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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Advice pls on family visiting the hospital following a c-section!

20 replies

EsmeMrsP · 29/02/2012 12:32

Hello ladies, I'm booked in for a c-section for DC1 on 12th March as the baby is breech (just getting over the trauma of finding out that a natural birth is no longer on the cards... have finally accepted it after a few days and looking forward to meeting my little munchkin).

Anyway, as this is all new for me, I'm stressing about hospital visits. I'm the third lady booked in for a c-section on the day so it's unlikely to happen before early afternoon. Visiting hours are 3pm until 8pm. How long after the actual section will I need to get my head together enough to have DH's family come and see the baby? I don't want them traipsing in if I'm still in shock, perhaps attached to a catheter/bag of my own piss, etc. etc. We are going to tell them to wait until we call them to come to the hospital.

I know everyone is different, but I was wondering how much time I will need to feel OK enough to have them come into our room? BIL has already said he wants to take the day off work and 'please, please can he see the baby on the day'. Just wondering what is realistic or not. My family will be visiting me once I'm back at home, but DH's family live close by and seem to be very keen to be all over us as soon as possible... It's stressing me out and would rather not be worrying about these things.

OP posts:

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Pascha · 29/02/2012 12:34

If it was me I would put my foot down and say no visitors til the following day. You will want all the time you can with just you, DH and baby. I would be telling my BIL no. He's an adult, he can wait.

VivaLeBeaver · 29/02/2012 12:36

You'll probably have the catheter in till the following morning. To be honest I wouldn't have any visitors till the next day.

Your section might not be till late afternoon as emergencies may take priority. You'll probably be on labour ward/recovery for 2 or 3 hours following the operation.

If you feel up to it then yes ring them and tell them to come but warn them that you might not feel up to it till the following day. Spend the time you and your DP getting to know the new baby and bonding.

thistlemuncher · 29/02/2012 12:36

If its unlikely to happen before early afternoon then they can at least wait til the next day. Point out that if it's within 24 hrs it's still technically the same 'day'. But I think your DH needs to have words with his brother and point out that you will call them when you feel up to visitors and not before.

Pascha · 29/02/2012 12:37

I would also get your DH to delay the announcement til after visiting hours so you can have a clear night and half a day before they all take the piss and descend on you.

KatAndKit · 29/02/2012 12:44

Pascha's idea is a good one. He can phone them up and say unfortunately the hospital staff have said by the time you are all ready for visitors it will be too late today, look forward to seeing you at 3pm tomorrow.

You will be recovering from a major operation. You will have the catheter in and you will probably want to be doing the skin to skin thing in the first few hours. It's not unreasonable to not want a load of visitors when you can't get out of bed, you have a bag of piss attached to you and you are topless.

OTTMummA · 29/02/2012 12:45

I wouldn't have anyone until the next day tbh. I ended up having my section under ga because they couldn't get the spinal in. I was totally out of it on and off for the whole evening. I had ds at just after 1pm, was the third lady swell. I had pil in when I got put on the ward at around 5pm and really wasn't in a fit state, couldn't keep my eyes open etc. Unfortunately your DH needs to put his foot down with bil, I am sure he wouldn't want company after having major surgery within a few hours. He is being really selfish.

Portofino · 29/02/2012 12:46

Oh yes - definitely no visitors til the next day. My dsis came early the following morning and watched the baby whilst I had a shower (dh was catching up on his sleep) but I certainly wouldn't have wanted all and sundry peering at me.

Flisspaps · 29/02/2012 12:47

I'd say next day at least.

If you're third on the list, then you're wise to think it'll be early afternoon before you're in (if not late afternoon or evening). Once you're out of theatre you're going to have your catheter in, if you want to BF you'll be trying to get that going as well as getting to know your baby yourself, and you'll probably be being checked by MWs for blood loss etc. You'll be in recovery for a while before transferring to the ward anyway, and visitors won't be able to come and see you whilst you're in there.

DH needs to remind BIL that whilst you both understand he's very excited, you two are excited too and also it's major surgery that you're undergoing - perhaps point out that there's no guarantee that it will happen on that day at all if there is a sudden need for the theatre to be used by emergency cases who will take precedence so he may as well go to work and DH can call him when it's appropriate.

Tell them you've spoken to a MW who advises the same (VivalaBeaver is a MW I believe, so you're not lying)

Eglu · 29/02/2012 12:51

There is a good chance that with emergencies that you may not be on the ward for visitors anyway.

It is lovely that BIL is so excited but you need your dh to tell him that he doesn't want him wasting his day off.

