"Do you actually LIKE your life now?"

[penguinsoup]

...said to me yesterday by a friend of a friend..

(I'm 37 wks DC1)

Used to be a bit of a party animal. Life changed a lot since I met DP and I moved to the suburbs. Sometimes I get wistful but I do love what I have now.
Friends, including this girl, still utter caners.

But this comment cut me to the bone. Perhaps I need to HTFU but pg hormones make it worse methinks. Been crying.

I couldn't answer her. I just walked away. She was looking at me with pity in her eyes. People pity me? I had no idea.

Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. :(

People dont get it until they get there. Fuck the codescending cow!

Pitying you? Oh dear. She doesn't sound like someone whose opinion I would be interested in if she feels the need to be so disdainful of someone who isn't in a position to be going clubland or to a session in a bar. You're not exactly less of a person for not doing that anymore.

Look, nobody's life stays the same. Well, nobody's life should stay the same. Life is about developing and experiencing different things. You could still be caning it and having the same kind of fun but it would be the same thing over and over.

You're now doing something different and erm, pretty amazing. It's a huge shift and a big big adventure of a very different sort. You'll get back to partying occasionally - it just won't seem as important as when you were say, 20.

I used to be so contemptuous of the suburbs but of course, I ended up living in one because it's affordable and near schools. We all get wistful and nostalgic about our past but it's a good lesson to enjoy the present and always look to the future.

It sounds like you're doing that to a large extent anyway.

Thank goodness you don't have to mix with wallies like that girl anymore.

Sometimes I go back out. To remember what it was like, and be grateful I don't have to ride that out every week.

Your life is not over. You are still you, you can still go out clubbing if you want to. But you'll probably find that when you do it all seems a little bit shallow. It's fun to go and get hammered once in a while and dance until your toenails hurt, but it's nice not to feel like that's all there is :)

One thing i find sad, is that so many people think their whole lives are just about drinking and going to clubs. I'm on facebook and so many always rant and rave with comments like "getting on it tonight!" "can't wait to get pissed as a fart!" etc etc and i can't help think... what sad waste of life, don't get me wrong i have done all that, when i was younger, but now i'm 30 its just abit unsatisfying to continue to do that all the time, once in a while as a treat yeh but come on, we grow up and we do different things with our lives, other things become more enjoyable than a pint or a shot. Maybe next time you see her you should ask "are you happy with your life, or have you not started yet?"

Thank you both for the straight words.
I think I just had a moment of looking back at how things used to be and how things are now, and mixed that up with her snarky comment. FWIW I wouldn't want her life either so we have that in common at least.

She sounds like someone who probably isn't actually very happy with her life and even jealous of yours. Why else would she feel the need to be unpleasant? And often people who are caning it all the time feel happier with other caners as it validates their lifestyle. I have a big group of mates who are like that and I don't really want to tell them I am pregnant until I absolutely have to. I have had a brilliant time partying but now I have my head around this next stage of my life, I am really excited about that. As Nagoo says, it will be nice that life isn't all about the next festival or weekend in berlin etc. But when you are in that lifestyle, it's hard to admit that to yourself I think.

Your life is changing and moving on and hers is the same.

You've done what she's doing and are giving it up for something else.

Some people find that threatening.

PMSL at "liking your life" at 37 weeks pregnant, though :o

Yeah, all I've dreamt of was swigging gaviscon out of the bottle and not being able to tie my laces - it's the best!

You're about to go on an amazing adventure, way more intense than caning it weekend after weekend (as fun as that was, I'm sure) :)

A friend wouldn't say something like that to you.

How hurtful.

Your hormones have got you all over the place!

You will make some lovely new friends - don't worry. Ones who you now have more in common with.

Us suburban mums could give em a run for their money.

Don't you let it get to you....

I do remember thinking similar things when my friends starting having babies aged around 26/7 and moving out of London, I was like "Nooo. What are you doing? Let's party!!"

(fortunately I never articulated these thoughts so still have these friends)

Now their kids are about to hit secondary school and they can leave the house without 2 hrs planning and a suitcase of stuff and mine are toddlers. Nuff said . The early adopters have triumphed!

Seriously though, I think until people are ready to move on themselves, they can't understand why anyone else would want to, and when they do, they can't imagine why anyone else would not want to. Still rude of her to say it though

Good luck with the birth and your new baby

:o at liking your life at 37 wks. No I don't as it happens- It's hideous at times.

Thanks for all of this. Thanks for the good lucks. Reading it has given me perspective I must say. You are all so bloody WISE. Hoot Hoot.

Funny, I remember when I was in my 20s feeling sorry for friends who had kids quite young. And yes, now their kids are mini adults and I have it all in front of me..

This woman is not a friend. She only knows me through friends. I know little about her thank God. My friends wouldn't ever say such things. None of them have babies or are married but they don't judge me for taking a different path; and I don't judge them for staying out all night and sleeping until 3pm- it wasn't THAT long ago that I was also doing that. Now I go to Robert Dyas on Sunday afternoons....

When I was young, free and single, I would get comments from settled people about 'burning the candle' etc and now I'm not, I STILL get bitchy remarks from the other side.

I guess the lesson here is there will always be arseholes who say horrid things and fuck fuck fuckity fuck the lot of them.

Some people are just ignorant, and its not just your friends. last night two people at work asked pretty much the same thing of me. One a customer and one of my staff - basically asking when I was going to escape my domestic drudge and have a good drink. I just nod and smile now - I will go and have a good drink any time I like - but I don't like now, I've been there, done that and quite frankly I have probably partied the lot of them under the table in the past. Now I'm quite happy playing house. .

Enjoy your last couple of weeks of peace! And good luck with the baby!

I was a complete wild child. A party wasn't complete till I got there and got up to God knows what. Things have changed massively. Had DS at 33 18 months ago, 17 weeks pg at the minute, married and never been more content. I think the crazy wild lifestyle was fun but I would hate to go back to it. Glad I did it all but now I'm glad I'm doing this.

A friend of mine and I used to go out every Thursday-Sunday night. We were crazy party people.

I loved it and miss it sometimes, but honestly a Friday night in with DS, DH, a pizza and a DVD of How to Train Your Dragon is lovely too. And the nights when I do go out are all the more special now...

A female friend of DP's said something similar to me just after DD's first birthday party. I had just put DD to bed and the remaining adults in the house were going out to have a drink. MIL was staying with us and offered to babysit. DP's friend couldn't understand why I didn't accept and go out with them. DD was bf, was still waking every hour or so and needed me to get back to sleep. She would have screamed the place down if she had woken up and I hadn't been there, it just wasn't worth the stress of going out. DD's friend was very . Her exact words were 'you can't tell me you're happy with your life at the moment?'

Fast forward 4 years and she and her DP now have a son of 2 who won't leave them out of his sight.

My DH and children are my life and I wouldn't swap them for anything, even winning the euromillions!!!

Don't worry. Once party animal = always party animal ;-)

Your basic personality will not change only because you are having children. You will and can still go out once you are out of the baby phase. (Support network is key of course!)

And you'll soon discover a life that is (most of the time) way more worthwhile than clubbing and just living the hedonistic life. But like I said... this doesn't mean that you'll never see a club from the inside.

Your friend sounds jealous btw.