Crazy pregnancy hormone support :)

[bettybat]

Hi all,

So I've already posted having a complete meltdown about being pregnant for the first time, renting and cats All you lovely ladies were SO lovely, and reading through Pregnancy, there seems to be a fair few others that are struggling with getting a much hoped for BFP and now feeling a bit down.

I feel a bit at starting another thread just for myself so I thought - how about a support thread for everyone to vent their feelings in a safe place without judgment? I think we all rationally know its pregnancy hormones but I also read an article about pre-natal depression and well, I just think you can't go far wrong a bit of reassurance, hand holding and talking to people in a similar position.

For me personally - I badgered and badgered DH into starting TTC. For about four years. Pre-pregnancy I had everything worked out and endlessly indulged in cosy baby fantasies. Now I just feel really down, can't seem to access that broody feeling, creating negative scenarios about everything and worried I'm not happy or excited. Just apprehension. I don't want to mention it to anyone in R/L because I was ALL ABOUT the getting pregnant.

Anyone else? :)

Hello.

I was desperate for a baby before becoming pregnant, and am now 24 weeks + with my first. Although I have lots of friends with kids, and am quite realistic about how difficult life with a new baby can be, I now think that I was massively naive about pregnancy itself. I actually thought I might enjoy it - silly, SILLY me! The truth is that I've found I hate being pregnant, and don't feel able to say that to anyone I know in case they think I'm a psycho, or suffering from antenatal depression (I don't think I am).

I hate that I'm now massively hormonal, have random crying days for no reason, and what hard work that must be for my poor DH. It's like having PMT 90% of the time.

I hate the fact that I still can't even walk to the shops without being exhausted afterwards, and that walking is one of the most uncomfortable things for my bladder if the baby happens to be leaning on it (which seems to be most of the time).

I hated the sickness in the first trimester, the heartburn, the constipation, and the fact that I'm now usually hungry, but nothing I eat ever tastes quite right or particularly nice.

I hate the permanent, crippling backache/headaches (I have scoliosis, so lots of people don't realise that it's not just the usual pregnancy backache), and not being able to take anything for it.

I hate the sore, bleeding gums, the daily nose bleeds, and the fact that I can no longer breath once I lie down at night.

I hate the fact that you're not supposed to take any medication apart from paracetamol, or eat/drink so many nice things, and the judgemental looks you get from others if you choose to do so.

I hate the fact that I now have the mental capacity of a four year old, and that I can barely summon up the energy/motivation to do ANYTHING, ever.

I'm also feeling really apathetic about actually buying anything for the baby, or sorting out the nursery, and am starting to worry that it means I'm going to hate motherhood as much as pregnancy.

So don't worry, it's DEFINITELY not just you!

Sage - so sorry to hear you're having such a bad time! I'm beginning to wonder if anyone has this mythical, glowing, wondrous pregnancy I keep hearing about. If anyone has, this is NOT the place to post about it

If it's of any comfort, I really don't think pregnancy is anything to mark your potential motherhood experience by! Not that I have any experience at all, but I have observed that the majority of people fall instantly in love and any burgeoning resentment of physical effects will instantly evaporate

The whole thing is just so very unnerving and it's undermined by the fact that I pushed for this so hard. I feel like I've cried solidly for a week, over house prices, cats, ovens, starving tigers that need saving, nuts stuck in my teeth and bacon (lack of).

Heyy my DH thinks im a psycho i threw a remote at him yesterday because he said im crazy...
cause thats how rational people react... :/ Im feeling very up and down all the time i feel very victimized as a pregnant woman, today a guy pushed me over on the bus i sobbed my heart out all the way home!! i love my little boy and he makes it all worth it when i feel him kick but gosh with work ganging up on me and even randomers and sometimes my own mother it all feels a bit much and you know what!!
I AM SO SICK OF EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I MEET THINKING THEY ARE A F%&IN MIDWIFE ADVISING ME CONSTANTLY ARRRGHHHHHHH boils over*
:(

I am starting to wonder if I do have antenatal depression. I keep telling my OH that I don't have any interest in doing things, that nothing could give me pleasure and that's why I don't take up hobbies or try to do anything fun or interesting with my free time - because there is nothing fun or interesting - but he doesn't seem to get it.

Like you I struggled so hard to get pregnant. I was supposed to get married last year. We were supposed to be having a baby straight after. My dad died 3 weeks before the ceremony. I had a miscarriage 2 months after that. When my birthday was coming up I became so intent, I absolutely would not let the year pass without at least getting pregnant. And so I made it happen.

In the time since we've been forced to move out into another house. We've found out OH owes a lot in taxes from a HMRC screwup, and we've also lost our dispute with the financial ombudsman over unfair bank charges. So we're looking at paying a lot more over the following year than we had originally envisioned in debts whilst already having had to pay out in unexpected expenses. It seems like everything keeps going wrong and more debt keeps being added on top of us when all we're trying to do is work our way out.

I feel so irresponsible and guilty. I've been working 12 days in a row with only every other weekend off to try to earn enough to make sure we're be financially stable once the baby arrives, but I keep getting messed around by work and other things always seem to come up. Sometimes I wake up at 2 or 3am sick with worry and I can't settle back down.

