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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

pregnancy depression? Warning - some people may find offensive

17 replies

Toogreatexpectations · 26/02/2012 16:30

Despite TTC for a year now I'm 12 weeks pregnant I don't feel remotely happy. I feel as though I'm trapped in a life I don't recognise as my own, a partner I don't even like, and a future that seems nothing but miserable. I know I am an awful person for feeling like this and I thought it would stop once I had a scan but it hasn't. If anything I feel worse. I have never felt so unhappy. I hate myself for even putting it into words.

I started another thread in AIBU a week ago which was sort of about this and some people suggested ante natal depression might be a possibility. Does anyone know anything about it? I know I should go to the dr but I'm so scared of what they'll think of me, what kind of woman feels like this about something as precious as a baby? Could it be that or have I just made an awful mistake in thinking I could be a good mum?

TIA

OP posts:

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Indith · 26/02/2012 16:34

Antenatal depression is very real and absolutely not shameful. Your GP will not think badly about you, please go and ask for help. Your MW can help you too, see whoever you feel more comfortable with.

nearlymumofone · 26/02/2012 16:38

Your hormones are going mental at the moment and you can do nothing to control them. Don't feel bad or guilty, hopefully they'll calm down and you'll start to feel a bit more like your old self. Sorry I can't be more help just wanted to say it must be sh*t feeling that way, and I hope you pick up soon x

Harecare · 26/02/2012 16:40

I think I have this. Am 30 weeks and feel a bit loopy. I'm sure it will pass, but I'm currently not even looking forward to the new baby, just looking forward to not being pregnant. I'll probably feel better when the baby's about a year old.
No reason to think this, just how I feel now. See your GP and try to understand that it's depression causing the sadness, not your DP, the baby or anything else.

Flisspaps · 26/02/2012 16:41

Speak to your GP or MW

Depression isn't your fault, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a chemical imbalance and you shouldn't see it as different to any other illness or condition you might find yourself with, pregnant or not.

TulipsFromHamsterJam · 26/02/2012 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DottyDot · 26/02/2012 16:48

Aww - I felt exactly like this. I had wanted children for years and went through a lot to get them, but as soon as I eventually got pregnant I hated it. Not only the feeling of being pregnant. But also the baby itself (which I called "it" all the way through the pregnancy). I felt it had taken my body over and I couldn't stand it. I was miserable and down - not myself- all the way through it. I actually cried once I got past being 24 weeks pregnant because I knew I the couldn't have a termination . And this was a much wanted baby...

The good news is that the second he was born, I loved ds wholeheartedly and was myself again - I can't describe how amazing it was to get myself back and have this amazing baby who was almost nothing to do with my horrible pregnancy feelings.

So, hang in there - how you feel now won't be how you feel when your baby's finally here!

MrsMcEnroe · 26/02/2012 16:51

OP - please please please go to your GP. S/he will NOT judge you or think that you are awful for having these feelings. Help is available to you, and yes, ante-natal depression is real.

Pleae ring your GP first thing in the morning and don't get off the phone until you have made an appointment - and yes, you do need an urgent, same-day appointment.

Hormones can be an absolute nightmare and this is not your fault.

Hope you feel better soon.

Hotpotpie · 26/02/2012 16:55

I think its quite normal to get those feelings, I have been through periods of absolutely detesting my poor OH, and as much as it distresses me to say sometimes I cannot be around his daughter, everything annoys me, I hate work, I hate people and I feel totally trapped too, despite this being a planned pregnancy and pre pregnancy me being really happy with my life. I think an awful lot of this is due to hormones and ive found that as Ive gotten further on in my pregnancy the thoughts and feelings come and go, so dont feel bad, theres plenty of us out here feeling very similar, have a chat to your GP or your midwife and see what they suggest

