I'm hoping for some advice as I'm very upset and confused right now - if anyone's been in my situation or has any words of wisdom, I'd really like to hear from them!
The background is that I've been with my partner for seven years and living together for five of those. We're very much in love and, while marriage isn't important to either of us, I was always of the impression that we'd be together forever. I've always been more into the idea of having children than he has but, over the last two years or so, much to my joy he came round to the idea. We discussed it frequently and it was clear that, in the future, children were very much on the agenda.
We discussed my coming off the Pill during the winter and he said he was happy with that, so I did. We said we wanted to "see how things went", in the knowledge that it could take a long time for me to become pregnant. I've had an abortion previously, which I regret, and I was also worried that, after 15 years on the Pill, it could take a long time for my fertility to return. Also, I have several friends who've been trying for babies for a very long time and I didn't want it to get to that stage. I thought, I'm almost 30, I want children - how much longer is it sensible to wait?
Then, a month later, my partner announced that he wasn't happy about my being off the Pill after all. Pretty frustrated with his backtracking, not willing to mess around with my hormones further and safe in the knowledge that he was likely to change his mind back again, I said that I wasn't prepared to go back on it - but could we use condoms until things were clear in his head.
He decided not to do this and also didn't go for the withdrawal method, which I also suggested. We were therefore having unprotected sex for a month - and I think that has resulted in a pregnancy.
I did a test a few days ago and there was a very, very faint line. Almost so faint it was invisible, but definitely there.
I was happy and excited, but my partner has gone into denial. First he said it "couldn't possibly be positive" as the line wasn't strong enough, and then went out and left me alone for the rest of the day without discussing it further. In the four days that have passed since he's said times that he hopes I'm not pregnant and it's the wrong time, etc etc. He's barely discussed it at all really, apart from to say that he doesn't want this baby. It's as if he's ignoring the situation as much as he can. When I refused a second glass of wine a couple of nights ago he said "You don't seriously think you're pregnant, do you? You'd better not be."
We're now at the point where I'm going to do another test in the next few days which, I suspect, will come back with a much more definite line. I FEEL pregnant. I'm tired, I feel nauseous and I feel most unlike myself - though, admittedly, that could be down to the nerves about my partner's reaction.
I very much want this baby and would not abort it. That isn't an option for me. But I'm now facing up to the very real possiblity that, if the second test does come back positive, my partner may ask me to do so and ultimately, he may leave me.
Please advise as to what I should do - at the moment I'm feeling quite lost.
Thank you.