One for the mums...

[MrsLister]

....but I was wondering. What do you and your other half do in those two weeks after giving birth when he's got his paternity leave?

I have visions of us both sat watching boxsets for two weeks in between breast feeding (me) and eating (him) but have a feeling I may need to remove my rose tinted spectacles... !!

I think 'looking and acting like shell-shocked zombies' pretty much covers my experience... I remember having a very odd moment when we brought DS home, put him in the middle of the living room carpet in his carseat and just stared at him, in a 'well, what do we do' way. But yeah, boxsets and breasts is probably just as likely!

YES!

What do you do in those first few days? Like actually, when you finally have the baby...what happens once you're home?

Hahahaha Ifherbummm - I imagine that's we'll do too!

Umm, changing dd, clearing up sick, bathing, trying to get naps. They're 24 hours a day at that stage, I never got more than 90 minutes sleep at a time. Washing clothes, bedding etc. watching her awake and asleep, taking lots of photos, dealing with visitors. Buying girly clothes for dd, new clothes that fit for me.

Most of all though, establishing feeding often isnt easy. DH helped me when it hurt, brought me drinks, helped me with the latch (it's not easy holding a squirming baby and getting the right latch and when your arm moves your nipple moves so you're chasing a moving target).

Enjoy your vision while it lasts though!

I agree with bum

First few days, I have no idea what either of us did.
I stayed in bed and fed DD and ate and drank.
and watched TV (so made sure the remote was always with me)
I did some sleeping.

at that point, DD was in the moses basket most of the time (can't believe that now though! cos she sleeps with us in our bed now), so DH would have to pass her to me and put her back.
He also spent a lot of time pacing the room with her when I needed to sleep and therefore she wouldn't.
he also had to fetch me food and drinks.

he wasn't allowed to leave the house unless i'd been to the toilet and he'd got me enough food and drink to fulfill me till he got back.
he did get out of bed, but we both stayed in bed until 11 ish most days.
he also changed nappies and clothes, and did the winding.
DH looked after the animals too.

Trying to sleep, trying to feed, trying to poo (mother and baby).

Being host to various cooing relatives & friends.

Eating contents of freezer.

Happy days, but no box sets here I'm afraid.

Hang on, have just had a flashback - we came home at about 1800 on the Sunday, I had absolutely no breast milk at all, seriously, those things were as dry as a desert thistle in May, but we had no formula because we hadn't foreseen me not breastfeeding, and all the shops were shut!! The horror... I can't even remember what we did to resolve it now.

Another vote for the 'grab sleep/showers/food when you can' brigade... my DH did a fair bit of cooking, which was very much appreciated! I cried when he went back to work :(

And if you find yourself in a situation like ifherbum's, then go back to the maternity unit (if possible) and ask them for one or two of those presterilised bottles and teats - my hospital gave them to me without me having to ask, bless them. God knows what we would've done otherwise!!

Alternatively if you want to be RIDICULOUSLY prepared then buy in a couple of formula cartons when on maternity leave and a tiny plastic cup baby can lap from :)

I cried when DH went back to work too.

I'd relied on him totally while he was off (he had 3 weeks with holiday)
The day he went back I didn't have a clue what to do or how to look after me and a baby all on my own.

Arranging flowers. It's very sweet of people to send flowers, but I had 5 massive bouquets - that's a lot of stems to chop and vases to find.

I bought DS2 home on xmas day-that was fun .

I think the plonking them in the middle of the room and going what do we do now pretty much sums it up!

If you have been sensible enough to stock up and have pre cooked meals in he freezer, then your plan of box sets sounds pretty good to me.

Haha - ifherbum I can totally picture DH and I doing the same.

Errrr - what are we supposed to do with THAT then?

Thanks for all your responses - I have a feeling DH will be on cooking duty for three weeks!

I remember there was no real distinction between day or night. Ate and slept whenever we could. Kept staring at baby no quite believing he was here and was so gorgeous. I feed ds and dh fed and watered me. Slowly but surely got over the birth as the aches and pains died down. Got out of my pjs and went for a walk after a week. Also so lots of family visiting, this time apart from mum there will be no overnight guests allowed until dh goes back to work. Wish we had a bit more alone time just the three of us.