Hope things start to feel better for you soon :)

no1childminder · 26/02/2012 20:24

im 20wks and around 15wks i started to feel very very depressed. this lasted for about 3wks. i felt i hated my fiance, i didnt want to pay my mortgage any more, didnt care if i lost my house, and hated everything and everyone around me. i felt so so bad for feeling this way. my baby is due in july, and 7wks later we are getting married. (wedding booked first and baby not planned). i thought we'd be ok, until 1 of our lodgers left (we had 2) and i was made redundant at work. i am finding it hard to find work, as no-one wants a pregnant nanny! i felt very guilty for feeling unhappy when all ive ever wanted is to get married and start a family. im surprised my partner stayed with me!! i think its normal to feel depressed, having a baby is a major life change and think what your bodys going through too. im back to normal now and now i can see that it was my hormones and i can admit that i was depressed. when it was happening i couldnt see it at all. i want you to know ur not alone and i felt talking to my partner really helped.

AKMD · 26/02/2012 20:45

OP, please see your GP or MW. They will not think you're an awful person; antenatal depression is quite common. I had it and I wish I had recognised it and sought help sooner because once DS was born it took 6 weeks of me being utterly miserable before I asked for help. Those were 6 long, horrible, wasted weeks that should have been one of the happiest times of my life.

Antenatal depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can be corrected with the right medication. You do not have to feel like this.

memphis83 · 26/02/2012 20:55

Go to your docs, they will be very understanding, you could request a mw appointment to talk to her if that would be better for you, I had antenatel depression, looking back I feel like the way I felt was another person, like I cant believe I felt like that.
At my 20 week scan I sobbed all the way there promising DH I will love the baby, almost trying to convince myself, once they balanced out my hormones I was back to myself and love being a mum and love my ds more than words can describe, please be open with your dp, I wasnt and I pushed him away and once he understood how I felt he was a great help.

Harecare · 26/02/2012 21:33

Just found this site. Wish I'd found it earlier. depression-in-pregnancy.org/2011/11/04/free-guide-to-ands/

Joygirl78 · 27/02/2012 07:16

There was a thread about depression in pregnancy here about a week ago, and I posted a link to a Guardian article which was really interesting. See if you can find it

goingmadtrying · 27/02/2012 07:26

op please make sure you contact your gp or mw they will want to help. i hope your dh/dp is being supportive, make sure you keep talking, this does not mean you will not love your child, your hormones ate struggling with the change that is all, you have been very brave to ask for help on here so don't be frightened to take the advice, just asking for help is a step in the right direction sending you big hugs xxx

AuntLucyInPeru · 27/02/2012 07:33

So sorry you're having a hard time.
I'm sure I had AND in my second pregnancy from around 20 weeks onwards - crying every day, going out to sit in the park in the rain, desperate not to have to go home and face my life anymore - and
I was too afraid and ashamed to tell anyone. I very much come from a 'buck up and get on with it' family. It went away as soon as the baby was born for me. Do you have a sympathetic midwife you can cry on for an hour? Sometimes letting it all out to someone who's 'safe' outside your situation and won't judge can help.
And they'll have seen it all before...

Original poster

Toogreatexpectations · 27/02/2012 07:46

Thank you for your replies. I feel a bit more clear headed for having a bit of support on here.

My boyfriend has left for the time being, I don't think he understands why I'm so miserable when he wants me to be happy, I think he feels I'm ruining it all for him so wanted to get away from me. I haven't got the energy to try and explain to him at the moment but I will contact GP thanks to your encouragement. Im sure boyfriend will be back, hes always done this if he cant deal with something.

Thanks for sharing your stories, i know it's not an easy thing to talk about, I really do appreciate it.

OP posts:

goingmadtrying · 27/02/2012 08:13

that's good to hear that you feel that the support know here will help you to contact your gp, you sound as if you can cope with situation with your dp hopefully once you are a bit clearer in your own thoughts you can discuss these with him, have you got anyone in rl that would support you with this maybe your mum or a friend good luck hun x

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