Gastric flu and an argument.... feeling a bit low

[luckysocks]

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me having a bit of a moan in your direction.

I posted the other day about how rough I've been feeling this week. This reached a peak (I hope ) last night when I was in such horrific pain I ended up on the phone to my emergency number and then the labour ward at 3am, trying desperately not to be sick. They were fairly certain based on what I told them that it was viral and after a horrible night I'm feeling a little better this afternoon, but still stuck on the sofa. Back to how I felt at the end of last week, basically. God I hope it goes away soon.

In addition to that, before it really kicked in last night, I had a big fall out with DH who thinks that I am 'obsessing' about the birth and who closes off when I try to talk to him about his part in the next birth or whether or not a doula would be a good idea, because it seems to bruise his ego in some way. I don't even know how to go about having a conversation with him now because I struggle to talk about it anyway and really feel that for once I shouldn't need to pander to said ego.

Really feeling a bit down and just wanted to get it off my chest, thanks for reading :(

Couldn't read and run....

Any illness on top of pregnancy is really hard work. I've just had the most basic common cold but it totally floored me for a few days! I almost had man-flu Joking aside, you already have a massive demand on your system to keep baby healthy and while baby happily saps all of your energy you are left with really low reserves to cope with being poorly. Make sure you are drinking plenty and eat little and often to regain strength.

As for your DH I'm not sure. Maybe a different approach like asking him how he felt when you suggested a doula, or what it is that makes him think you are being obsessive. Maybe he has fears which he can't voice? I don't know, men are very complicated!

Hope you feel better soon x

If he's unable to talk about the birth sensibly, then just tell him (without emotion) that you're hiring a doula and will not be including him in birth plans/the birth because you need to be able to talk freely and in detail about the birth with the person who will be supporting you.

Tell him you're not trying to be a cow about it, but you can see that talking about it is annoying/upsetting him, and you don't want to add more stress to his life. You want to be able to obsess about it with someone who will be ok with you doing so.

And then don't mention it (birth, or anything about the pregnancy beyond immediate practical things) to him again. If he brings it up, talk calmly about it and allow him to lead the conversation, but don't expend any more emotion/time trying to force him to talk about it. He's made his choice (i.e., that he's not going to offer you the support you feel you need), but you need something different to what he's prepared to offer, so you're going to find someone who can support you. End of.

I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for you replies.

oikopolis he is quite sensible and supportive really and your reply motivated me to try and have a more productive conversation with him about it. I think we might be back on something resembling a similar wave length so that's a big weight off my mind. I'm so bloody hormonal at the moment that things which would normally just be really, really annoying send me right over the edge. I could hardly even look at him last night.

soozywoozy thanks for making me smile :) And you're right... men are far more complicated than us!

oh lucky that sounds horrid (the illness not the dp) I can't imagine being sick whilst pregnant at any stage after 1st tri so think you must be feeling rotten. Obsess away I say, if he thinks that's what you are doing, then why does he think that's a problem? Perfectly okay to obsess away. Pleased you have had a chat about things, funny how things get out of perspective ... and really quickly. We have had all sorts of run ins and yesterday I was absolutely furious that OH hadn't said thank you for diner felt taken for granted but so much so that I wanted to tell him to bugger off forever in the moment, so I think you should not worry about it for a few days and get yourself better then you will have a better tank of fuel for dealing with ego's!

surfmama