36 weeks pregnant and funeral...do I go or not?

[cupcakeandtea]

A very close friend of mine tragically lost her seven month old baby at the weekend.

I intended to go to the funeral this week but my DH thinks it's going to be too upsetting as I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. He has offered to go on his own instead.

I really feel I need to be there to support my friend but at the same time there's a slight worry that the funeral itself (which is going to be horrendously upsetting) is going to be too much for me and that me being so visibly pregnant may not be that helpful to her.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

I think you should go. Of course it will be upsetting for you but that pales into insignificance when you consider what she's feeling. Unless there's any medical reason why it could actually put your health at risk.

Also I think you'll find it easier to support her going forward if you are present at this incredibly important milestone event. Otherwise you may always have it in the back of your mind that you weren't there.

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.

Could you text your friend or her dp and ask what they'd prefer? Just say you'd understand if they found it to upsetting to see you at the minute, etc.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Have you had the chance to ask your friend how she feels about you going and being obviously pregnant. To be honest I don't think you being pregnant will make the day any worse for her, and if you are very close friends I would imagine she would value your support. It will be a very upsetting occasion, but you have to also think how you will feel if you don't attend. Sorry I can't be much more help, there's no right or wrong answer unfortunately.

I agree with viva - maybe your DH could contact her DP to sound it out - the most important thing is to not do anything to hurt her - whether by staying away or going.

That's what I think alarksapree. I really don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I didn't go and we've been through so much together over the past decade or so.

I feel it is my duty as a friend to go and support her. think it will upset me far more if I can't be there.

I don't think me being pregnant will even register such is her grief at the moment.

I have to disagree with those who think you should contact her to ask about going. Although I've never been in your friend's position so perhaps others know better. But it seems to me that her grief must be totally overwhelming, and asking her to make decisions like that is just putting an extra burden on her.

I don't really want to bother them so I think I'll go to the funeral unless told otherwise.

If it was the other way round, I know she'd move hell and high water to be there for me.

Thanks for your advice though- it's gratefully received.