Baby's father doesn't seem to be excited or as involved as I expected

[Ghostofsplash]

Hard to tell if I'm being super sensitive/ hormonal at 32 weeks but I don't feel that my husband is particularly looking forward to the arrival of the baby. He doesn't talk to the bump (not that this is necessary of course, just a nice sign) or seem interested in feeling the kicks and just says he's worried about our relationship and our future - and what conversation will we have. He is very clever and demanding and needs a lot of intellectual stimulation and fears I won't be able to provide this when we have a family.
Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I really want him to be looking forward to this as much as I am and feel I need extra emotional support myself, not to have to reassure him!

Is this your first child?

My husband wasn't at all interested in the pregnancy, apart from trying to tell me what to eat, but from the moment she was born, he was a different person. He's totally in love with our dd, she even gets the first kiss when he leaves for work!

We do talk a lot about her, as he doesn't really get to see her during the week (works long hours), so we do a run down of her day when he gets home. but we still talk of other things, just takes a bit of effort to not get completely bogged down in baby talk. I find at the end of the day, I need the mental stimulation.

I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with dd2 and he's been much more interested this time round. I think it's hard for blokes to connect to a pregnancy, they don't have all the changes going on in their bodies, so may find it hard to think of the baby as being 'real'.

Has he actually said he's worried you won't be able to provide intellectual stimulation when you have a baby? If so he's a first class tit. You're having a baby not a lobotomy.
That aside, i think it's normal to an extent for a man to find pregnancy a difficult concept. It's such a life changing thing that it's almost impossible to even comprehend how your life will change before it actually happens. Hopefully he'll step up when you need him though. My dp has been a bloody marvel through this pregnancy, which was as unplanned as you can get. WHen I have had problems, needing extra scans, injections, tests, everything, he really stepped up. But it shouldn't take problems with the pregnancy to make him seem interested or to look after you. He does sound very self involved to me.

My DH was not very interested during my 1st pregnancy. He'd obviously support me and come along to scans but didn't seem that excited about it all.

When I had a positive pregnancy test (after nearly a year of trying and one MC), I woke him up to tell him and he just rolled over and went back to sleep.

But, the moment DD was born he became such a doting father, he was and still is wonderful. He's since said he was worried about becoming a father and how he'd cope.

As for the intellectual conversation, I don't think that side of things change that much - if that's what you've always done.

I'm expecting DC2 and I'm not sure if he seems that excited again really, but know he'll be fine when the baby is here!

Thanks all - yes this is our first. It's reassuring to hear that things got better in your cases!

I think he sounds rather scared of the changes as he can't judge what actual changes are going to happen but knows they will be pretty monumental when they do happen. He also knows he will have to share you and your love and may be feeling like he'll be pushed out in some way.
I also agree that men don't seem to connect with the pregnancy anywhere near so much, its all a bit unreal for them. fuckityfuck is right though, its not like you are having a lobotomy. Maybe reassure him a bit by saying at the end of the day you will need adult conversation/ interaction too. Life doesn't stop when you have a baby, it might become a bit foggy for a while is all. If that doesn't work, tell him to man up and grow a pair. He was a pretty large part in this happening too!

Ghost think its a man thing. My DH is the same and I'm 30weeks with first.
My DH has shown no intrest with convesations re baby and labour etc and thinks life is going to carry on as normal (oh what little does he know) but as many people have said to me men dont respond to pregnancy as to them it isn't real till the baby arrives.

My dh barely acknowledged the fact that I was pg. He never felt a kick, just generally wasn't interested. It really got me down for a while.
When ds was born he barely held him for 4 days.
I started to get really worried, and then one day I caught him walking round the house showing a week old ds all the different rooms and saying things like "this is wardrobe where mummy keeps all her rubbish, and this is the cupboard where mummy hides all her shoes, and this is the kitchen where mummy 'pretends' to cook" I nearly burst into tears, it was then I realised everything was going to be fine and he is a brilliant dad now!

I don't think men have that immediate bond that women do. I think it sort of grows iyswim.

I was thinking he sounded just like my DH with all my pregnancies until:

"He is very clever and demanding and needs a lot of intellectual stimulation and fears I won't be able to provide this when we have a family."

If he was that clever he wouldn't be saying something so utterly stupid.