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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Just a mild rant, really

27 replies

Garliccheesechips · 30/01/2012 10:08

I'm having a hard time with this pg- back issues, pelvic pain, sickness etc. But I'm getting on with things (because I bloody have to) and not trying to be a martyr or anything like that- i.e. I'm not complaining (much).

DP keeps telling me about a woman in his office who is 'sailing through pregnancy' and comparing our experiences. He's even told her that I'm in bits some days and she's all 'oooh how terrible, I feel great and I love being pregnant etc etc'. OH GOOD FOR YOU DEAR.

Of course I'm over-reacting massively but the fact remains that I want to kick him repeatedly up the ass.

OK, rant over.

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horseynewmum · 30/01/2012 11:06

I know how you feel hun not with DP but having your pregnacny compared to others. I have been quite sick with this pregnancy and its my first so I can't compare but i've had 'oh I werent that Ill when I was pregnant', or 'I was doing ...........till my waters broke.' or 'I wasnt sick once.' Well bully them I would love to swap but everyone is different and we cant all be the same.

big hugz

vanillacremebrulee · 30/01/2012 11:52

I sympathise. I'm having such a hard time too and often feel like a wimp compared to other women. I have terrible pelvic pain too and that really makes the difference for me both physically and mentally. Your DH is being very insensitive though, if you don't mind me saying. I would tell him to fuck off straight if I were you.

MoaningMinnieWhingesAgain · 30/01/2012 11:56

But then his colleague is hardly going to announce to the office that she coughed and wet herself on the Tube yesterday, her piles keep bleeding and she was up in the night eating Hula Hoops, is she

Smile and nod, as ever. and wish her a long latent stage

Sluttybuttons · 30/01/2012 11:57

I remember my mum used to compare my pregnancy (twin) with my sisters (single). She would tell me how well she was doing etc and how i should be managing to do what she can do since "pregnancy isnt an illness".

The ironic thing is i felt much better with the twin pregnancy than i did with my single (less morning sickness).

Every pregnancy is different and you are allowed to moan and complain, its the rules :o

AThingInYourLife · 30/01/2012 12:00

Some women are just lucky wagons and love being pregnant and find it all easy and lovely.

Then there's the rest of us :o

phlossie · 30/01/2012 12:09

I hope she has a difficult baby!

I don't really mean that. It might be worth telling your DP that him telling you how perfect this other woman's pregnancy is gets to you. But it's also worth remembering that it's sometimes all about perception. I remember this woman always going on about what a good sleeper her baby was going through the night at some ridiculously young age. It turned out that she counted the baby waking at 11pm and 5am as 'going through the night', whereas I would have said 7pm to 6/7am was going through...

I'm gibbering, but my point is you will get comparisons, so don't take it to heart, and people aren't always as perfect as they make out.

WeeLors · 30/01/2012 13:27

Me and my DSis were pregnant at the same time. I was the size of a house with swollen everything, chronic heartburn, restless legs, SPD and insomnia, whereas my DS was all bump, still sleeping, not swollen, no heartburn, walking around loads up until labour.... I was prob in a worse state than her with two months to go than she was overdue so didn't relish us ever being in the same room cos of the inevitable comparisons.

On the other hand, when it came to labour I was 11 days early, was 9cm dilated by the time I got to hospital without to much trauma and had a really straightforward birth, whereas DS was 16 days late and had a very long, tiring and complicated labour - I'll take the crap pregnancy for the straightforward labour anyday!!!
I'm not smug at all, whatsoever

Not sure what my point is except I totally empathise and you never know, this woman may suffer from something pregnancy or (in the future) labour-related big throbbing piles that she doesn't let on about. Would definately tell your husband that he's not helping and that if he has to talk about her pregnancy could he not not drop in how enormous she's getting ocassionally, even if its not true

Mikocat · 30/01/2012 13:42

I would kick him up the arse for being completely insensitve and particularly for telling his smug colleague about it.

My Mum keeps asking me if I'm 'enjoying' being pregnant. She sailed through all four of hers and loved every minute of them (apparently). I keep having to tell her that, mostly due to the SPD, no I am not enjoying it. I am THRILLED to be having a baby, but as for the actual pregnancy - not so much!

NeedlesCuties · 30/01/2012 14:09

I feel your pain and I laughed at what MoaningMinnie said.

