When to get pregnant with a second?

[Mechavivzilla]

Hello,

am only 15+5 with my first so very pie in the sky thinking at this stage! We had always wanted to have two children, fairly close together in age. Our first took nearly two years to concieve and we both had some pretty borderline fertility test results. Were actually waiting for our referral to the fertility clinic when we had the BFP! Needless to say we no longer expect to get pregnant quickly, though would be happy to be proved wrong.

Bearing this in mind, how soon after a child is it safe/advisable to try for a second? What factors should we consider? All advice/opinions very welcome!

Thank you.

Well I got my first PP period at 6 weeks, and we started trying for DS2 at about 7 weeks It didnt happen straight away (certainly didnt have the private time we had before DS!), but by the time DS was 9m I was pregnant.

5 weeks to go now until DS2 is due...

Hmm everyone is different but I think the smallest gap I could cope with at a push would be 18 months so ttc from 9 months onwards. It is apparently advised to give your body 9-12 months to recover from pregnancy before falling pregnant again.

Having said that, the actual smallest age gap I will have will be 2yrs 2 months (currently pg with number 3). My first age gap was 2yrs 5 months. I was glad that my son was old enough to understand simple requests by the time ds2 came along. Having said that everyone copes with the age gap they have as they know no different.

I've heard of people living a small age gap and equally people preferring a much larger one.

If I were you I wouldn't assume It's going to take as long again (even though it could) so therefore would plan for the smallest gap you think you can manage and start from there. A close friend of mine took over a year to conceive her first but second time it took one month.

I took 7 months to conceive my second and 1 month to conceive my third.. So it really can vary.

Most of all I'd say wait and see how you feel once baby is here, you'll have a much bette idea of the practicalities and how younger cope by then

We waited 18 months between DD1 and DD2, and 20 months between DD2 and DC3 (due in may). I had a MC with a baby conceived 16 months after DD2.

It's worked out well both times (so far) - the big thing for me was getting the previous child potty trained before the next one arrived, and DD2 has just got this sorted this week! Both DDs could communicate effectively before the next baby arrived too, with both of them having a massive increase in vocabulary around 2 years old. I think this is helpful so they can make their needs known to you when you are trying to juggle their needs with those of the new baby.

Physically, both DD1 and DD2 were EMCS births, and I was told to wait 6 months to a year before conceiving again, due to the stress on the scar.

All this being said, the smallest gap amongst my friends was a DC3 conceived 7 months after DC2 was born. All DC were CS births, all three were preschool age for the first year after DC was born. My friend has been brilliant - she is so organised and patient - made me think 3 was do-able!

Regarding any fertillity issues, I also know someone who had their first child with fertility treatment (not sure why exactly or what type), then the second child was conceived without assistance, within 18 months of DC1 being born.

Good luck with DC1 - I'm sure you'll figure out exactly what is right for your family as you go along.

Thank you all for your thoughts. Have found very little advice online, and didn't really want to talk to Dr/MW for fear of being thought mad! Dalrymps especially made an excellent point, I will of course see how we get on with this little one before making any firm plans! Reassuring as well to hear fertility problems are not nessecarily repeated.

Thank you again

I second the fact that fertility problems aren't always necessairily the same.

iI have a DS who is 2.8 years and it took me 7 years to concieve a very depessing time when we looked into adoption and all sorts. Anyway I am now on DC2 who took 2 weeks to concieve after we thought about trying! I have major PCOS so it was a case of great if it happens not a problem if it doesn't we were going to give it a year because of the heartbreak it causes but obviously plans for us were different!

Hi there

I was also thinking - whilst it seems to be quite common to have trouble conceiving a first and then a second to come along (this happened to a friend of mine - her baby was 3 months old - eek - i hadnt even had sex by then!!!), if you start trying and have trouble again, it has the potential to spoil what should be a really lovely time with your baby.

Another thought again - i always wanted them close together, and thought i would want to get pregnant immediately my son was born. i have ended up feeling rather differently, im so in love with him at the moment (hes 6 months) i feel like i could never love another baby quite as much as him - im clearly no where near ready - or maybe i never will be and am set to be over-bearing mummy of one from hell!!!

good luck with this current pregnancy xxx

I had a 15 month gap between DS and DD although wasn't trying to conceive at the time. Brestfeeding doesn't work as contraception
It was really, really hard work for the first year and people felt free to comment all the time (at work, in the supermarket) about how bad it was going to be While I was still pregnant
however, it is now wonderful as they are really close and there was no jealousy. Because they are developmentally close they can play together really well, so I wouldn't change the gap even if I could!

mechavivzilla - I've actually heard that for a lot of people their fertility seemed to increase dramatically after they'd had their first DC, no matter how long they'd been trying. A friend is going through IVF and she said quite a lot of people on the internet boards seemed to conceive naturally for DC2, so hopefully that is reassuring for you. On the other hand you wouldn't want to conceive too quickly - I was horrified surprised to find I'd conceived DC2 when DS was 4 months old!! Have got used to it now (we did want 2 kids) but still a bit of a small gap (DC2 due in July so can't tell you about difficulty of baby-wrangling).

Lots of my friends reckon '2 within 2 years' is a good gap. But obviously wait and see how you and DC1 go first! And congratulations by the way :)

I fell pregnant with DC2 when DS was 10 months.

It took me a while to conceive DC1 - had a mmc at first, then took a year to get pg again after that. So thought with DC2 I will start early just in case it takes a long time again and ended up getting pg with DC2 at first try. So figure out what is the smallest gap you could cope with (and wait until DC1 comes along to figure that out), and then start trying after that. I have 19 mths between my DCs and love the age gap.

I had the opposite experience, in that I got pregnant with DD on our first try so rather assumed we could plan things perfectly for DC2. How wrong I was!
I became pregnant accidentally in Dec 2010 when DD was 18 months and just when I got used to the idea I miscarried at about 6 weeks. That made up my mind about wanting to start TTCing properly, so I became pregnant again a month after my mc. I lost that one to a missed misscarriage and had an ERPC at the end of April. I was still keen for a second baby, but more reluctant to try. In the end I became pregnant around my daughters 2nd birthday and am now 36 weeks. DD will be 2.8/2.9 depending on how early or late this baby is. Its not the age gap I'd planned when I dreamed up having children before having DD, but hey ho.

So don't assume things will be either as easy or as hard second time around. I would wait until you have DC1 (congrats btw!) and once you feel vaguely human again have a discussion with your DH as to when you feel would be the earliest age gap you feel you would like and take it from there.