Upset, anxious and panicked by thoughtless comments.

[heartmoonshadow]

I know this is daft and irrational but I am 33 weeks pregnant and my bump is very large although I have only put on 12lbs this pregnancy so far. Last night I saw a nurse in my in laws care home and as is seemingly normal she asked me how long. When I said 7-9 weeks she winced and said 'rather you than me your'e quite large you know'.

To be honest I didn't need her to state the obvious I can see for myself that this baby is all bump and I have been having nightmares about the size of it for weeks anyway.

I went to the midwife a couple of weeks ago and I am measuring spot on for dates but being plotted on the high line of my personal chart so I am expecting to have a whopper it just seems that I am having difficulty holding on to my fear at the best of times and that people are just making it worse. I don't know what to do I feel like I should stay in and not see anyone for the next couple of months to prevent panic attacks anyone got any ideas of how to stop my anxiety.

Try not to worry too much heart. If MW/hospital is concerned you are measuring too large they will send you for a growth scan, but you say you are measuring spot on for dates. Everyone's bump size/shape is different and some women carry more water/fat in pregnancy rather than it just all being baby. If you are concerned just mention to MW at your next appointment.

I don't think big bump necessarily means big baby. And to be fair, unless they are really huge, it doesn't really make any difference to labour, it's all about the head isn't it?

As soon as people know you're pregnant it seems you become public property! Ignore the silly witch of a nurse- how bloody rude! Your body is meant to give birth, and bigger babies are quite often easier to birth than a really small one as they exert more pressure on the cervix or something like that. Regardless of all of that, a big bump does not necessarily relate to the size of your baby at all- it can be a lot to do with your build etc. All the midwives swore blind I was going to have less than 7lb baby, actually he was 8lb6oz. Conversely I know someone who was scared rigid by being told she was going to have an enormous baby. Admittedly the baby was over 9 lbs but the labour was only 4 hours with no issues or pain relief.

Take deep breaths and dn't be afraid to tell people if their comments are hurtful or insensitive. Mostly they probably don't realise how hurtful they are being. Consider hypnobirthing CDs or relaxation techniques- I am looking into this myself for my birth this time.

When I was pregnant with DS I had a lot of comments like this. I also had growth scans and was told he would be at least 9lbs plus. In the end he was 8lbs 9oz at 8 days overdue. Not small but not huge either. My birth wasn't a piece of cake but no more so than friends who had small babies. One friend of mine has v big babies and has had two v natural homebirths!
So please don't worry. Some people show more than others and it isn't a sign of how your birth will be IME.

Thanks all I just feel a bit teary really i think it must be tiredness, a toddler to look after and hormones. I am already at the 'get it out of me stage' and the thought of up to 9 more weeks is killing me! Still what will be will be. I do have a growth scan booked for next week as I am a fatty in normal life pre-pregnancy so hopefully that will reassure me.

I am experiencing the same. I am very very slight in build and have this huge bump which makes me look overdue rather than 10 weeks still to go. Comments from onlookers, including a neonatal consultant and midwives have left me panicking I am too large and my baby will be a whopper however I am reassured by my own midwife measuring me and plotting me exactly to my dates also. Every bump and body is different. I am assured I should think myself lucky as the baby being all bump apparently means I will shed the weight afterwards without any effort.

some people just carry large! i know i do, however, both my babies born so far have been less than 8lb

with all 3 pregnancies i have been massive, each one progressively bigger... people ask when i am due at 4 months pregnant and expect to hear the answer "next week" not "in 5 months"... and i am sick of saying "no, its definitely not twins..."

as for stopping the anxiety, all i can say is dont worry / take deep breaths / tell them to F* off if it helps!?

Big bump does not equal big baby

and

Big baby does not equal difficult birth

And that's not someone trying to make you feel better - it is true! Pregnant people have enough to worry about without thoughtless and unfounded comments making things worse. Hope it all goes well for you!

please dont worry with my first everyone said I was pretty big bump wise I measured pretty average a midwife told me there was no chance I was having a little baby of course this scared me! my labour wasnt v straight foward and my dd was 6lb11oz.

im 37 weeks,witg number 2 and everyone keeos,saying god your huge is it twins god you carrying alot of fluid all over! im measuring 4 weeks smaller than I should im having regular growth scans as the actual baby is measuring on the smaller side too. bumo wise I know im smaller than last time although everyone insits on telling me otherwise!! so in a few weeks I shall know!

so I say ignore everyone remember your growing a baby you have water a placenta all your own organs etc in there what do people exspect!!
weather the baby is big or small your labour will be what it will be!
x

I got alot of this a big whopper is better than a tiny baby. just general robustness.

I regularly got asked if I was having twins

Don't worry - I am in exactly the same position as you.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, and measuring spot-on. But the lady in the co-op yesterday felt the need to shout across the shop "not long yet eh?". You really do become public property. Her face when I said, "just six weeks to go" said it all...
I feel huge anyway, I really don't need someone pointing it out in front of a shop full of people.

midwives and nurses to;d me i had a big baby and i was all bump, my baby girl was 7lb 3 so they dont always get it right and my sister had a tiny bump was told the baby was likley to be under 5lbs and her son was 9lb 5 so bump sizes mean nothing and i loved my baby bump even though it was the size of a house

People are idiots. Why does everyone feel the need to comment?!

I have been told by people at work that I am 'massive', 'tiny', 'barely look pregnant' and 'ready to drop'

Now, none of these people have had children and as far as I am aware are yet to qualify as a midwife so until then they can poke it!

Listen to your midwife, you are measuring spot on so don't listen to what others say.

Come up with a phrase like 'oh well, we'll see in a few weeks' or 'yes, some people have told me I have a big bump' which you know secretly in your head actually means 'fuck off you interfering old witch'

That should cheer you up if nothing else :)

If its any consolation everyone is already asking me if Im sure Im only 16 weeks.... there is only one isnt there?, Ee imagine the size of you at full term if you already have a bump like that......

Have put on about 8 pounds already but honestly am eating healthier than ever only changes are im drinking a pint of semi skimmed milk a day when I never used to drink milk, Im eating breakfast and drinking a glass of pure orange which I never did before.

Ive barely had any bad foods at all!

Why do people think they can comment!!!!!!!!

heart this comment was made by a nurse in a care home. Not your mw, not a consultant, not someone who really knows her arse from her elbow when it comes to babies, any more than the average idiot in the street. I'm sure she's great at what she does, but that is not anything to do with babies.

I have a BMI of 35 and have had various silly comments about "are you having twins" (one of which was from a phlebotomist). I usually say "no, just one, but then I was fat before anyway". That usually sends them away shame-faced. On the other hand, I saw my next door neighbour by the village shop yesterday. He looked at me all surprised and said "are you having a baby?". I'm 29 weeks, and he only just noticed (I'm either so fat he couldn't tell before, or just not that massive after all). I had a growth scan at 27 weeks and was right on the 50th centile of my chart.

People love to comment when you're pg, they need to think how what they say will affect someone, and learn to bite their tongues - don't think I'll hold my breath on that one though.