Thinking about an Independent Midwife - one month to go though

[ImpYCelyn]

I've got a month to go before DC2 arrives. We've planned a home birth again, but I'm really unsure about relying on what's offered locally.

I had a home birth last time. I phoned the hospital to ask for a MW at roughly the point I'd have gone into hospital if I'd been going. An hour and a half later they hadn't called back to confirm. We called again and they hadn't managed to reach the on-call MW. 45 mins later she arrived. She then argued with my doula for 15 mins about doing a VE, and 10 mins later DS arrived. With just the one MW, who basically went into panic mode.

They've warned me that this time it could be as fast, if not faster, and I'm really worried about how long it took to get a MW here last time (we're 5-10 mins from hospital, so not in the middle of nowhere or anything). Also, they've said that if the on-call MW is already attending someone then there's almost no chance they'll get anyone to me quickly enough.

And the MW that attended last time made me turn over from all fours to semi-reclined with DS's head out "in case I had a haemorrhage" - at which point my contractions stopped, and I went from breathing him out to pushing with no contractions with the MW yelling at me and tugging at DS

The second issue is that I've had a pretty rubbish pregnancy (I've posted on here a lot) and I've had a lot of contact with the MWs in the trust and I'm just not feeling that confident about them. In particular having now been admitted to the antenatal ward three times and to the labour ward twice (AN full) I'm even more worried about going in to hospital; the place seems completely shambolic. On three of those admittances I was told they'd requested an MRI for me and I'd receive an appointment soon - when I didn't and I tried to chase it it turned out that on the first two occasions not only had I not been referred but they couldn't find any record of me having been admitted. They also lost my referral the third time too - it was only when I went to the consultant appointment to "review" my non-existant MRI that they got one ordered.

When I was in hospital they also kept coming to see me with the wrong information, whilst holding my notes -
"So this is your first pregnancy"
"No, my second"
"Oh. Do you mind me asking what went wrong in your first pregnancy?"
"Nothing "
"Ah... erm... what happened to your little one? Was it a cot death?"
" ! "

Then that evening:
"So this is your third pregnancy"
"No, my second"
"Oh, you had twins last time?"

And another MW and one Dr did something similar. And 24 hours after I'd been admitted they kept asking me how my head was, on the ward rounds - it was fine, I'd been admitted due to threatened premature labour, which they were all surprised by every time I told them - it was written in the bloody notes!

DH and I just couldn't believe it. I thought they must have someone else's notes, but they had mine every time.

Sorry that turned into a rant!

Basically I feel, and DH agrees, that maybe an IM would be a good idea at this point. We've found one who could take us on, but I don't know anyone else who's had one, and it's a lot of money so I'm a bit nervous about going ahead with it.

Has anyone had one and would recommend it? Or even knows someone who would recommend it?

Thanks :)

It sounds like you have had some pretty appalling care. I have no experience with an independent midwife, but I would think it sounds like a pretty good option. Good luck.

Thanks Alligatorpie, the more I think about it the more I want to do it. Especially after typing all that!

I had an independent midwife with dd1. Then, though I had a hospital birth with dd2, I was extremely fortunate that the chief midwife there was an ex independent midwife! (it was a small island hospital). I hear descriptions of ordinary hospital births and am left horrified, as it's so far from my own experience. I had no intervention at all (my choice). With both my girls my waters didn't break until the heads were born and no one even suggested breaking them artificially, I was "allowed" to deliver the placentas naturally, things like that, which I have since learnt are rare in NHS hospital births.

Before anyone says "It's alright for some!", well, I was on Income Support at the time, but so phobic about being forced into an unwanted hospital birth and pressured into interventions I didn't want (NHS wouldn't support my choice of having a home birth due to first baby, high BMI, high blood pressure) that I gladly went up to my eyeballs in debt to hire her, and I don't regret it for a minute. It is so good to know and trust that your choices will be respected and you will be treated at all times like a capable adult - I rarely find that in the NHS, sadly.

I should say though, in the interests of fairness, that it probably would have been better and safer for me to have had dd1 in hospital. She was born covered in meconium and I hemmorhaged afterwards. Despite the midwife's urging, I point blank refused to go into hospital for a transfusion, so I was left very ill with very bad anaemia and so barely remember the first couple of weeks of dd1's life. :(

The LABOUR and BIRTH were fabulous experiences and I can honestly say I enjoyed every minute of them (yes, really!) but, in retrospect, I had to admit that I had been pretty irresponsible in allowing my terror of hospitals and drugs to stop me from doing the safest things for me and the baby (especially in refusing to go in for a transfusion!) Thus I reluctantly agreed to a hospital birth for dd2. I still had a natural third stage though, and no problems that time! :)

Yeah, sorry, getting sidetracked there! I hope, whatever you decide, it goes well for you, and I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experiences so far.

After my experiences of NHS postnatal care with DD1, I booked an independent midwife for postnatal care with DD2. I was just discussing with DH this morning how it was the best decision I ever made. She listened to me, remembered things about me, gave the impression of actually liking babies. The NHS midwives seemed so busy, no continuity of care, appts often cancelled/ no show etc. Feeling reassured and 'cared for' made a totally different experience, if you can afford it and have found one you like, go for it.

Thanks so much for replying Suze and helium. That's really encouraging.

I've arranged for the IM to come and talk to us about what she can do and how it would all work etc. But assuming we like her I think we'll definitely go for it.

Suze - interestingly DH's biggest objection is that he feels guilty that we'd be accessing the kind of care that should, in an ideal world, be available to everyone. He's French and a socialist, and it really annoys him that you can have it if you can pay for it, and most people can't. I agree, but as it'll be me giving birth and we can pay for it (just ) I don't want to suffer just to prove a point.

Helium - I didn't know until Saturday that you could have IM postnatal care, and when I found out that was what I first told DH I'd be really interested in having. We had some problems after DS was born and I spent a lot of time sobbing about the way I was being dealt with by the MWs. DH then suggested we ask her about doing the birth as well.

Thanks again :)

Go for it! I hope you get on well with the midwife and that you get the care you deserve and the experience you hope for.

It isn't your fault that the NHS is in such a bad state and you don't have to feel guilty for going elsewhere. You're going elsewhere because the NHS has failed you and you are not going to go "Well, I'm alright, Jack!" and stop caring about it just because you've been able to access care elsewhere - in fact, having the two experiences to compare will probably make you much MORE committed to the NHS and wanting standards improved for all. You could plausibly see it that you're actually relieving pressure on it in a way - divide up the time the midwives would have spent with you and maybe other women will get the chance to ask an extra question or two or actually have their notes read.

Good luck with everything!