Agree with everyone next day visitors only

PassMeTheHobnobs · 29/02/2012 12:56

I had my MIL and husband there the day my son was delivered, but it was an emergency section (and other complications) and not a planned one. I desperately wanted my MIL there (my own mum lives overseas and couldn't be there) but I wouldn't have wanted to see anyone else to be honest. I didn't have any other visitors until about 4 days later because I wasn't up to it.

In the end I had my catheter and drain in for 3 days. If you're worried about people seeing that you might want to wait until the midwives/docs tell you they're removing it.

I'd wait until you feel up to it - it might be that day, or the next day or not until you get home.

BikeRunSki · 29/02/2012 12:58

I have had 2 emcs. One very early in the morning, one very late at night. With both a had a catheter for about 24 hours. PIL and mum live over 200 miles away so they weren't able until the next day anyway. Even if I'd had a choice, I don't think I would have wanted them until then anyway.

Bear in mind though that you may be 3rd on list, but will be bumped if any emcs come along.

My first emcs was done with a spinal block and we were in recovery for an hour.

My second emcs was done under GA, and I wasn't conscious for 3 hours and very dozy for about 8 more hours.

I like Pasha's idea of waiting to make birth announcement until you feel like accepting visitors. Even with a planned CS there are too many unknowns to make firm plans.

Orbinator · 29/02/2012 13:06

Another vote for next day - you will be tired and prob a bit druggy for a few hours and not want to feel you are "entertaining". I felt a bit muddled after mine and as everyone said here, you just want snuggle/snooze time. Don't add pressures on before you've begun!
P.S - take lots of big stretchy pants that go well over yr normal pant line and sanitary pads for the lochia. Oh and shower gel with hook - you won't want to bend at all. Good luck :)
x

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 29/02/2012 13:16

Tell them NOW that there will definitely be no visiting on the day.

Don't make plans - this will stress you out more. You don't know how it's going to go. ELCS you should feel better, but you may not. I had a 2l bleed and was in a state for the next 24 hours really - it was a bit of a blur. I was in for 3 days and only had the catheter out the day before I came home. I had NO visitors in the hospital - I really felt very, very fragile.

If they are the sort to push and crowd, put them off very firmly.

Your BIL needs some straight talking - 'please please' - inappropriate!! Prime him that there's a good chance you won't feel up to visitors until the FOLLOWING evening's visiting, and if there have been any complications then you will be asking people to respect your privacy and not be at your hospital bed when you are distressed.

Don't let them crowd you - it makes a BIG difference in the early days. Them waiting a day won't hurt them.

formerdiva · 29/02/2012 13:17

Agree with above posts. Also may be worth thinking about feeding - are you planning to bf? If so, it's pretty hard to do it discreetly when you're working round a catheter, a c-scar and IME have to do it on a hospital bed. No problem if you're close enough to you in laws to not mind that : )

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 29/02/2012 13:18

Good idea with not making a birth announcement until you know when you'll be good for visitors. You can prime for this with telling them not to be surprised if they don't hear from you - you may get bumped by emergencies to even the next day.

Orbinator · 29/02/2012 13:20

Maybe just remind them that it is actually MAJOR surgery? I bet there are lots of figures floating about for comparisons from all the anti-too-posh-to-pushers online

Original poster

EsmeMrsP · 29/02/2012 13:34

Wow, thanks for all the responses. I think I have enough 'ammunition' now to be able to explain to them that it may not be possible for them to see the baby that day. Thank for all the practical advice too, such as shower gel with a hook! I didn't realise for example that we may be on a recovery ward for a few hours. If I e

OP posts:

Original poster

EsmeMrsP · 29/02/2012 13:37

oops! I hit send by mistake... If I explain all of this to DH then he can be the one to pass the info on to BIL and the rest of the family. I'm guessing there won't be time for anyone to come on the day, but would rather warn them beforehand so lower their expectations. To be honest on that first day I only really want it to be my, DH and the baby.

I understand everyone is excited but it is major surgery, BIL seems to already have forgotten that!

Thanks again, feel heaps better and more prepared for what will happen on the day.

OP posts:

thejaffacakesareonme · 29/02/2012 14:21

I've had two c sections. I found that I didn't want visitors to stay for long at visiting hours, but that some would stay until after the bell signalling the end of visiting time had rung. I'd ask DH to tell his family that you will not be feeling that good after the op and that you'd like visitors to stay no longer than 20 minutes (that'll mean they'll stay for 30). Otherwise I'd worry you'll have visitors from 3pm right through to 8pm.

igggi · 29/02/2012 15:02

You have to go with your instincts on this one, which seem to be not to have visitors.
I had ds by ecs in the mid-morning, I had my best friend, my DM, and the PIL all visiting on that day. I was quite excited for them to meet LO tbh, I think I needed to be alone with just dp more the next day.

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