perineal massage help, please

[HardCheese]

I know perineal massage is important and studies show it really helps avoid tearing, but I've not been able to make myself do it yet (almost 37 weeks). I'm very uneasy with touching myself there/having anyone's fingers there - I was in my thirties before I started to use tampons, and have never had a smear - and I don't feel comfortable asking my partner either.

I've read a lot of stuff on it, I've looked at diagrams and Youtube videos, and I get out the oil and then I freeze. No position or being in the bath has helped.

Any advice? I know I should just get on with it, but I've really tried, and it seems I can't. It won't surprise anyone to know that the part of giving birth I'm dreading isn't the pain but the internal exams.

Please don't flame - I realise this is juvenile, and I feel bad enough about it.

I have had 3 VB without tearing - without any perianal massage.
I'd not sweat it too much. Really.
The less stressed and worried you are about labour the easier you are going to find it.
And you don't have to agree to internal exams, you know...

Good luck.

Have you tried looking up some stretches you can do instead of massage? No need to even take your clothes off let alone use oil. I learnt one in my Lazy Daisy class that I must start doing again now I'm 34 weeks. I will google and come back with a link if I find one...

Perianal massage doesn't necessarily prevent tearing.
Certainly failed when I did it religiously, Through two pregnancies.

Hardcheese, I totally know how you feel. I have NEVER worn tampons because I just can't stand the feeling of them, AND I've only ever had one smear test - I know that's bad, but I'm going to get one post birth as soon as I can.
Anyhoo, I'm going to start the perineal massages in about a week's time (currently 30 wks). There is no way I can do it myself though as I'll never be able to reach. Will have to get DH to do it. Have decided to start doing it a little earlier in order to get used to the whole process. Will probably have to get DH just to gently massage outside to begin with, and then, very very very gradually, get him to insert fingers in a little bit further at each subsequent massage. Hopefully this approach will mean I can build up to a "full proper one".

I know that's probably not much help, but is there no way you could bite the bullet and ask your partner for some help with it?

Hardcheese, I also am the same. I know I should be able to do this, but I just can't. And again I know it sounds a but pathetic, but I just can't overcome my 'fear'. I'm nearly 36 weeks too. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to let you know that other people feel the same about it .

I'd LOVE a stretch I could do, if whoever mentioned the Lazy Daisy class can find the link

I also really should overcome my fear since I had a third degree tear (after forceps and an episiotomy) with DS too

I didn't do it.

I knew I was supposed to do it. I wasn't scared. I was massive and couldn't reach.

Your title made me wonder just how friendly you wanted MNers to be

I know statistically it does make a difference, but in RL a lot of women won't do it or can't do it. Don't beat yourself up.

at the title thing Nagoo - that's just made me laugh out loud and have to explain it to DH

I have no issues with the idea of doing it but only did it twice in my last pregnancy. Not convinced it really does anything so of all the things to worry about this is the one I'd forget about! Think it's more to do with luck than anything else how bad/if you tear. Is it more the idea of a tear that is scaring you?

Title nearly made me choke on my tea!

The perineal stretch that you get taught in lazy Daisy classes is pretty good to do.

Get on all fours on your hands and knees and bring your right foot up level with your right hand (so you have one leg behind on your knee and both hands on the floor flat in front of you an your right knee above your right hand, with the foot flat on the floor next to your hand, almost like a lunge). Rock slowly backwards and forwards, holding it for the count of 5 at each end to stretch the pelvis and the perineum. Then swap sides. Hope this makes sense.

That's the one Jezzabell - I did my class ages ago and couldn't think how to describe it :)

am very interested in that stretch you mention jezzabell- i think i get what you mean- so you'd almost look like a sprinter about to start a race??

Thanks, everyone - I really appreciate the level of kindness shown on here. Good to know other people are in the same boat, and particular thanks to those who talked about the Lazy Daisy stretch, which I will start to do immediately.

My sister and I never did it, she's had 2 vbs no tearing. I've had one, 1st degree tear all the way down because dd decided to come out like supergirl with her fist by her face. Mw said there was nothing I could have done to prevent it so I agree, I think it's more positioning than anything.

yes, muslimah the 'on your marks' bit of a Sprint start, but with your foot that's flat on the floor a bit further forward so It's level with your hand flat on the floor.

Thanks jezzabell that sounds a lot better option than the massage tho I will prob do both now bc I had major episiotomy probs last time so want to avoid tearing and stitches. Thanks!

fantastic - that stretch sounds a lot more straighforward: I can combine it with my prenatal Davina DVD!

I did it religiously from 32 weeks, and had to have an episiotomy as (in the midwife's words) I was "too tight" down there!!!

Ooooo we do that stretch in our pregnancy yoga class - didn't realise that was what it was doing!