Feeling really depressed now and not happy to be pregnant...

[curiousgeorgie]

After a chemical pregnancy (that I got excited about!) then finding out now that the very next month we've been sucsessful and I am pregnant with #2, I was absolutely over the moon.

But today, I am down, and regretful and can't stop crying.

My best friend was upset, she really wants kids so I expected that.

I called my mum to tell her and she was really off with me, saying the handset didn't have much battery so she couldn't talk. I waited an hour for her to call me back and she didn't, so I called her and she expressed concern that it was too soon. (DD is 16 months.)

My closest 'baby friend' and I had something of a pact to tell each other if we were pregnant so I sent her a text with a picture of the test and a winky face... she was very unsupportive... verging on the mean. She said that I'm going to have a very very hard time and (DD isn't walking yet) that if my DD STILL isn't walking by the time i'm heavily pregnant / have a small baby I won't be able to cope. And by the time DD DOES FINALLY WALK (!!!) I'll have to deal with running after her, and tantrums etc while I have a baby to look after.

My in laws were a bit 'blah' about it. I know its my second, but when my sister in law announced she was pregnant 12 weeks ago they cried / hugged / opened champagne.

Now I can't help but sit here and think that if all these people don't really think me having another baby is a good idea, then is it??

My DH just got an amazing new job, so money will be fine. We have just sold our house, so fingers crossed, in about 12 /16 weeks we'll be moving into a much bigger house with another bedroom and playroom. I get an excellent maternity package, and afterwards we can afford for me to give up work.

I didn't have the best pregnancy with my DD. Hyperemesis, gestational diabetes and SPD, so I was already a bit anxious about being pregnant (but so so looking forward to the baby part0... but now this. I don't know.

I feel like i've made a huge mistake.

Maybe my DD not walking yet means that I'm really selfish to do this.

It's so upsetting.

I think thats awful, if your happy to be pregnant thats all that matters, hard I know but ignore the negatives, yes it will be hard with two little ones but plenty of people do it every day so that critisism is utter tripe

Congratulations its lovely news and you know you will always get loads of support on here when you need it

COngratulations :) All those peoples reactions are about them, NOT you.
The baby not walking yet is irrelevant. My ds will be almost 4 when this one is born and I still end up doing more than my fair share of lugging him around. That's life when you have more than one I'm afraid, and is a very odd thing for them to have mentioned. It will be fine. Tbh if I had a choice, I'd have far smaller gaps between my dc. I think in many ways it does make things much easier.

CONGRATULATIONS

You sound like your in a great position to have a baby, of course it won't be easy but how lovely that your 2 babies will be close in age & can really grow up together!

Don't worry about the people around you & their lack of enthusiasm, as long as you and your husband are happy that's the main thing.
I'm only 30 weeks with DS1 & I'm already thinking about number 2 lol.
There's a Hugh age gap between me & my brother and growing up I always wished I had a brother or sister close in age.

Blame the hormones for feeling down!

Hope you feel happy soon,

Hayley xx

my sister got preg with 2nd child like a month after she gave birth with the first. we was all a bit shocked to start with but she coped fine and they are really close kids. so aslong as you can cope with the situation you should be happy. you will have two kids who will have a lot in common! congrats

Fuck everyone else tbh! Your kids will be. CLose you are financially ok and u and dh are pleased. Friends come and go maybe thy are bitter but no excuse to treat u badly so screw them! Male yourself less available and maybe branch out with baby groups etc to gain new friends.

A big huge raspberry to everyone being negative!
But huge congratulations to you!!!

Just think of the age difference between the two, they'll hopefully be so close and happy with each other!
My SIL had her second DS almost 10 months after her first and they get on so well. I think they were delighted that it all came at once and that they can enjoy both DSs growing up together.

You may be feeling down as the hormones made me feel low for a while. Don't worry about other people's reactions, as fuckity says, these reactions are about them, not you. You and DH are the hub of your family and so bar humbug to others!

Woah... that sounds like a lot of thinking, worrying and stressing!

Breathe.

Congratulations!

Try not to let the lack of enthusiasm from others get you down. There's likely to be less excitement about a second child than there is about a first grandchild. They also might just be a little worried because of the conditions you had during your first pregnancy and don't want to see you in pain. You might just have caught them at a wrong moment and you'll be a little sensitive to their reactions because of pregnancy hormones.

Forget them! You are pregnant with a child that will be very much loved and wanted. It also sounds like he or she will have a lovely home.

It's never a 'perfect' time to have a baby. It doesn't matter whether your DD is 16 months or 12 years, if you have as many complications as you did when you were pregnant with her then things won't be easy. You can't control whether you have those complications or not and you aren't going to find out they happen/don't happen.

There will be about a 2 year age gap between your daughter and your new baby. That seems reasonable to me. Was there a particular age difference that you imagined would be good? It might take a little while to readjust your 'perfect family' vision but you will because its what you've got.

I don't know when your daughter will walk before the baby is born, and it sounds like it doesn't matter because she'll be a lot of work either way! It could be that your friend was just reiterating her own ideas behind when she is choosing to have/not have more children to justify to herself that her decision is right for her, without thinking about how that might make you feel.

I'm pregnant with my first. It took us a long time to get pregnant, and we want more than one child, so neither my husband or I are keen to be on contraception for long after the baby is born. It's not knowing whether we just got lucky with this pregnancy and it might take years to get pregnant again, or whether my body is now more healthy (I lost weight) and I could get pregnant fairly quickly. So it's something we have been thinking about at the moment.

I definately want to make sure I have time to adjust to being a parent (physically, emotionally, practically, financially) before we have a second. And I want to get down to my target weight - this pregnancy took me a little by surprise as I had assumed that I'd get down to my target and then need to seek medical help to get pregnant but became pregnant about halfway to my goal. So I want to ensure my body is healthy before I get pregnant again as I feel a little cheated because I will probably still be considered higher risk for this pregnancy because of my weight.

But my/your/your friends/your relatives musing on what makes a good age gap is redundant. You are pregnant now and you'll manage. Just make sure you ask for support when you need it! It isn't all up to you alone to make this work.

Just to clarify, I am thrilled I managed to get pregnant without assistance.

It's just once I decided to lose weight, I thought 'ahh this will be worth it because I'll have a healthier pregnancy and have more choices about giving birth etc.' and in my mind wouldn't get pregnant till I hit my goal weight even though we were still trying.

Now I'm a little disappointed that medical professionals see me (or I think might see me) as a risky, unhealthy overweight person even though I lost weight for a year and worked hard to get fitter.

So I'd like to get to my 'normal range' BMI before getting pregnant again.

Just wanted to say congratulations!! You sound as though you are in a great position to have another baby. If you are happy (or at least were, before everyone else chipped in) and your DP is happy, that is all that matters! Plenty of people have babies close together and they all cope. A friend of mine has just had DC2 only eighteen months after DC1 was born and she's coping really well. Congrats again!