Birth without a birthing partner - was it right for you?

[Mothpop]

My DH is off to Afghanistan in 3 weeks for a 6 month tour of duty with UK Armed Forces. Our first child is due around the point that he will be back for 2 weeks R&R in late July..... fingers crossed the timing will be brilliant and all falls into place...
... there is so much that can go wrong with this plan!
I have thought a lot about a birthing partner if DC arrives when DH is not present and just cannot get my head around it. I have some very dear girl friends but cannot imagine any of them being with me at this point in time. My mother is an even worse proposition - domineering is an understatement!!
I am not sure why I feel like this - I guess that appearing so vulnerable in from of someone who is not DH just makes me cringe.

Has anyone out there given birth alone and had a good experience? Or, do you regret it? I would love to know your opinions.
Thank you in advance.

Hi I gave birth on my own with dc2. We live over 300 miles from all our family and had arranged for ds1 to go to our neighbours when the time came, but they didn't hear me calling or knocking at 2 in the morning, So dh took me to hospital with ds1, saw me settled then had to go home. It was fine, I had a lovely midwife and gas and air! I just got on with it and was able to fully focus on giving birth. I was sad for him because he missed it but that was all. I rang dh when ds was born and managed to get my choice of name
Best of luck to you

I am going back to England at 36 weeks, so My dh will still be overseas when I give birth. I will be staying with my inlaws with my six year old. I do not want either of them at the birth, my sil has offered and I think she is great, but she smokes and I do not want to smell smoke at all. My friends live in north London but dd was a very fast labour and I don't want to rely on one of them and have them not get there in time. I will be about 2 hours away.

I have decided to hire a doula, I had one with my dd and she was great. I thought about being alone but even things like taking a shower afterwards means I have someone to watch the baby.
Is a doula an option for you? I am hiring a trainee, so it will cost me about £200 plus mileage so I think it is worth it.

My sh cannot handle hospitals and I was secretely relieved when he said he couldn't face the delivery room. I wanted to be on my own and I was able to completely focus. Different for you maybe as you wouldn't choose that, but really you would be fine. Anyway all my doctors told me most babies are born on their due date so you'll prob be fine!

Dh not sh!

I've had 3 DC. With DC2, I just had me and the midwife there as DH was looking after DC1. It was the best. And I say that from a position of loving and trusting my DH utterly.

I liked not having to worry about anyone else at all.

I liked the all-femail vibe of it.

I felt very at ease, uninhibited.

I think the midwife was extra kind as it was only me!

This was a HB though - not sure I would be as positive if I'd been left alone in a hospital, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted it for my first birth.

There is no-one else I would have wanted with me - alone was better than observed by someone I would have felt obliged to put on a performance for.

DD2 came on the day of a family wedding where DD1 was bridesmaid. DH dropped me at the hospital and went to the wedding. He didnt enjoy being there the first time anyway. I'd prepared myself so well that i could have done it at home on my own. It was me and my lovely midwife. No probs. I definately wouldnt have had anyone else there.

Hiya my DP is in the Army too and although is not in Afghanistan may not make it back in time. We are also hoping for a timing miracle (& a slightly early baby) as he's due to be at home the 2 weeks before my due date & a few days after - I plan to live off pineapple & curry those weeks it's really hard as I was like u and couldn't think of anyone else - my mums usually a controlling stress head who would do my head in, but the past few weeks has been a new person and will be coming to my birth - even if DP is Home. I know a few people who have given birth alone & they say the midwives give you even more care & attention. Xx

My dh didn't make it to the hospital in time for dd2 as we'd been transferred to another county due to bed shortages and the 'active' stage of labour was super fast. I would have preferred him to witness his child's birth, and at some points I did feel very frightened because things were happening so fast and I needed someone to be there just for me to keep me calm.

However - I felt very empowered by the birthing itself, and was so focussed on the job I forgot all about dh at that point.

I think if you're well prepared you will be fine. I do echo someone else's suggestion to hire a doula - I hired one for dd2 and she also missed the birth for the same reasons as DH, but I do think it's the preparation she did with me that kept me so focussed and in control during those final stages.

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.
I hadn't thought of a doula so will definitely look into that - it may be difficult to find one in deepest darkest Norfolk!!!
I am hoping that if I am alone then I will feel really empowered by doing this. Normally I am very much in control and like to achieve things independently but this is an experience that I have no idea about!!!

Mothpop -NCT are training doulas now and you can get good discounts depending on income too. They also have a years university training rather than the week or weekend offered by some doula organisation. All the info is on their website I think If you google NCT birth companion.

Hth