Being depressed during pregnancy, Its taboo i know but i need help

[CharlotteMcAvoy]

Hi ladies,
I'm 21, pregnant with my first baby i am due July 06. I am in a loving happy marriage.
Here the thing i have suffered since being a teen with very severe bouts of depression, i have had help occasionally from my GP, but now i am pregnant it feels even worse i am so happy to be having this baby and its not that the depression has been triggered by the pregnancy, my husband is finding it hard to understand as he just thinks i should be bouncing around glowing constantly because i'm pregnant, but the truth is work is getting me down a lot, and i feel strangely as though i am losing my identity? I'm so anxious all the time and am getting panic attacks i,m crying randomly and just feeling very low.
I just want to know if anyone has felt like this before,
I'm worried to talk to my midwife about it because i don't want them to think i'm crazy and intervene with how i look after my child !
Please help ladies i'm at my wits end
Charlotte
XXX

The thing is, depression in a lot of scenarios just can't be helped. You dont need an 'excuse' to be depressed, and you shouldn't feel guilty about something that is beyond your control (I know, I know, easier said than done)

Depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and I really feel for you. Pregnancy is such a life changing thing, alongside the usual hormone riddled haze depression can seem overwhelming. Ante-natal depression isn't as uncommon as you think, and personally I'd be talking honestly to the midwife about how you feel. There are measures they can put in place if you want (pregnancy safe AD's, extra help from the HV's etc)

FWIW depression doesn't mean you are or will be a bad mother. I had PND and it took me a long time to accept that I was afflicted with this horrible illness, I did not choose it. Be kind to yourself and seek help x

Hi - some people develop ante-natal depression, as well as post natal depression even though they may have had none before. That is why all midwives and health visitors are meant to ask questions at booking appointment and 28 week appointment, so they can help people access help quickly. Could you tell your midwife when you next see her and find out what support is available. A whole range of support, from talking, to short term counselling before birth (if sorted in time, like CBT), perhaps a referral to a mental health midwife if you have on in your area or even the peri-natal mental health team. I have just seen a mental health midwife, who helped me realise how normal it is (especially with hormones and being off medication for me), she gave me an individual tour of the labour ward so that I could ask all I wanted which really helped me too.

Hope you can reach out for help - if not your midwife, then how about your Gp?
x

Thanks for the replies ladies, i have just recently moved so had to change my GP and my midwife team so i feel i bit scared to just throw the big D word at them before they have had time to understand i'm not a risk to my baby. This is what i am most anxious about, that if i seek help they will think that i am risk to my baby because that just isn't the case!
Although the idea of some help and someone to talk to and understand whats going on sounds like bliss !
Thank you so much
X

Hi - asking for help shows that you have good awareness, want the best for your pregnancy and is the total opposite of your concern, that they think you are a risk. It is those that hide from services they tend to be most concerned about! anything that can help you now can help make things easier post-birth also.

I had antenatal depression with my last pregnancy, and like you I suffered from depression since my teens. I'd had two hospitalisations for it, but that was years ago. I thought I had to stop taking antidepressants to be pregnant, and it was a huge mistake for me. I was absolutely miserable, even though I still wanted the baby.

Basically, I finally got some help and got back on antidepressants, but a different one to what I'd been on before. It really really helped. Try to get a referral to the mental health service straight away. Midwives won't necessarily know what to do (mine was a witch, suggested termination to me because I said I didn't like being pregnant!)

BTW, DS is 2.5 now and totally fine, and I'm pregnant with DC2 now. This time is so different. I still don't like being pregnant, but I'm not a miserable wreck like last time.

Its so scary making that first step and talking to a health prof about it !! i can barely talk to my DH about it, i suppose its the constant opinions you get from relatives and friends... everyone seems to know everything especially my mum and my mum in law its always the same "you just have the weepys" "pull r together your going to be a mom you cant fall down crying at the drop of a hat" seriously finding this lack of support from family the hardest they play it down big time as if i'm making it up!!
driving me up the wall
Thanks yank and kezia

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/10/prenatal-depression-pregnant-women-despair

Hi Charlotte, I think this feeling is more common than people admit to. Having a baby is such a huge, life-altering thing. In my opinion it would be weird if you didn't have some misgivings about it. It just means you are taking the whole thing very seriously as is right and proper.

