Feeling low/terrible/upset/angry & numb

[Dozeyland]

Hi all,

Was having a lovely morning with DD, but then all of a sudden it just changed then it turned into tears, tantrums, shouting and tears. She's asleep now (i think that was the cause) but I feel terrible for not being "strong enough" in the current situation we are in. (some of you ma have read)

I feel so upset/angry/depressed/and numb deep down inside because DP has been snatched away from us. When we are busy with playgroups/meeting friends etc we deal ok as we are busy. but had no plans today as such. was waiting to hear from SIL but then DD just got so upset/clingy/over tired. and I shouted at her as when i was with her she was fine, as soon as i leave the room she got upset. I know she's clingy some days since DP went. but 95% of the time shes fine (when we're busy)

I took her up for a nap (which i should have just done 30mins before hand instead of trying to multi-task and do stuff that i could've done when she was asleep. being 24weeks pregnant makes my hormones all up in the air as it is, and i just feel like a TERRIBLE mum for not "understanding" why she was upset and for shouting at her. she's only 15months. I just hate myef for being in such a low place, I'm just hurting so much deep down. i cant stop crying, and just find it hard to cope when we have the odd day like today (odd occasion when we're not doing anything)

Sorry for my moan on here, probably the wrong place but i just needed to write.

I love her so much and i hate e hought of her feeling like mummy is mad at her, im not. i'm just an emotional wreck at the moment. I hide it most days, but when i feel stressed - i just feel so down?

Hi, I didn't read any previous threads by you, so I don't know your history.

Just wanted to reply so you know you aren't alone. We all have days when we are like that - down, moody and quick to lose temper - you are not a bad mum.

It shows you are trying your best to be a good mum by having insight into your feelings and by trying to do things with your DD.

Trust me, she will not be emotionally damaged by you having a few days being moody.

Is there anyone in RL who you can talk to or who can help you with DD when you are stressed?

Sending you a as you and I are both pregnant and can't drink

I don't know your history either, but just want to add my sympathy. I am sure you are not a terrible mum, it sounds like you are just under an awful lot of stress in a very sad situation. Big hug and I hope things get better soon.

Dozy I can't remember how I came across it (maybe looking at antenatal threads, I am 26+2) but I read your story. It's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
Whilst we're all joking on another thread about how much our DH/DPs are annoying us, I'm sure you'd give anything to have your DP there.

Don't be hard on yourself, you are dealing with such a dreadful situation (Sorry, can't remember if you know for definite that he won't be out for the birth?)
I am finding pregnancy tiring, and find I am getting all antsy and irritable, and I have an almost 16 year old who is big& bad enough to look after herself! I really have no idea how I'd cope with a little one. Hormones, and the fact you don't have your DH for support with everyday things, are bound to affect you and get to you sometimes. At 15 months, your DD is not going to remember this though. She won't remember that you had a little less patience with her during this incredibly stressful time in your life. Who can blame you??!! It will be upsetting you far more than it will be her. You sound like you are doing an amazing job in the circumstances. I raise my to you, I really do.

Hope you've got family/friends in RL who you can call on when you need a hand with DD, or a shoulder to cry on.
In the mean time, there's MN. Glad you off-loaded here. Sometimes, just getting it down on paper, or typing it out, is a form of stress relief in itself.
Chin up and take care. x

Dozey, you're in such a difficult situation at the moment, and putting so much into being strong for your DP, your DD and your next DC. You thoroughly deserve the right to let off steam about how it's all making you feel. The fact that your DD is fine '95% of the time', despite everything that's going on that she can't understand, is an amazing testament to what a good job you're doing. I have no experience so can't offer any wisdom, but do vent and do be proud of all the things you are doing rather than focussing on the fraction of things you can't fix .

Thank you all, means a lot to have people to talk to other than family & close friends, sometimes it is best to just type or write to air it.

We got out the house for an hour and that was better. I think due to everything going on, I just take on so much to distract myself from the pain inside. DD & I have fun, but I think where bump is also getting bigger & i'm hormonal and aching back it's just leaving me a bit less patient when she has moody days. I just then beat myself up about it, and feel like i'm constantly telling her off, I'm usually a pretty laid back Mum, and only correct her if she's in the wrong, or doing something that i think will harm her. obviously she doesn't understand this yet, but we're learning. together.

Just got off the phone to DP, and I got a bit emotional when he asked about our day :( but he's so amazing, he said he will give me some of his strength & that we will get through this.

I don't have the experience of not having my bloke around (although he was changing jobs and suffering from depression), but I did have a very similar age gap between my 1st 2 DCs. DS was 19mo when I had DD, and my god did he get a rougher ride than he would have if I hadn't had her so close! During pregnancy, yes - just like you - I was struggling to cope with the tiredness and stress. And after dd was born - she was a tricky baby. I remember coming home from walking with them in the double pram through the wind and rain to get dd to sleep, and ds had a tantrum as soon as we walked through the front door - and I went bonkers and shouted at him. I felt so guilty.

Fast forward 4 1/2 years, and I have a lovely, balanced, happy ds - and a much happier marriage. I still feel guilty that ds has no memory of time with just me, but he does have a lovely sister and they're really close, which is a joy. They're soon to have another brother or sister too!

You sound like you have your head screwed on - and you clearly love your dd. I hope you get lots of support and I wish you, her, your dp and new baby all the best.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Dozey. The fact that you're reflecting on the situation and wishing you'd handled it differently says to me you're a great Mum. You're only human and it sounds like you have an awful lot to deal with right now.

Hugs. Be kind to yourself.