wasn't even pg!

It is just a sign of how much your puss meant to you - he was clearly a very special cat and I bet he felt really loved given how much you miss him now.

It's totally normal to need time to grieve. As others have said, there are bereavement services out there; I think the blue cross also do an email support service (I wish I had known that when my puss passed away as I tried calling a phone support line but was crying too much to talk )

Big hugs to you and do take as much time as you need to feel better xxxx

NoMoreMarbles · 03/04/2012 17:24

Not exactly the same but when I was in early preg with my first (ended in MC) I rehomed my dog and cried for about 90% of my day for the following week it's the hormones... My preg with DD we lost all our fish in the fish tank and I sobbed for each of them! I can't imagine how I would feel if I were to lose my lovely cat and to throw in pregnancy... I'm so sorry for your loss

tabulahrasa · 03/04/2012 17:34

Of course you're upset, your cat died 6 days ago...it may well be 'just a cat' but that doesn't mean you can't be upset.

It took me about a week before I just wanted to burst into tears constantly, 2 weeks before I could talk about my dog being PTS without crying and I still welled up on the first Christmas he was gone (he used to eat the carrot) and the first sunny day after he was gone (I've nothing to walk) and it took me a good 6 months before I stopped looking for him in the hall when I came in.

Of course it's not in the same league as losing a human member of your family - but it's still sad.

For what it's worth while pregnant I once cried for 3 hours because I ran out of tomato soup at least losing your cat is actually worth crying about

Original poster

TrueRomance28 · 03/04/2012 17:58

Aww thank you all so much for the lovely posts. It was a nice suprise when I came online and I'm so glad I'm not the only one whose felt like this. My cat really was a member of the family (he had the same surname as me and everything :) ) and I will always miss him. You've made me realise I need to stop presurising myself to "feel better".

I'm going to focus on the baby shopping and other nice things, lots of retail therapy and accept that he'll always be missed.

SarryB & tabulahrasa you both gave me a giggle! Tears over soup & shoes are just the kind of thing I'd do too!!

Thanks again, you are all lovely.

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RedHotPokers · 03/04/2012 18:06

The only time I have ever seen my DH really cry (as in bawling) was when our cat died. He was in more of a state that at his DM's funeral! (not suggesting he loved cat more than DM, just that it really go to him emotionally).

Original poster

TrueRomance28 · 03/04/2012 19:38

Its the only time i've seen my dad cry. And my mum was crying & so was I, so there was this weird awkward family hug. Funny how an animal can make such an impact on a family

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ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 04/04/2012 01:57

Ah, poor you. Losing a pet is horrid - 3 years ago, my Mum and I took our family dog to be put down (he was very, very ill and in constant pain, we had tried everything). DP was gigging that night (a sound engineer) and I insisted on going with him, Couldn't be at home alone, was too sad. Within an hour, I was sat in the corner behind his mixing desk, clutching several glasses of wine and sobbing my heart out, with mascara trailing down my face. I'm certain everyone there thought I was bonkers! Gig was in an hotel, and the hotel manager ended up giving me a room and bringing me tea and sandwiches, as he felt so sorry for me.

Seriously, sob away Pet, it helps to get it all out. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

TrueRomance28 · 04/04/2012 23:29

Aww poor you. And bless that hotel manager!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has found it this hard. My boyfriend doesn't understand and it was manking me think I was going mad, but he hasn't had a pet since he was really young so I guess he wouldn't.

I'm feeling more "together" today, I just miss him so much, but keeping myself busy seems to be the way forward.

Thanks for the support

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Madasaspoon · 04/04/2012 23:36

I am so sorry about your cat :(

No one should be angry at you for grieving! Don't pay any attention to anyone who thinks you are being silly or says it's "just a cat" - they don't understand, that's all.... and how sad for THEM that they have never had that kind of companionship with a pet!

It doesn't help that you're probably a bit more delicate than usual right now, so it's harder to bounce back when things like this get you down. Be kind to yourself...

Original poster

TrueRomance28 · 06/04/2012 12:58

Thank you Madasaspoon

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