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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

So Im throwing in the towel and feeling pretty bad about it

26 replies

Hotpotpie · 24/02/2012 09:12

Basically that really, not due to start mat leave for another four and a bit weeks but works horrible and I have long standing 'issues' with an older colleague, shes made life hell throughout my pregnancy and over the last week things have taken a turn for the worse so ive decided to move my mat leave forward by two weeks and get the hell out of there

means Im off for four and a half weeks before the baby arrives and I feel really down about it, like Ive failed in some way but equally im really worried about all the stress that im under so that the babys having inflicted on it, I wanted to work right to the end so I have as long as possible with the baby when it comes but I suppose im better relaxed now that in melt down

Thats it really just a nice hormone driven moan!

OP posts:

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TinkerMaloo · 24/02/2012 09:13

you are doing the right thing! these last few weeks pre baby should be stress free and as peaceful as they can be :)

steben · 24/02/2012 09:15

Honestly OP just enjoy it - I ended up having that long off as it was best thing I ever did. Get loads of rest, watch boxsets and go out for lunch! You will never have this time again so make the most of it :)

Original poster

Hotpotpie · 24/02/2012 09:18

Thanks :) Ive literally done nothing but cry the last couple of days mainly at the thought of going back, who would have thought a grown woman with kids of her own could be so bloody cruel?!

Box sets and lunch does sound nice, as does actually getting organised for the baby arriving lmao I still have a list as long as my arm of things I want to do

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 24/02/2012 09:31

OK - you have done what you thought was best, don't go wasting your ML worrying about going back - who knows what might happen in the time you have off?!

Just ENJOY it now!

(Oh & I have no idea why some people are so fecking nasty, they just are. You have to pity them really, their lives must be miserable.)

spannermary · 24/02/2012 09:33

Sounds like a great idea. Good move.

thefurryone · 24/02/2012 09:33

Sounds like you're doing the right thing. The bit of maternity leave pre-baby is a time I now look back on really fondly. It was pretty much the only time I got to enjoy being pregnant and look forward to having a baby I didn't even mind that DS was late I was so happy to just enjoy a bit of time to relax! I'd been so busy with work I had just come to view being pregnant as a rather inconvenient means to an end, so it was a really nice change of pace.

Also I know it's annoying when people who already have babies say things like this but it's the last opportunity you'll get to be totally self-indulgant for a while so enjoy it.

McPhee · 24/02/2012 09:37

Enjoy! Under the circumstances, I think you've made the best decision. Think about all the long lay ins you can have

Do you feel able to make a complaint about this other women?

ImpatientOne · 24/02/2012 09:47

I had an awful colleague so sympathise greatly, even when I was a manager and had lots of staff on mat leave I was always happy for them individually :) I was mad that we didn't get cover but tried very hard not to show this to my staff.

Enjoy your special time :)

angelpantser · 24/02/2012 09:47

I had a boss who gave me a hard time from the minute I told him I was pregnant. To be honest he hadn't been that great before.

I sat down and discussed everything with DH and we decided that I'd start my Maternity Leave at 29 weeks. It was brilliant. I finished in mid October and I watched shite on the telly was able to get prepared for Christmas while I still had energy. I had older DDs and once I got them off to school I had the day to myself. I was prepared for the arrival of my DS well before Christmas and we could relax and enjoy some family time without having to drag myself out of bed every morning to do a job I used to love but grew to hate. DS arrived in the New Year and I was lovely and calm and happy.

Enjoy your time off and good luck with your baby.

Original poster

Hotpotpie · 24/02/2012 09:49

thanks, your all making me feel a bit less of a hopeless moaner anyway!

thefurryone your right you know, ive felt like ive had something to prove all the way through my pregnancy and its totally stopped me enjoying the fact that this is a much wanted baby and I should be getting excited not stressed and blubbing all the time

mcphee Ive complained about her in the past, its stops for a while and then starts again, the last week has just been horrific, we work in an A&E looking after people with mental health problems so its a really pressured job anyway without some one trying to stitch you up every five minutes - I figure my best option is just removing myself from the situation at the moment and probably looking for a new job while im off

OP posts:

miaboo · 24/02/2012 09:53

I've decided that I am going on maternity leave at 29 weeks this time as I hate my work place and have some pretty nasty people there to, When I went on maternity with my previous 2 I was 38 and 36 weeks so this is a big difference and was in the same work place a I'm in now so how things change!,
You are making the right choice and really enjoy the time off and seriously consider looking for another job, I only returned of my last lot of maternity leave in September and I spent the whole 10 months worrying about returning to work which honestly spoiled my leave and time with my baby, this time I know I wont be returning so this is a big weight lifted, so use your time wisely to decided what you want :)

georgethecat · 24/02/2012 09:54

Don't worry, best thing you could of done, I finished at 34 weeks as was fed up and stressed with work. I have been really busy doing stuff in prep for baby. Its not a failing, pg and jobs are different for everyone, some feel well enough to run an empire right up to the day before birth others feel like crap and counting paper clips seems like too much information. Its the modern expectation that we should be able to do it all - crap.

