The Baby Whisperer

[MrsRV]

Anyone else read or reading this? My hairdresser recommended it to me. Just started reading and so far I love it. I am bait of a control freak so for me it's kind of reassuring to have routine.

Has anyone had success in following the guidance in the book? I know lots of people will say "you can't go by a book" but for now, the thought of being able to is making me feel much more confident and happy about bringing a newborn baby home!!

The best way to approach these books is pick and choose within them what works for you, and for your baby rather than follow religiously which can be stressful. Someone once said to me"your baby hasn't read the book" - LOL! It's true! But there are often lots of very useful tips

If the book makes you more confident, that's great, but if your baby doesn't behave as expected, don't be afraid to toss it aside (the book that is) and listen to your baby (and your instincts). Mothering is this great mystery until it happens, but it all comes together when baby arrives, and in a week or so, you will be a pro.

I think this particular book just covers a basic routine... Which is perhaps quite normal behaviour for a baby anyway and I just didn't know? Feed, change nappy & play & chat, then put down for nap. Baby wakes, start again. Try and tank up baby with milk in evenings to encourage longer sleep. Am I being really niave and ridiculous in thinking that this will just work and that's just how it will be for us? Suddenly I feel clueless and overwhelmed all over again...

I think it depends on the mum and the baby. Baby whisperer did not work for me and I threw it out before four months! Be aware it is not particularly breastfeeding friendly - a lot of her breastfeeding 'advice' is total tosh (for example how long breastfeeds should last - there is no fixed answer to this. One of my friends babies did 10 minutes feeds every 3 hours from birth, my baby would feed for 30 minutes at a time far more frequently... it is pretty much impossible to breastfeed successfully on a routine until your baby is much older) I did try to follow the 'EASY' routine in the early days but my baby went to sleep best after feeding... so after a few weeks of beating myself up that I was 'accidental parenting' and feeding to sleep was 'wrong', I realised I should just follow my instincts and guess what, DD stopped feeding to sleep of her own accord, when she was ready.

So I would say, these baby books can offer useful advice, but you need to pick and choose and realise your baby is an individual. I felt BW in particular was particularly disdainful of those that didn't follow her advice which is why I'm not a big fan.

The only book I still have from the newborn days is 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' by Marc Weissbluth, it was excellent for helping me to understand how much sleep DD needed - I still refer to it now from time to time. However I know a lot of parents don't like this one as he does advocate crying it out after 4 months. However we didn't do this (he does suggest other methods) and his main philosophy is that a rested family is a happy family, however you achieve it.

It's all fair enough, but a lot of babies want to sleep after a feed (hormones in bm promote sleep), so if your baby wants to do that, then obviously you let him. During a growth spurt they will feed and feed and feed and feed. Newborns don't really play or chat, they just snooze and guzzle. It's also quite hard to persuade a bf baby to eat any more than they fancy at that time (and their tummies are tiny, so need regular feeding, sleeping through the night isn't meant to happen until they are much older). Just don't let your expectations overtake the reality of things. Like I say, when your baby arrives you will figure out very quickly what they need when they need it. Eventually, after a couple of months, they start to fall into their own routine and become a bit more predictable.

Oh and like Isla says, bf and routines generally don't mix well, trying to fit bf into a set routine can end up making things harder and make you think there is something wrong when there isn't. If a newborn bfs for an hour and a half, breaks for half an hour, then feeds for another hour and a half, that is normal, if you tried to restrict that to a time limit the baby wouldn't get enough. Equally some babies only take a short while to get their fill. A 4 hourly routine for bf, almost never works.

I think the advice given by islandisla and futurenannyogg is spot on. My first took very long feeds, well over 30 mins, and slept straight after. For the first few weeks she barely had eyes open, but wanted to feed every 3 hours at least. She was very slow. We managed last feed at 11pm then through to about 5.30am after about 3 months. By then she was very whingey in the early evening. I would feed her at about 8, give her to DH. I would get a few hours sleep and he would giggle her about watching tv while she cried and whinged. After the late feed she would then sleep. Seemed ok to us. Gradually she became less whingey in evening, and 'bed time' came earlier as she had hours of being awake in the day.

I should add that we BF exclusively for about 5 months before introducing bottle and then combination fed until about 8 months

I agree with FutureNannyOgg :)

It really is true when they say "mother knows best" :)

I read this book when I was pregnant and starting to panic I wouldn't have a clue what to do, it gave me the confidence I needed and it appealed to my controlfreakery.