It's sometimes described as a baby moon as the whole world is shut out and all that matters is the three of you.

DH went back to work after a week, which including my hospital stay left us with 4 days at home together. Seem to remember doing a lot of sleeping in shifts and eating pizza!

I giggled when I read this OP, then giggled more when I realised that you're on the same Due Month thread as I am.

Casting my mind back 2 years to when DS was born I remember sitting in one place for probably the first month getting breastfeeding established. DH cooked and cleaned and wiped my tears when I was crying.... I didn't have PND or anything, just normal baby blues.

There was a lot of visits from friends and family in those first 2 weeks, plus daily visits from the midwife to check my stitches and DS's health in general.

OP, don't worry about that stage too early, but as others have said: be prepared for a slight zombie-like state.

If I got dressed that was a real achievement, seriously! Trying to get to grips with breast feeding was so hard. My ds cried solidly and only stopped when and if he slept. I then cried from day 5-10 solidly, which was not pn depression, just regular baby blues which no one seemed to warn me about before hand, but then every other person told me how it happened to them after I'd been through it! It got better hugely after day 10 though, it was like the cloud had lifted. I'm afraid box sets were far from our minds in those 2 weeks, although hopefully you'll have a dream baby who just sleeps and eats- I'm hoping for one of those this time!!
Good luck

What are the baby blues if you don't mind me asking? Is it a crash for the huge high of giving birth??

And thanks needles - you're probably right, I shouldn't be worrying about this so soon! :)

I have to say that I didn't have the 'huge high' of giving birth, but then neither were baby blues a 'crash'. It was more like I'd just start crying for no particular reason. I wasn't sad, just overwhelmed. Crazy hormones.

Those two weeks... DH did the bulk of cooking and cleaning, and making tea for the visitors. Oh, and food shopping. Basically all the menial stuff! And we all stayed in bed as much as possible, preferring sleep to boxsets.

Be prepared for recovery from the birth - you will not feel at all normal at first - you'll be bleeding, and probably aching, and all sorts. Take it easy - it all changes so quickly. And don't despair if you can't get organised to leave the house, do the washing-up, etc.

It was like your vision for us....boxsets, trips out to flea markets one sunday and gardens.......i don't think the newborn stage is stressful for everyone....depends on you and the baby you get but you will spend a lot of time breast feeding if you choose that and that can hurt a fair bit at first.
Yes the baby wakes up but you just sleep when they sleep and they sleep a lot!
Hopefully it will be as lovely as you imagine it.....I was shocked by how no one told me how lovely a newborn is and everyone went on about how hard it is......overall it is easier than I think people claim it is but of course they may have just different temperaments in themselves and in their babies.
Enjoy it and hec if it is tougher than you imagine the days go quickly.

Thanks coco - yes I suppose I have no idea what kind of birth I'm going to have (birth 'plans' being an oxymoron!) so will need to bear that in mind.

missic - you're my inspiration :)

Yes I think the baby blues are completely hormonal and it feels like you can't manage. But, as mentioned above not everyone gets this at all, and if you do, don't panic or worry, it will pass and is a perfectly natural experience to go through.
I wish someone had warned me of it before hand and I was totally oblivious to baby blues, and felt I was the only one to ever go through it! I will keep fingers crossed that you have an easy baby, whatever happens it is just a phase, good luck

yes, baby blues are just wanting to cry for no reason at all, or feeling overwhelmed by this new thing you have sole responsibility for, and sometimes feeling sad.

I think mine was played out quite effectively in the hospital (i got transferred in to be stitched up), when DH didn't appear the next day (visiting was from 10am and I expected him at about 11 or 12, because all he had to do was buy a car seat and fetch me some clean clothes) until about half past 3, so I'd already had plenty of time to have a complete meltdown because he had disappeared and could just pack his bag and have a divorce because why would he leave me and a baby the day after I'd given birth?, and I also managed to have in the middle of the day a massive meltdown because they kept going on about my low iron level, but didn't give me any food that had any iron in it! (nutritionally balanced my ARSE ) That one was probably made a lot worse by the fact that DH hadn't appeared and I couldn't get hold of him because my phone battery had run out. (I had texted him at about 9 to tell him I needed real food because I was starving - expecting of course that he would appear about 2 hours max later)