Cazm2 · 24/02/2012 13:18

I sympathise I brought mine forward and finished at 34 works. I feel so much better not having to rush about. I have been pottering around and cleaning etc watching films. Make the most of it and relax. I got some martyrs who loved moaning at me as I finished so early they worked till last minute. Bully for them I say do what is right for yiu!

margoandjerry · 24/02/2012 13:31

I think we forget how vulnerable we are in late pregnancy. We are all good at being strong and getting on with things but actually you are going through something massive and we just don't give ourselves enough acknowledgement of that. So sorry about the horrible woman.

rhibutterfly · 24/02/2012 13:38

i've got SPD so i'm taking mat leave at 29 weeks really can't wait, i've been off work with it this week and i can imagine what others at work are saying as they routinely slag off everyone who takes time off sick

NoFoodwithaFace · 24/02/2012 14:02

I know its hard being pregnant but itsd harder going back to work when you have a baby! try and stick at it because its 4 weeks you'll spend lazing that you spend with your baby!!!

curiousgeorgie · 24/02/2012 14:54

I had exactly the same situation.. my older female colleague (who was also my superior occasionally) was absolutely awful to me. I used to go to the toilets and cry like it was school ... I blame the hormones, I would never do that in non pg life!

Basically one day it got so bad I went up to HR and asked how soon I could leave, they said 12 weeks before my due date is the max (this was about 16 weeks before my due date) so I asked if I could use all my holiday as well (pre maternity), they said yes which took me to having a week left at work... so I coughed, said 'I'm sick' went straight to my GP and got signed off for a week on stress lol...

It was literally the best time of my life... movies everyday, lunch with my friends most days, laying in the garden in the sun, reading, got the baby's room completely ready and washed all the clothes. did far too much baby shopping, went on two pre baby holidays.

Try to enjoy it, stress is not good for the baby so you did the right thing!

Yummymummyyobe1 · 24/02/2012 15:39

Hi,

Don't feel bad I have just moved my mat leave also I was going to work until the Friday before my due date and I am so uncomfortable and tired at 30weeks and 6 days I could cry. Have moved Mat leave by two weeks and have a weeks holiday before that.

In the final count down we pregnant ladies need a lot of TLC and work with the commute, politics and the usual work feeling is no good make use of the time and put your feet up, have long baths (I have been informed these will become a thing of the past once baby is born) eat loads and loads of chocolate (well you are still eating for two and the second person is so much bigger).

ImpatientOne · 24/02/2012 15:41

I am assuming from what you said about where you work that it's NHS Hotpotpie ? I have seen the resentment from older colleagues get worse since the changes to mat leave a few years ago. I had a colleague and very good friend who got pregnant after trying for 7 years by a matter of weeks was one of the first to get the 9 months leave - it was obviously not her plan to do that. The first thing another (pregnant) colleague said to her on finding out was that she was jealous as she was only getting 6 - it was so nasty the way she did it.

I've had colleagues take 14 months in total as the AL and BHs really add up :)

Original poster

Hotpotpie · 26/02/2012 17:08

Sorry everyone ive not been on in a couple of days so missed your comments

Ive looked in to it and unless ive got advice from my midwife to support me finishing then my manager has the right to say no - she wasnt in on Friday so Im going to speak with her on monday and once I know if she will help (no reason to think she wouldnt) Ill speak with my manager and hopefully get the hell out of there!

nofoodwithaface if I work the full four weeks thats actually up to my due date, while I respect where your coming from I dont think thats practical anyway! Ive worked it out that with my holidays it means that I will have to go back to work a week earlier than planned I can live with that

Thanks for all your supportive comments its meant a lot

OP posts:

QTPie · 26/02/2012 17:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

balkanscot · 26/02/2012 19:00

I am currently suffering from labyrinthitis and have barely been able to go to work last week (apart from Thursday morning when I had to go back home as I couldn't last beyond 11 am, and Friday when I actually took flex leave - had booked it ages ago), not sure if I am going to be stable enough on my feet to go tomorrow, I'll try. My last day is supposed to be 16 March when I am taking 4 weeks annual leave, maternity leave starts on 16 April, a day before my due date.

I really wish to stick to this plan but may not be possible. Can only change the dates with the doctor signing me off (otherwise the procedure is to notify HR in writing within 28 days which is too late at this moment). I have also been feeling really tired, my blood pressure is slightly up, am currently borderline anaemic. The thought of spending 8 hours at work for the next 3 weeks is totally unappealing but, labyrinthitis, permitting, will try and honour it.

If your body tells you something you need to listen to it, Hotpotpie. Even though I am currently trying to shut up mine. Damn this sense of responsibility to my work...

missingmymarbles · 26/02/2012 20:05

hotpot if you were planning on working til your due date (did i read that right?), then you actually need a letter to say you are fit to work after 36 weeks iirc, so i think your manager will not be able to say no to you bringing it forward, especially if it is after 36 weeks anyway.

Northernlurker · 26/02/2012 20:08

That's right - you need to be cleared by Occ Health to stay at work in the NHS after 36 weeks. I was working till 37 in a desk based job and had to go see them.

signet2012 · 26/02/2012 21:48

I work in the care sector (posted in back to work thread earlier) I'm a deputy manager and my boss has been an absolute cow to me since I found out. Not continuously to be obvious, but sly digs, shitty attitude and generally making me feel bad. There is a lot of talking behind my back going on which is driving me mad. I have always had a really good relationship with my boss and carried her as she is lacking in skills to do the job to be perfectly honest. I have kept quiet when she has publicly blamed me for her mistakes and took the glory for the good work I have done.

I made the decision today Ill stick it out til maternity leave and then Im not going back. Im also tempted to go on the sick but this inbuilt "cant go on the sick" nature in prevents me from doing so. Im tempted to start mat leave as earlier as possible but when I get full pay sick pay for three months I think I may as well use this? Im not sure how easy it is to go on the sick and having never been on sick before not sure what to say.

Im pretty certain that having butterflies every day and feeling sick and nervous isnt healthy.

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