someone help me see sense...

[milk]

How is it possible to be happy in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy when the chance of miscarriage is so high?!? :(

TIA

Your chance of having the baby successfully is still much higher.
If you want a baby, you have to "be in it to win it", so rather than looking for happiness just now could you view it as a step in the direction of your happy outcome?

I don't get what you are saying. Do you mean you are pleased to be pregnant but you are worried about miscarriage?

Yes, many pregnancies do end in miscarriage. yes, the first trimester is an anxious wait for most of us.

But the majority of pregnancies end with a healthy baby at the end of the 9 months. Think of it in terms of rolling a dice. your chances of getting a 1 are much lower than your chances of NOT getting a 1. The same is true of miscarriage. Once you are past your missed period and have a positive test you have an 80% chance of having that baby.

If you are very anxious I recommend NO Dr Googling about miscarriage and perhaps an 8-9 week private reassurance scan if you can afford it.

Most people manage to be both anxious and happy at the same time. Anxious about possible miscarriage until they have had a scan, but happy because they know they will most likely be having a baby.

How far along are you? Every day you are still pregnant, your chances are getting better and better.

6 weeks, so still early.

Having a scan 15th February.

Once you are past your missed period and have a positive test you have an 80% chance of having that baby- that does make me feel a little better :)

Thank you

Well the fact that you have made it to six weeks is already excellent. A large number of early miscarriages are "chemical pregnancies" which fail at the 4-5 weeks mark or when your period would otherwise have shown up.

Good luck with your scan. Try to keep yourself distracted with nice things in the meantime. Remember every single person who has ever been alive was a 6 weeks embryo at some point. You were fine, so was I, so was every person alive now. So there's every chance your baby will be too.

Unless you have bleeding do try not to worry yourself silly.

It is really really hard. Actually scratch that, for me the first time it was very easy to be happy as I hadn't even thought about miscarriage or what could go wrong. I told just about everyone before I was 7 weeks including work!

Roll on a couple of years and after two back to back miscarriages my fourth pregnancy was a much much less happy experience. Even after the 12 week scan I fretted. For pretty much the whole pregnancy I swung between being utterly terrified and being in total denial that I was even pregnant. Most of the time it was the latter. I just put it to the back of my head, so much so that before I started to show a couple of times I had rather more to drink than I would normally have had (went to a couple of weddings before my first scan and unthinkingly accepted a second glass of champagne and had downed most of it when I remembered and thought "I suppose I ought to not drink any more")

I suppose as you go further along in a pregnancy it gets easier, and even in the first 12 weeks with every week you go along your chances of a successful outcome get greater. I think once a heartbeat has been seen at 8 weeks you have about a 99% of the pregnancy carrying on. That's why I requested an early scan at our EPU. Didn't do a huge amount for my anxiety but it did help a little bit.

Sorry you're feeling stressed. It is tough. Hang in there, 15th Feb is really close now!

It's all about coping. Don't read any threads on miscarriage or any internet articles or anything. I'm lucky enough to have had three healthy pregnancies - two healthy children, and I'm term with the third so should meet him/her any day now. IME an undercurrent of anxiety doesn't really go away for the whole of pregnancy and motherhood, but you do learn to cope with it - and I agree that the first 12 weeks is the worst because you feel rough and you might not want to tell anyone.

Thank you ladies :)

I am at home with DS (10mo). I do not want to go out as it is so cold and DS is busy with a puzzle. Any advice what I could do to take my mind off it?

milk having a 10 month old when you're pg will take your mind off it :o

Seriously though, second pregnancies are not like your first. You don't really get much time for indulging in pregnancy me time so I did find on my days when I was with ds I really didn't even think about being pg. On my work days it was a different matter... long hours of little to do but fret. But I am a fretter. I'm forever playing whatif scenarios in my head. Now the kids are both here the whatif scenarios haven't stopped. What if they were run over, what if ds fell out of the window, what if dd choked on her own vomit.

I really need some kind of diversion therapy... I read a lot. :)

I'm forever playing whatif scenarios in my head- so do I!!!

I'm glad (or not) that I'm not the only one. My what if scenarios get more and more ridiculous the later at night it gets... I read somewhere that the next mid air collision in this country (have there been any before) is likely to take place in the sky over our town as we're under the approaches of two major airports and 5 airfields... so of course for months I got horrible visions of a Lockerbie type disaster happening and how I would get the kids out.

Oh God, I hope my utter lunacy is distracting you! :o

I'm 6w too milk, and also anxious and trying not to get too attached to the idea. It's not rational really as the odds are in my favour, but I can't help fearing the worst. I'll (virtually) hold your hand if you like :) My scan's on the 9th of March.

MissPenteuth thank you for your offer to be scan buddies :)

I love Mumsnet! I honestly don't have anyone I can talk to about this stuff other than mumsnet :)