Tried to breastfeed
Changed nappy after nappy
tried to get washed
Tried to get dressed
Wondered what to do with baby/why baby was crying
Sent DH tto shop for random previously unheard of item that was now needed on ten seconds notice
Tried to sleep occasionally
Tried to breastfeed
Got visited by midwife
Did oodles of washing
Went for heel prick on day 6 at clinic, which took about an hour to get ready to leave the house for
Tried to remember to eat
Felt v confused about what time of day or night it was
Changed baby's clothes because he'd puked a bit of milk all down himelf
Wondered whether to bother winding or not
Bathed the baby when he pooed and sicked and weed all over himself on the changing mat
Tried to go for a walk
Wondered why he awoke every time he was laid flat (normal)
Breastfed, breastfed, breastfed
Worried about an awful lot of small things. Tried to analyse everything.
Panicked a bit
Forgot every bit of info I'd been given antenatally
Phoned the national breastfeeding helpline (0300 100 0212) more than once and cried quite a lot, at them and my DH
Leaked. Everything leaked. My tears, my lochia, my milk, the baby...
Tried to do a poo (terrifying the first time)
Fussed about my stitches
Took photos
Tried to remember to make ourselves drinks

Tbh, first time round we had a nightmare of an experience postnatally and DH and I both lost a fair amount of weight in that fortnight and found it v stressful. The next 2 times couldn't have been more different . We were more relaxed, feeding went better and I'd had completely straightforward births so recovery was easier. We also worried so much less and had older DC(s) to distract us.

Just bear in mind: This. Too. Will. Pass.

If you feel too overwhelmed, remember it will not be like that forever, even when it feels like it at the time

Hahah - thanks pesto. I have a feeling I'll be on this board frequently during those two weeks! :)

the MW did our heel-prick at home.

By DC3, I had my routine pretty much set it goes something like this:

First 24/48 hours:

Sleep when the baby has been fed, regardless of if he or she is asleep or not!

Everything else can be dealt with by DH. He is in charge of feeding me, looking after the other children and I am left in my bed unless I feel like venturing downstairs. People are welcome to visit, but I am not expected to appear as if by magic looking radiant and ready to regale every detail of the birth.

Plenty of time for that later,when I have recovered.

I usually welcome the time to 'come down' from the birth, cry without having to explain to worried children why mummy is sobbing for apparently no reason!

Throughout the day the children come in for snuggles and to watch TV, bath/shower and into clean PJ's I do not get dressed until at least day 3!

My DH only takes about a week of for paternity leave so I make sure I rest as much as possible, by the 3rd day I am usually ready for getting dressed and going out for a walk.

Days 4/5/6/7 and beyond!:

Establishing a routine of sorts that only has to include everyone being clean/fed/dressed, if beds don't get made or the hoovering doesn't get done tough it wont last forever and those early days fly by so quickly!

My tips for the early days would be, baby does not need dressing in anything more complex than baby grows, cute outfits can come later!

Invest in some disposable/good quality paper plates to eat off that can be binned rather than pots piling up in the sink! (unless you have a dishwasher of course!)

Leave out Tea/Coffee/Sugar milk,mugs etc, and tell visitors to help themselves.

Be realistic, you DO NOT have to be dressed to welcome visitors, they are coming to share your celebrations and will be reminded that you are recovering, its surprising how much getting dressed/hair/makeup etc takes it out of you.

Likewise your house does not have to be tidy, wasting energy trying to maintain your usual routine when you should be resting will only exhaust you, you have forever to perfect being supermum, the days after such a massive event, trust me is not the time. The world will not stop turning if the floor isn't mopped!

You need to consider it as a Babymoon, and enjoy it, as it will pass in a haze, take photos,lots of photos enjoy each other and remember that there will be frustrating moments for you all but these will be eclipsed by the overwhelming love you will all share, and that is what is important, nothing else really matters!

(I speak as someone who fell into the 'supermum' trap 1st time around and ended up a gibbering/exhausted wreck!)