I get so down and I'm worried about the affect it's having on the baby. I feel like the world's worst mother and I haven't even started yet.

dizzykipper - that sounds like such a rough time, I'm so sorry! I'm no doctor but that sounds very much like depression and feeling down/anxious because you've had such a very real, very rough time this last year! You cannot under estimate the effect of grief on a person, and having your world messed with in such a way - security of your home can hugely affect a person in a psychological way.

I was once made homeless because my landlord didn't pay his mortgage - I was paying rent but got a letter from the bank to say the property had been repossessed, I had no rights, and had to leave. Heavens, this was about nine years ago and I was young, no dependents and resilient - I lived in a caravan in someone's garden for 4 months to save up a new deposit. In the end, I was fine.

But I never really got over it - to this day I am obsessed with property security and I completely understand how unnerving it is to feel such a lack of security. And you are pregnant, understandably feeling vulnerable. I posted about that sense of irresponsibility a few days ago and you know what? I got an overwhelming response from the people on here that I wasn't - that all my baby needed was love and care from its parents. And that is exactly all your baby needs.

I really think you ought to go and see your GP or a counselor because anxiety will just mess you up, really bad. It's an insidious thing. You are still in flight or fight mode, from your body's perspective. The run of awful luck you've had has left your body thinking there's still a bear in the woods you need to run away from, if you get my meaning. None of it is your fault, and you and your OH need each other more than ever. And your baby needs strong, healthy parents.

Please don't think that you should both just muddle through....there is help, even if it just getting things off your chest to realise that overwhelming tidal wave of worry and anxiety will NOT drown you :) EVERYBODY needs a helping hand and you and your OH will get through this on a practical and financial level - but you also both need some TLC for your psyches - to realise this is just dumb bad luck and you're not irresponsible people. To cope emotionally as well as deal with all the crap you are on a practical level is tough for anyone.

As someone who knows, take it from me - anxiety can be overwhelming and no amount of giving stern talkings to yourself or trying to force your way through will help. It will always latch onto your worst fears and right now you're so vulnerable. Please take care of yourselves first - your baby only needs healthy parents.

Hi everyone. This is a good thread because I personally feel im not allowed to have a moan about pregnancy. This Is baby number 4 for us so DH has seen it all before and just has very little sympathy.

I feel truly blessed to be pregnant, and my dc are all so lovely, but in truth, I don't 'do' pregnancy well at all. I'm 19 weeks now, but feel like I'm 30+! The thing that gets me most is the overwhelming tiredness. I can be just up from a reasonable nights sleep and I just want to go back to bed. Sometimes I feel as though I have lead in my bones, just walking can be exhausting. I had very bad SPD with the last pregnancy and am terrified of being that debilitated again. I just feel 'yuck'. But the thing that makes it so much worse is that my SIL is also expecting and she is wonder woman! She breezes through her pregnancies like nothing is happening. I'm sure she could run a marathon at 9 months gone. This is the third time now she has fallen pregnant about a month after me and of course I get the whole family comparing us all the way through. Well I'm spotty, greasy hair, fat and so tired, she's thin, immaculate, active and perfect so there I've said for them all now.

I am lucky though, DH does do loads around the house and with DC so I'd be lost without him.

Dizzykipper - I really think that you should make an appointment to see your GP, and tell them how you're feeling, as there is help out there. Also mention it to your midwife next time you see her.

Flagnogbagnog & Puddingnazi - I find myself hating women who have had easy pregnancies, especially as many of them think that their experience is how it is for everyone, and that you're being pathetic/a hyperchondriac if you complain. My MIL had 2 symptom-free pregnancies, and I'm sure she thinks I just need to man up!

I just read each message thinking to myself "if someone comes along and says there having a lovely easy pregnancy, im going to hunt them down and eat them".

I hate pregnancy i dont think its easy for anyone and some people suffer more with the problems caused by it than others. Here is an example of some of the stupid stuff my brain has made me do, i hope it cheers you all up

1. begged oh to go and get me some twix's (ive been on about 2 a day since 17 weeks - now im 23), he gives in and goes, i take 1 bite and start crying hysterically cos they dont taste like twix's, sure enough theyre in the same wrapper, from the same shop i get them from but they dont taste like them! so i threw it at him to try, he says no, i say are you calling me stupid, he sits there in silence probably deciding whether to run for his life.

1. I ended up on crutches last week for spd (another lovely side effect from being infected with oh's seed!), i had them on the back seat of the car anyway and i went to pick my mum up from work, she gets in the car and says oh are those your crutches, i say no why, so she asks whose they are, i say mine and start crying, she laughs at me, this makes me worse and i have to pull over and let her drive home cos i cant see from the tears

1. Same as number 1 but replace twix for cream egg, and yes they are definitely smaller.

So you see, its very normal to react in a completely irrational way to any given circumstance. for the first 3 months of this pregnancy i spent it crying in my bed in disbelief that i was pregnant and my life was over, even though we'd been trying for a year. It doesn't matter if its expected or not its a huge thing to take in, your body changes along with your life, taste buds everything, you don't feel like yourself anymore, but i'm learning a bit more now to go with it

but i also hate every stranger who thinks they are qualified midwifes and qualified to tell me im too big/small for 6 months.