Maybe pregnant with number four - what will it be like?

[Lovebumps]

Hello

I guess I am hoping to be told, we'll be ok and all will be fine.
I have three lovely children and I talked DH out of getting a vasectomy as I did not feel ready but he was insistent - NO MORE! I was happy with three. I still am. But there is a little part of me that does crave another.

Last month we had sex three times but he withdrew (his old trick). I noticed after it was around the middle of my cycle. This was not planned but nature made it happen as I wanted to have sex. So I must have been ovulating. Anyway I am now a few days late which I have been many times in the past. But last week I have been moody as hell, the worse PMT I've ever had. I feel very bloated and look pregnant and I feel like my period is about to start. I've also had lots of different pains too. So there is a chance I am pregnant and I have to say I would be very happy but my DH will be so upset. He will probably think I planned it and I honestly did not. I know he will be really down about it and stress for weeks but would get over it. The main concern would be money like in most situations. This is irresponsible of us I know.

What will it mean having four, I found three children easier than going from one to two, will three to four be just as easy? My older two are very good at helping and so its not like I'll have four little ones. But everything else, I know my family will be shocked and people will probably disapprove.

Did you have people around be negative when you had your fourth, was your birth easier, did your body cope ok, what were you like after?

bump

Hello :)

I am 16w with number 4. I felt very complete with my 3 DCs, husband also very happy with 3 and didn't feel we needed number 4. We didn't try very hard for this baby, and I have to say I was super, super shocked when I found out I was pregnant. I spent the first few weeks wondering what the hell I had done.

Like you, I found going from 1 to 2 children much harder than I did from 2 to 3, and I know several people with 4 children who are so well established into routine and family life, that another child didn't make that much difference.

I have to say that your husband, as upset as he may be if you are pregnant, has to take responsibility. Withdrawal isn't contraception, and if he really didn't want you to fall pregnant then he should have put a condom on. When I say that we didn't try hard to get pregnant, we didn't use contraception so it should hardly be a shock to find out I was pregnant!

The only way you can properly deal with this is to do a pregnancy test. If you aren't pregnant and feel really disappointed, then you need to talk to your husband about feeling like that. If you are pregnant, you will be fine. I had a few negative reactions from family but we are financially OK (well, as OK as we can be), we don't rely on anyone else to look after our children and how we chose to live our lives is up to us, not anyone else.

Let me know what happens, meanwhile have a lovely cuppa

Suzy x

Thanks Suzy!

I agree but I did talk him out of the snip and made him miss an appointment the gp had set up. He does always check if its an ok time of the month but we didnt last month.

Anyway, still not period. I can't bear spending £10+ on tests so won't to wait until I get some cheapies. But I really feel like my period is about to start so we'll see.

I know too deep down I do want a baby but I have to think for what reasons. I have a lot on with part time work, courses, children etc. Sometimes I crave a baby to make me stop for awhile. I love being pregnant and I am always a much nicer and happoer person when pregnant. I know a lot of people hate it but I just feel so complete.

That is not a reason to want a baby I know. I love being a mum and I remember feeling so happy and grounded when dd1 arrived. I found something I felt good at.

We too do not rely on anyone but we dont have lots of money and another baby would make things tight so we have to think about that. Maybe he should get the snip. I've tried various contraceptions and none I like!

I'm contradicting myself ;)

I want a baby
think i might be having a baby
partner does not want another baby
???

Good luck either way.
I am 34 was pregnant with #4... My current youngest starts school after the summer and before this we had an careless 'accident' & miscarriage. I had just adjusted to no more kids when I fell pregnant while on the pill. DH is still resisting a vasectomy! But he will have one before he gets lucky after the baby because this has definitely been my hardest pregnancy - with Braxton Hicks since about 15 wks and several days in hospital at 22 & 32 weeks. I am now off work on bed rest.
We've moved to a bigger house which means a quicker return to work than I'd like, but I know this baby will just slot in to family life & the people I have met with 4 kids highly recommend it :). I have not had any negative reactions from anybody - even the ones I was expecting at work. Not sure how it will be when I venture out with all 4 though...

I should add that DH really did not want another baby but there was no way he would contemplate aborting so after a bit of a struggle early on we all accepted that our family could expand (and I am now happy my family will be complete :))

This has been my hardest pregnancy too, glad I'm not the only one Piper

I just thought I would share this - my best friend has 2 children, her husband was adamant that they would have no more and he had the snip. She was undecided how she felt, a bit like most of us nothing could beat that first cuddle, vasectomy felt too final etc. She actually felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders once it was done. She couldn't agonise over the should we / shouldn't we and what ifs any more and doesn't regret their decision.

Us girls seem to have the hormonal override to procreate - clever mother nature made newborns so snuggly that we consider doing it time and time again! I always envied those women who were 'done' and knew that their child-bearing was over and done with... I have to say I am there now and I know I can never be pregnant again. But I will always be the broody one LOL.

Suzy x

Pipermum - I can understand that. When you know where things stand and your options then you just get on with it. It still hurts to think about it. But maybe I would feel differently after.