Would you be offended if a friend gave you baby advice?

[blushingmare]

Hi all - just wanted to ask a question of you who already have babies....
I'm a paeds physio so know a bit about babies, their development and what can help or hinder it. My best friend has a 6 month old. I've noticed whenever I'm round there (which is quite frequently) that he never spends any time on his tummy and in fact rarely ever spends time on the floor - he is always strapped into his bouncy chair. Yesterday when I went round he was having great fun in a door bouncer.....
He was born with non- structural talipes (club foot), which is fixing itself. He's now six months and can sit supported but isn't showing much sign of rolling.
I know it's still early days for him and this doesn't mean he's delayed right now, but I worry that he has some signs that he may be. Put it this way, if he came into my clinic Id be recommending loads of stimulating floor play, tummy time and definitely no bouncer!

My question is, should I mention anything to her. She is a very close friend and I normally talk to her about everything, but I feel I might be over stepping the mark to be giving her parenting advice (especially when I am also expecting and am sure I will be making lots of mistakes!)

Could you buy her this?

www.amazon.co.uk/Lamaze-Spin-Explore-Garden-Gym/dp/B000I2MRHE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332781991&sr=8-1

I hate advice, but I love presents :)

You see if I was your friend then, knowing your job, I would be asking you for all the advice you had. It is obviously trickier if she never asks for advice. Do you know for sure he isn't on the floor when you're not around?

My DD screamed the place down whenever I put her on her tummy, I had read all the advice, felt like a terrible mother. I tried all the time, but each time with the same result.

At 5 months she turned over from back to front and screamed until I put her back, but then kept doing it and about 2 weeks later managed to turn herself from front to back again. After that she was perfectly happy on her tummy.

Have you asked her about it rather than assuming she isn't doing it? Babies don't tend to know the textbook guidelines and can be very strong-willed.

It is difficult. Is there a way of mentioning in a conversation an example of 'one of your patients' which could be a similar situation where you tell your friend what advice you gave them? That way you are not appearing to criticise her methods but are still passing on advice.

I agree that I would be wanting to ask you loads of questions if you were my chum, but maybe she isn't because she doesn't want to take advantage of your friendship - not that I think she would be, but people can see things in different ways.

Or, could you mention that you will be asking her millions of questions when your DC comes along, and will she mind you asking?? Obviously, you don't mind her asking you if she has any questions etc....

Well he doesn't have a play gym or mat or anything and I asked her early on if she'd like one as a pressie and she said she wasn't too keen as she doesn't like the way they look - don't fit in with the decor! I think that was a bit of a joke, but I know she's not a fan of the big colourful stuff, prefers pretty pastelly baby stuff and also they live in a small flat and I know she hates having stuff out and cluttering the place (this makes her sound like a terrible mother, she's really not!!). So I don't know that he doesn't have time on the floor, but I do know that he doesn't have a "space" for floor play, but you're right, maybe I'm making assumptions. I know he does spend time on the bed with her for playtime so I'm not saying he's never out of the chair, just in an ideal world he'd be out more IMHO. Just writing this is making me think I probably should just leave it hey? Everyone has their own ways of bringing up their kids, and it probably won't do any harm in the long term (oh but won't I feel bad if he does end up with delay....)

Thanks westwing - that's an idea. Need to work out how to do it without sounding fake though - she knows me too well!

You can get pastelly playmats / playgyms.

We were given 3, and the one from mamas & papas was very pastelly.

I think if your advice is going to improve his condition then go for it. It may make her a little upset to begin with but when she reflects surely she will understand your motives.

My DS is 6 months he has some mobility problems and a level of hearing impairment.

I have worked with children (many with disbailities) for years but have to admit that I was in denial about the early signs that he had these problems. When my family pointed them out to me I did get a bit defensive (certainly didn't fall out with anyone, but I was quite dismissive when it was raised) that lasted about a day, then I called HV for advice because i could no longer deny what I could see. Since then we have been refered to physio, paediatrician and audiology and ENT.

Chances are in her heart of hearts your friend knows that something may not be right with her DC and a supportive chat with a good friend might be all she needs to nudge her in the right direction.

Looking back I think I was so determined not to be a neurotic first time mother that I was overlooking signs that DS needed more support than i was giving him. I am now learning that the whole point of motherhood is to be a bit neurotic about your children

Also do not underestimate how hideous it is to do tummy time with a baby who despises it. I don't blame anyone for not persisting with it when faced with the sort of screaming that my DS did before he could support his head. Also having a refluxy baby adds an extra layer of hell to tummy time. So whilst I know it is beloved of physios, mothers have many many reasons to avoid it

Good luck with your friend and also with teh rest of your pregnancy

Next time you're having a cuddle with him, sit on the floor and give it a go, you could just ask casually ask does he like it on his tummy before you do it if you like? If he screams blue murder you'll know one way or another! None of mine liked being on their tummy but it doesn't appear to have done them any harm