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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Am I being a 'nasty wife'?!

17 replies

miaboo · 02/02/2012 13:00

Hi All
I'm due in august with my 3rd dc, dc1 will be 5 and dc2 will be 21 months by then. My husband has just asked me if if can go to France or 4 days in June am I being unreasonable by sayingn no, I wont have any support for the 4 days and I know for a fact I will be struggling with back pain, He's made me feel pretty upset by saying no.
Thoughts please

OP posts:

Fishlegs · 02/02/2012 13:34

What's he going for? Can a family member not come and stay for a few days while he's gone?

I've just had dc3, and I do sympathise, it is hard looking after 2 and being heavily pg, especially when you have back pain, but I know it was hard for my dh too and it did him good to get away for a weekend around that time. He's now working away from home but that's another story!

Original poster

miaboo · 02/02/2012 13:40

It's for work and pleasure but he has got a choice in wether he goes or not, There isnt really anyone around that could help. I Just keeping thinking about all the hard work it's going to be and suppose I'm angry that he even thought to ask me in the first place!

OP posts:

Firawla · 02/02/2012 13:41

why does he want to go if its something like business or a wedding then he kind of has to go? if just for a fun trip with his friends or something then tell him to grow up and think of others for a change (unless he never gets chance to go anbd its a one off thing) bit hard to judge without knowing more specifics. but i think you would be ok for 4 days its not that long, its just that if he is going just for fun leaving you knowing you will be struggling then that is a bit annoying as it shows lack of consideration, so no you're not really being nasty you should both discuss it more and see

Kayano · 02/02/2012 13:43

I let DH go away for a few
Nights but not a month either side of the birth...

So a June trip for an August due date I would probably say yes. However if you do suffer bad back pain in pg I wouldnt if I could not get some other support

boohome · 02/02/2012 15:44

It kind of depends how important the trip is in my opinion, and how your health is closer to the time, especially if there's no one else around to help out.

DH had a few trips away for work training courses when I was expecting DS, including a couple within 2 months of the due date, but he needed to go on them to give himself the best chance of passing some really important exams which were just after my due date.

But we had family and friends who agreed to help out if needed when DH was away, so not the same as your situation.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 02/02/2012 15:51

I honestly wouldn't have a problem with this. It's 4 days and unless you have reason to believe you may go into premature labour I don't think I'd stop him going. Plenty of people manage wth no support at all. But there's no need for him to call you nasty.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 02/02/2012 16:00

I would not have a problem with this either. 4 days is not that long. Although if your DH is always going away that might be cause to complain. If it is a one-off/not common IMO that is fine.

And when he gets back he can look after the kids for a couple/few days while you have a break!

Impatientwino · 02/02/2012 16:56

I would let him go in June and then in return you go to a nice spa for a few days in July when you're feeling even more pregnant and fed up and enjoy a few days peace without your other 2 DC while he looks after them, maybe a nice mum to be massage and relaxation before the baby comes.

That way you are supporting each other and both getting a break that you deserve?

canihavesome · 02/02/2012 17:10

If its a work thing then I think he should go. He can make sure the laundry and housework is under control before he leaves and there is plenty of easy meals in the fridge and you can let the older dcs watch more tv than they would normally. You have plenty of time to get another parent o a childminder to do the school run with the oldest if you are struggling with your back and you can get a reciprocal arrangement with another parent to have your toddler.

vanimal · 02/02/2012 17:17

Could you arrange to go away at the same time? Or have a friend come and stay (if that's not too tiring).

DH is off on a jolly with his mates this weekend, he's been fab taking care of me (pg with number 3, bad morning sickness), and DDs, so I have no problem with it.

I am going to spend the weekend at my mums (2 hour drive away) to get some rest there instead.

luckysocks · 02/02/2012 20:13

Hmm June/August.... I completely understand how you feel and I guess it depends on the temperament of your kids and how much pain you anticipate you'll be in (would you be on your own with them for part of that time anyway?).

DH has just been away for a long weekend, I'm 24 weeks (so not quite the same). Family offered to help but just didn't need it in the end. I planned a really nice weekend for me and DS, some treat-y meet ups with friends and their kids, and DS is sticking nicely to his bedtime routine atm so I had a few really chilled evenings doing exactly what I wanted. Tbh I had a lovely time

The month before DC2 is due it will be different, but DH has other trips on over the next month or so and that's fine with me. But that's only because I know that it's manageable and that I have people I can call on if I get desperate.

I find it frustrating sometimes though that DH gets to continue his life as normal while mine has changed completely - I can't imagine when I might next get to go on a trip away by myself, with no ties and lots of beer and uninterrupted sleep. That's why I make sure I plan a really special weekend for us while he's gone, because actually there's nowhere I'd rather be than with my little man . Could that be part of why you don't want him to go or is it simply practical?

Original poster

miaboo · 03/02/2012 07:47

Well I agreed!
But pretty peed off because he never mentioned a thing about it last night but then text me from work this morning saying they needed to know today so feel pretty backed into a corner
Luckysocks Yeah your right I do resent the fact that he can still do all the things he wants and I'm left doing all the crappy jobs! He has gone the last 2 years and I do enjoy the time with them just can see it as being really hard this time round and kind off want him to understand that and maybe of gone about it a different way

OP posts:

Velvetcu · 03/02/2012 08:10

My dh went on a voluntary work trip to Japan when I was 38 weeks and had severe SPD! As everyone has said, it depends on why he's going but I do agree that the way he has gone about it is out of order and I'd have been inclined to say no just because of that!

OneHandFlapping · 03/02/2012 08:18

No you're not being a nasty wife - your H is being a nasty husband.

He is going away without any consideration for his domestic responsibilities - and he does have domestic responsibilities, they aren't all down to you.

TopazMortmain · 03/02/2012 09:48

My DH was travelling until I was 37 weeks. If it's for work I would not have an issue with it

pictish · 03/02/2012 09:50

I don't think you're being 'nasty' as such, but I do think you're being unreasonable.

NinkyNonker · 03/02/2012 20:11

For 4 days I think I'd 'let' ()him to be honest. It is a couple of months before you're due anyway.

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