due v soon. dh a knob. don't want him at birth. wwyd?

[creativepebble]

Hi all.
Dh totally typical in just not getting it. Have just finished work and am due in next few days. Also have toddler. Completely knackered and not ready for 2nd dc and fed up with Dh saying how tired he is.
No support and now all barriers are up. Don't really want his negative crap at the birth either. Is this unfair on him? Is this taking something away from him?
Not a happy situation at home and I've just been getting on with it for ages for the kids. I don't see much of a future but I'm my own worst enemy and am still fighting for it to work. Been to relate but he's too arrogant and thinks it's all me.
Sorry, a rant I know, but totally lost.
What would you do?
Thanks.

Poor you - nothing like being pregnant + toddler and having to listen to someone else say how tired they are!

Next time he brings it up why not say that if he's that tired, perhaps it would be better not to attend the birth as it's bound to go on for ever and will just make the situation worse for him - much better that he gets some sleep so he can be on good form when it's all over.

Basically, if you don't want him there then don't have him.

If you don't want him there tell him so and tell him why. It might encourage him to get his act together. If not then tough - you have every right to choose your birth partner or to choose not to have one.

Men never grow up!!! If you want things to change, unfortunately it will most likely be you who will have to do that.

Can anyone look after your toddler one day at the weekend, so DH and yourself can have a restful day? Once your DH is not so tired (which I suspect is causing his catty behaviour), maybe he might be a bit nicer to you?

All brilliant advice, thank you. So helpful to see it through eyes that are not jaded and pissed off with things.

Most men aren't arsehats who've never grown up.

If your husband is being a tool, then you need to tell him because your health and that of the baby is paramount and if he can't be positive or supportive them don't bother having him there.

Do you have a close friend who could help you as a birthing partner?

Is he secretly worried sick and hiding it all behind acting like a total jebend?
Mine is currently working 15 hour days, talking about nothing but work and then stomping about the house muttering about sharp edges (idiot, there are 5 months to go!). I can't get angry with him because I know it's him panicking about being the sole provider and he needs to sort himself out in his own time. And he will, if he doesn't he will witness me in a full on hormonal rage and fear for his own appendages.
I would agree with others that maybe you suggest to him you'll have someone else with you, either he will agree and he can be in charge of your toddler or he will realise it's time to shake of the sulks and put his own feelings aside.
Men.

Your collective wisdom is definitely right; he has started smoking again (selfish bastard), outside and stuff, but he's obviously worried.. and I suppose I've been too wrapped up in being huge, working and dealing with our toddler, household chores and getting ready for the new one to notice. He's not a talker either so I need to become telepathic I suppose.
As for the birth... I've told him that if he stinks of fags I will go mental and not have him there anyway. I could ask a friend too, but my main concern is our dd who's 2 and we shall see what happens...
Sometimes I wish I lived in one of those tribes where the women go off into the wilderness to do women's business and stick together and the men are not around.
It shouldn't be this hard but then that's how it's working out.
Thanks.

"Sometimes I wish I lived in one of those tribes where the women go off into the wilderness to do women's business and stick together and the men are not around."

I want that too

I love my husband very much, but sometimes his male logic is ridiculous!!!

I hear you Milk!

What male logic though? Surely this is an oxymoron...