Fear of the jinx

[ardenbird]

I don't know what's wrong with me -- I'm 32+4, and I'm still very wary of doing anything which suggests I'm sure I'll have a real live baby girl in 6-10 weeks... I know we've got to get some things before baby comes, like a car seat and crib, and am also starting to panic a bit because we don't have those. But still, I keep thinking things like, "But if something goes wrong, that will be around to remind me about her..."

I've had a pretty smooth time, especially for the LO: I've got SPD, but that doesn't bother her! I am under treatment for a chronic condition which gives me a 25% miscarriage risk -- I couldn't find statistics on when such miscarriages occurred, but I assumed it was like normal and would be mostly 1st trimester, so have basically stopped worrying about that effect after we passed that milestone. I had a brief scare with leaking something that turned out not to be amniotic fluid, but that was some time ago and there is no indication of anything worrying now.

Yet I can't stop thinking that still things could still go wrong -- I don't know anyone personally, but a friend of a friend lost a baby in week 39, and I know there can be problems at birth. So I feel like it's somehow "wrong" to assume everything will be fine. It's almost as if I think that I if I do start believing everything is fine, then it will come back and bite me and it won't be.

I'm trying not to let it affect my actions -- we are going to get that car seat and crib, and we even just bought a present for her 16th birthday (a local craft had a super-sale, with items typically upwards of £200 going for £30-40, so DH suggested it would be a nice special present to get). I watched OBEM for the first time last night, and spend time reassuring myself about how both babies were fine, and I try to think about how all the babies our friends have successfully had and how it ought to be fine. But the fear is still there.

Is this totally weird?

Hi, I think it's normal to worry about jinxing things but deep down we all know that if something were to go wrong it's not because you did or didn't do xyz. I lost my first baby at 24 weeks, it was devastating and believe me, the fact we had bought the pram already couldnt have made things any worse. I am now nearly 34 weeks pregnant again and I have bought things, I am terrified sometimes but other times I just want to enjoy the pregnancy and look forward to my baby coming like everyone else does. The chances of something going wrong at your stage are very small, you are right to be aware that things can but don't let it overshadow what should be a very lovely 6-10 weeks for you x

Aww arden (((hugs)))

As ciwi said it is normal to worry, we all do. Yes things can go wrong, but honestly being aware of your baby is maybe the best way to help prevent that.

With DS I had bought the carrycot/puschair system, but didn't have it in the house. I did have everything else though.

With DD1 I bought the crib (there's 18yrs between DS & DD1, so I had to start anew), the pram, carseat.. everything. The pram & the crib were in the house.

With DD2 (born 3 months ago), I only needed to get a double buggy - due to space this was kept outside in the outhouse. The crib was in our room.

DD2 died two days before I was due to go into hospital, at 37 weeks.

I do not think that the stuff I had jinxed her, as it was already here... it's one of those shitty things.

I suppose it's like car crashes - there is a chance that you may have one, but you don't never go in a car just in case.

To be honest having her stuff here was bloody awful to start with, but then it was comforting - as I did have a baby - and no matter what - you are going to have one.

Just be aware of your baby's movements is the best advice.

But worrying about things going wrong doesn't 'protect' you from disaster, and making plans and assuming things will be fine (probably will be the case for you) won't make things go wrong.

Try to enjoy it, get excited & plan... and you will soon have a little bundle of joy xx

Thanks for all your kind words! So sorry to hear about DD2, karnathreefold, but encouraging that you can be so comforting even so!

I felt the same with ds2. My midwife couldn't understand why I still hadn't done the nursery untill about 2 weeks before my due date. I didn't buy anything until the last couple of weeks. I was scared to jinx things and also as if anything bad happened I didn't want it all around me. DS is now 16 months and I'm expecting dc2 (all being well) although I'm already worrying!

I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do, especially with all the hormones. Try not to worry though xxx

I am expecting dc5 so i have most of what i need but its still packed up.(i am 36 weeks being induced in 1-2 weeks probably!). I have in the last few days got dh to brung things like the moses basket down from the attic to give them time to air out but i cant bring myself to actually sort it out or set it up so its all still in a pile in the corner of the bedroom!. I have been like this with all of them and its worked out fine, as long as you pack some little babygros and nappies yourretty much set for the hospital and anything else dh can sort out quick before we arrive home. I simply cant imagine that the pregnancy leads to a baby even though i can feel her kicking away even as i type i get very nervous of things going wrng.

ardenbird, like karma, my baby did die. She was very premature and in hospital for a long time. Three days after she came home she died. That was last October and the Moses basket she slept in for four days is still in my room. Because I want to be reminded of her, she was still my baby even though she doesn't need the Moses basket now.

In your situation, of course it's far, far, far more likely that you will take your healthy baby home. Whether you buy stuff or not will not affect that. But no matter what, you will never want to forget you had a baby.

But neither should you panic if you don't have the stuff. Ds3 was born at 32 weeks and I had no crib or buggy as we had a six year gap between ds2 and ds3. The shops do stay open even if you are in hospital!