Alternatively it could be a hormonal imbalance brought on by pregnancy which is making you feel depressed. Your doctor would be the person to know and I definitely think you ought to speak to him or her and explain how you're feeling. There's absolutely no shame in it, they will be able to advise you in the most appropriate way and I think it is very very unlikely that it will cause anyone to intervene in your parenting.

Hope you manage to get sorted and start feeling better about things very soon.

Have just mentioned seeing a GP or mental health MW to my DH and... woah... he just says i need to get a hobby and its because i'm jealous that he goes out!! AARGH!!! This is not what i need.
why is it people are so divided on depression, my DH just doesn't believe its real.
:(

ps i changed my nickname XX

Speak to your midwife and tell her honestly about your past Mental Health. Explain that you want the best for your baby and you are aware that a happy mother equals a happy baby. She will not judge you in anyway and will ask you see your GP who will more than likely prescribe you with anti depressants. You would be very surprised how many pregnant women are on anti depressants. It is nothing to be ashamed of and you will not be seen differently for it. In fact medical professionals will respect you more for it. Pregnancy should be a happy time and your life can/will be so much better if you seek help. Trust me, I have been there. Nothing is worst than living with anxiety and depression. Best of luck. xxx

sorry to hear you are suffering, depression is a cruel thing to have. I suffered post natal depression after my son was born, which was heartbreaking as i never suffereed it before and i was so excited to meet him, but the depression stole all that happiness away. I went on antidepressants a year later after i finished breastfeeding. I came off them as they just masked my depression rather than solving it, i've been through quite abit since and im pregnant again (happily and planned) and unfortuanetly am worried it may be slowly creeping back up on me. You should definitely get some help, whichever help is best for you.

I'm sorry you are having a bad time :( Don't feel in any way guilty or ashamed of it - this just happens and it is not your fault. There is no 'right' way to feel about having a baby. Talk to your midwife.

Thanks girls, so much
your support alone is helping me more than you could know!
I dont want to go onto anti depressants as i have been on them before and i agree they just mask the problem it feels like a never ending battle, pixie i hope it doesnt creep back up on you :( but i get what you mean, once you have had depression it lurks in the background!!
Im going to talk to my midwife tomoz and arrange to see her asap i dont want this getting out of control, at least if they know they can support me before i explode!

i just want to point out again, i am thrilled to be having the baby its my one bit of happiness talking to my bump buying things and looking forward to my 20 week scan next week, its just the bits in between...

Thanks Pudding, i think i'm going to have a word with my midwife too. You are doing the best thing, get yourself strong x

I felt mentally awful during the early stages of my pregnancy with DD1. It was unplanned, I'd just started a new job which I would now lose, I had a place in the London marathon I would have to give up, I had to stop running pretty much completely and that's my big mental release. Whenever I went to the doctors about anything wrong with me, like the eczema which flared up with pregnancy, I was told I wouldn't be treated for anything that wasn't immediately life-threatening because of the baby. WTF!! I totally felt like my life was being taken over by this parasitic alien in my belly and I was losing myself.

But over the pregnancy these feeling went away, I grew to love the little person growing inside me, and now she's a gorgeous 6yo who I love more than life itself.

It's a huge change, and suddenly your body isn't your own any more. Of course you need to grieve a little for the autonomy you've lost, alongside the thrill of the new life you're growing.

Parenthood is confusing and full of conflict - but it's also an amazing adventure. Good luck.

There is a good helpline called First Steps to Freedom that helps with mental health issues. The counsellors have all suffered in some way or another with their mental health.
Tel (helpline): 0845 120 2916
Tel (office): 0845 841 0619
Web: www.first-steps.org
I hope they can help you.
xxx