Once DD arrived it was apparent that I was ok and we were muddling along with no major traumas and i could figure out what to do and I didn't need the book but when it was all getting a bit mad, I found it useful as a reference point sometimes for inspiration and sometimes just to realise we were getting on alright.

I think what I'm trying to say is I totally agree with futureNannyOgg and Joygirl78 and if, like me, you like things with manuals and following instructions, use the book to give you ideas and confidence but remember babies don't come with a one size fits all manual and haven't read the book so won't necessarily behave the way the book suggests, but you will figure your baby out, eventually!

Baby Whisperer's sleep techniques are pretty good (found PUPD and ssh-pat really useful for DS) but she is quite anti-breastfeeding and her advice will undermine successful breastfeeding for most people.

The problem with her routine is (as others have mentioned!) it tries to work against the baby's natural urge to fall asleep during a feed. I'd have never managed to get DS to either stay awake after a feed in the first few weeks, or indeed fall asleep on an empty stomach. Actually, feeding to sleep was a brilliant tool for us, certainly in the first 4 months, so you may not want to fight against that!

One of the posters above said you "pick and choose" what you want from the various books, and another that the "baby hasn't read the book" which is useful counsel. We didn't follow BW religiously, but I kept in mind the principle around EASY (particularly when the baby is asleep, do something that suits you, if you can), and used a few times a table describing the possible reasons for different sorts of cries that.

Oh also, something else I liked from BW I reflect upon and do now, is the "respect for your baby" stuff. It sounds daft but I do try not to sneak up on him (eg start talking as I walk into his room) and ask permission when I'm going to do something to or with him, eg "mind if I take off your trousers to have a look at your nappy?", as well as continuing a running commentary during tasks and activities. It sounds strange as I write it, but when he was first here, it was hard to remember to refer to him by name but of course you get used to it (first, we'd call him by the cat's name, now, the cat gets called by his!). He's only 8mo but I do feel this stuff is important to ensure he has respect for himself as he is older, that whole "I am somebody" thing, as whilst I'll be doing for him for a while yet, they'll come a point when he will have a choice about these things.

My 1st baby DS1 was a nightmare, never got into a routine EASY or otherwise!
2nd baby naturally fell into EASY routine she describes so I guess it depends on baby.

I am also a control freak but found with DS1 it stressed me out as he wouldn't conform !

I have used some of her tips for sleep though. Like others have said pick and choose the bits that help you.

BW saved my sanity when my DS was waking to bf every two hours throughout the night - gradually night weaned and did PUPD at 8 months with dramatically good results (and very little crying). Agree she's not good on bf advice, but she is absolutely spot on about the little 'cues' your baby gives you, and about sleep patterns. For e.g. I thought my DS was the only baby who always woke from naps after 45 mins, until I read the BW and she described the 45 min sleep cycle. I would think of it less as a 'routine' and more as getting into a good rhythm.

I think BW might do a specific sleep book - that might be more useful than the routine one.

I found it pretty useful with dd but as others say, only for certain things - she never met my dd so it's really not that surprising that some things simply didn't work. She gives great advice on reading the signals of your baby and I found the shh-ing really did work. However I hated the term 'accidental parenting' which was a complete guilt inducer and just meant any way which wasn't her way . I avoided the feeding to sleep (felt quite good about this at the time!) But by the time she started weaning, I found myself having to bf dd straight before bed as there wasn't another time. And guess what? It was fine. Finally stopped the before bed BF when dd was 24 months old and now she has a story instead and goes to sleep straight away. When I think of all the time I wasted getting her off to sleep without a feed, worrying that she's never drop off on her own if I did - lunacy!

Am pregnant with dc2 now and I doubt very much that I'll pick it up again. Especially having seen the Oprah Winfrey baby talk thing on youtube - I'm definitely going to be listening out for those signal :)

I liked her book, her sleep training by pick up put down worked wonders with DD but The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove I preferred overall. Never touched Gina Ford though, as it sent a few of my friends over the edge with tears and chucking the book.

I tended to follow my babies cues on nap time tbh, when they began to yawn, rub their noses or eyes I went off to settle them and began a proper routine at about 3 or 4 months.

I have to say I read The Baby Whisperer and The Contented Little Baby book (Gina Ford) and although there were really useful bits in both, I found them both a bit preachy from time to time. The book I used the most was actually the What to Expect book, because it was a bit more factual and unbiased and lots of the sections are in the form of question and answer and I just loved the moment when DH and I found the exact question we were asking - made us feel like we weren't on our own!