Close friend has PND what can I do to support her?

[heartmoonshadow]

Well title says it all I have a close friend who had a difficult pregnancy and birth. She had a little girl in December and ended up staying in hospital nearly 6 weeks (anti and post natal) and her daughter has a range of problems feeding, sleeping being underweight etc. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and she is very negative about pregnancy, childbirth and babies in general. I would like to be able to support her a bit but as I have no experience of PND I dont know what I can do to help. BTW she has been officially diagnosed not just hearsay. Any suggestions?

Can you make her a bunch of meals to stuff in her freezer? Is her freezer big enough for a bunch of casseroles?

Or, just inviting her round with baby to slouch on your couch?

You must feel torn between wanting to support your friend and looking after yourself. Negative stories about pregnancy or childbirth or the postnatal period could be damaging to you. For example fear can make childbirth a lot worse.

I suggest that you visit her. Your friend would benefit to someone listening to her in a non judgemental way and don't give any advice. Maybe bring her some food that she can heat up. As the weather gets warmer try and gently encourage her to get some fresh air. Prehaps try encourage her to go to some postnatal groups. For example the NCT runs a bumps and babes group in many areas which would benefit you both.

Thanks for the swift advice I don't think she would accept me cooking for her as she is very independent but I think having her here to slouch would be a good idea. I am not really that worried about her negative birth stories as I had similar problems for the birth of my little boy and although I am nervous about giving birth again I know that it is only a day or so out of my life for a fab reason a baby and this time I get a little girl who my DS is raring to meet so that will be fun!

Just to add to the slouching on the couch thing, me and my best friend quite like having lazy movie afternoons. You can be with each other without the pressure. Pick a easy-going film, maybe one that makes you laugh. We like watching Disney movies but then we are a bit daft, you could pick comedies or romcoms etc.

We have microwave popcorn or bacon sarnies and chat and watch the movie.

I don't have experience of PND, but I have had depression at other times. I think its good to be with someone for company but without pressure to talk about difficult stuff unless I want to.

Just let her know that you are there for her and will listen to her without judgement if she wants to talk, or will happily spend time in her company doing other stuff if she doesn't want to discuss it too.

Having her over for a meal means she doesn't have to cook that night but it's not quite as much like offering help as turning up with meals for her freezer.

My bf had severe pnd, she was almost sectioned.

My advice is to be there for her and make sure she knows you're available to talk at any time. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about anything and don't be too sympathetic to her. Be strong and supportive.

Is she getting the right treatment? It took over a year for my bf medication and diagnosis to be done properly.

Do you think she's ready to join a pnd group? My bf went to one twice a week with the baby. And there was. a 'leader' - not sure what her job title was, but she lead the group. You could confide in her.

It gave my bf a chance to mix with people feeling similar to how she was feeling and also seeing people getting better. But she didn't start going until about a year after the baby's birth.

It's really just support that you can give and be there for her. I know it's difficult to know what to say at times and it's frustrating when you just want them to be well again. But hopefully it will come in time and she will be eternally grateful.

Good luck with your baby