Have just told DF I don't want to be with him...I'm ten weeks pregnant

[caija]

Just as the title says really :( .... Thought a few weeks back that this was hormones, but I really don't think it is.. I am sooo scared at being on my own. I have 2dc already, dd, nearly 11 and ds, 5 who has severe special needs. My kids will all have different dad's and for that I feel soo guilty. I was 19 when I got preg with my dd, the relationship lasted a year in total as he was cheating, I was then on my own for a year, met ds's dad, we were together seven years and split last August, I had only been with dc3's dad two months when I got engaged and then fell pregnant. N was so in love. At the time. Now I'm soo not ....soo I'm on my own..

Have you thought about couples counselling? It might be worth discussing the issues before making long-term plans.

Hi AKMD, no, not really. I really don't feel like I should for him :( counselling isn't an option xx

Is there something in particular that has happened? I have been with DP for almost 7 years and we have 1 DS already. In the first fews weeks of this pregnancy I felt the same as you, I was seriously considering my options and how I would cope on my own. We ended up having a frank discussion and decided to keep at it. At almost 18 weeks we are getting on a lot better, I think we obviously have certain issues that were intensely magnified during that time but we are now working through them again. Is it really not worth counselling?

Sorry to be harsh without knowing the full story but from the details you've given it sounds like you're being a bit immature. You were engaged to this man and are having a baby with him but you are not willing to talk through the issues and try to resolve this at all?

It's your right to break up with him but I really think for the baby's sake it merits further attention.

I think it is very very very rare for that "in love" feeling to last, tbh. But it can turn into a deeper, more profound, enduring love that is worth a million of that initial rush. But that kind of love takes time and work and involves a big commitment. If you don't think you and he have enough of a foundation to build something on, then maybe he's not the right person to commit to. But if it's just about not being "in love" anymore, you might risk throwing away something really valuable (mutual support, trust, abiding commitment, affection, respect...) for the sake of an ideal that doesn't exist.

But only you know how you do and don't feel and what you do and don't want. If you feel being with him is bad for you, or wrong for you (or your kids) then maybe it's better to cut your losses sooner rather than later. But you're having a child together, and, if he's a decent man and he loves you, do think very carefully before making any big decisions.

Thatboysmum, nothing in particular has happened. Did you feel this way too?? Wow. I don't know, what If it is hormones? I have no real way of knowing. AKMD, I am anything but immature and take offence to that. Suze, I really don't know if we have something solid to work on

Oh you poor thing. Hormones are horrendous in what is already an emotional time and you are dealing with this too. As you have already told him, what did he say about it? Maybe just discuss having a time out period for a trial period - no contact - and then get together in a few weeks for a quiet meal to have a chat. Pregnancy is not the time to be making rash decisions (unless of course he really is a horid man). YOu need to at least talk about the future as joint parents of this baby. Good luck.

Aww Thanku ticklebug I am having such a hard time ATM :( I just don't know if this is hormones or not it's awful, I didn't want to feel like this, didn't think I would. He was devastated when I told him and wants to give me space etc. I'm soo confused

I felt like that in the first few weeks of all my pregnancies, so I think a lot of what you're feeling could be hormones. (but I don't know you or your situation, so I'm judging on your op)

Unless things are horrible, bide your time and wait a few weeks, as you may regret a hasty decision now.

Hi for what its worth i think you should have the time on your own to decide if it is hormones, im 26 weeks now and have been with my partner for 11 years but the first few months where horrendous, i would cry constantly and thought it was because my life was over, i hated being around him and told him on many occassions i didnt think i could go through with all this.

luckily i got to the 1st scan and it really helped me get over myself and put my hormones in place, i think once you know for certain you will then be able to decide a good route to take for yourself, you can only do that yourself though so if a bit of time is what you need right now to figure out how you feel then take it, a few days/weeks now could result in something really wonderful for the 2 of you in the long term and if not you can at least say you tried and have decided what is right for you, good luck x

If you don't know whether it's hormones then it probably is. They're horrible things! [sympathises]

In your first post you talk about your other relationships having broken down and the guilt you feel, so maybe you're scared of it going wrong like the last relationships did and so want to get out before it all goes wrong? Maybe it hasn't gone wrong yet but you're just filled with a sense that it's going to and want to get it over with? Or maybe even you feel like you can't do relationships or don't deserve to be happy?

It sounds like you're generally feeling scared and insecure - hormones will have a lot to do with that, and if you already have two children and one has special needs, the idea of another might be overwhelming. Maybe you're worried you're going to be left to cope on your own and so you're preempting your fears so you don't have to worry about it anymore?

Whatever is going on with your current relationship, you don't have to feel guilty about your children having different fathers. Life happens. Things don't always turn out like we dream of as children, but that doesn't mean they're bad or that we're bad for not meeting an ideal. Your children are the unique precious human-beings that they are and at least part of that is down to their genetic make-up. So don't feel guilty, you've nothing to feel guilty about.

I hope your hormones settle down and your feelings with them, and I hope everythin works out for you, with or without your partner.

I took some time out to stay with my mum on my own without him or my son and even from that time apart it made me feel a bit better. I just felt completely overwhelmed by everything and it literally felt like there was no other way around it but to split up but now things have progressed I feel alot better and we seem to have come through it. It may be that you are genuinely not 'supposed to be' but for now I would suggest maybe having some space and waiting a few weeks before making anything definite, you might feel completely different in time.

Hi everyone. Well, I told my mum and dad last night that I don't think me and DF are going to be together. My mum is now not talking to me so that's added to my stress. God I hate this

Hi, how are things now? Why is your mum not talking to you?

Hi thatboy, still no further forward tbh, my mum is off with me because I told her that I am not feeling the same about DF and think I'm going to be on my own yesterday I felt like u used to for him and today I am back to being how I was, not feeling anything for him. This is tearing me apart and just would love to know if this is my true feelings or hormones. Although it feels pretty real to me

I really would honestly wait a bit, have a little break and don't be too harsh on him. If it does work out, you don't want to have said things that you can't take back. I seriously could not see any other way forward and spent a lot of my time in tears, I feel very different now. Please don't make any decisions now, just concentrate on your other children and take it a day at a time.
You need to speak to him and explain your feelings too, don't leave him in the dark or be horrible. Either way you will need to have some sort of relationship with him for the sake of your child but If you can make this work then you should give it your best shot.