I am pregnant atm with DC2, having a hard pregnancy with lots of low mood and hyperemesis. I had the easiest pregnancy with DS - didn't put on much weight, was rarely sick, looked nice the whole way through etc etc.

I spend a lot of my time ranting a moaning and comparing my current state with how I was back when I was pregnant 1st time round.

Grr Grrr Grrr!

OP, I know this isn't in Am I Being Unreasonable, but YANBU!

Yorky · 30/01/2012 14:29

Your DH needs a good kicking - what part of him doesn't realise that he is taking his life in his hands talking to a hormonal woman like this?

My problem is similar but opposite - I keep comparing this pg (#4) to my others an feeling so let down by my body - SPD, heartburn, tiredness, the nausea has thankfully subsided now but was worse than I'd had before despite not actually being sick (which seemed to make it worse cos it was so pointless, the yucky feeling didn't lead to anything) and I keep thinking 'this isn't how I do pregnancy, I'm good at this' which doesn't help.

So live in hope - the colleague may sail through this pregnancy, but it may bite her in the ass next time

Peasandyoghurt · 30/01/2012 14:41

Oh how annoying, I'm currently in a pretty difficult time in my career to be pregnant and my boss does like to compare it to hers (which sounds delightful) and to remind me 'at the end of the day you're pregnant, not ill'. Well thanks for the clarification and all that but to my mind if I'm being sick six times a day, passing out, and generally holding on to a body that's felt worse for the last 7 weeks solidly than it's probably felt for more than a day in the rest of my life... doesn't that make me pregnant AND ill! How is illness caused by pregnancy somehow not illness at all? Bizarre.

OP, I say kick your DP, I'm finding it hard enough that mine sits looking quietly bored of my moaning (I'm struggling with the stoicism, I must admit!) - think he'd face a night sleeping out on the balcony if he dared to mention 'such and such a perfect woman not finding any trouble at all!' Infuriating!

vanillacremebrulee · 30/01/2012 15:33

My DH annoys as he is without doing anything wrong, bless him, I think you're being very nice not to kick his ass!
By the way, I feel cheated by my body too (39 + 1 today - SPD, severe heartburn, legs and feet swelling, painful BHs since 35 weeks). I so wasnt expecting 3rd pregnancy to be like this after having been lucky twice. I feel like crying at the thought of my mum leaving this weekend and having MIL over to help out instead..,she says she lost weight with both hers whoever I complain about putting on a lot of pounds AND she describes her two perfect VBs as being a "bit sore"

Original poster

Garliccheesechips · 30/01/2012 15:39

I'm laughing quite a lot at the responses on here.
Every pregnancy is different- I'm grateful every day that I don't have SPD like my poor friend did last year. And that my baby seems healthy and hopefully will stay that way!

I was the most annoyed at him telling the woman at his work. Probably because I imagine her being all serene and hypnobirthy like Miranda Kerr while I shuffle about, fart and projectile vomit occasionally. (The same woman used to go to pole dancing lessons and would tell all the men in the office what she learned- I've never met her but I don't like her :o judgy? me?)

I don't wish smug pole dancing colleague a rubbish labour but I do hope she shits herself. :o

DP means well, but is prone to being a bit insensitive.

Peasandyoghurt, your boss sounds like a treat. Mine keeps talking about stillbirths.

OP posts:

Mikocat · 30/01/2012 16:33

Garliccheesechips - now I hate your pole-dancing colleague too (went pole-dancing on a hen night once and HATED it), it sounds like she is just saying what she thinks will impress, secretly she has mega-piles.

Original poster

Garliccheesechips · 30/01/2012 16:35

I hope they all burst at once when she crowns :D

OP posts:

Weezie85 · 30/01/2012 17:16

Well I have had so many people say, 'I just sailed through mine', or the good old 'It's pregnancy not illness you know'
Well you say that but I am almost 24 weeks and still being sick everyday. Gah.

phlossie · 30/01/2012 17:38

I don't like her either, Garliccheesechips!

buonasera · 30/01/2012 18:25

I wanted to thump my colleague (a good friend, and usually not that annoying) when she tried the "pregnancy's not an illness" line on me. So what? Old age isn't an illness either. Or a hangover. Or a broken leg.

I don't get how anyone can actively enjoy pregnancy. I'm glad to be well past the morning sickness bit and am generally grateful still to be on my feet and have a bit of energy at 25 weeks with twins, although I don't expect it to last, and I walk about half the speed I used to... but really, even if it were entirely side-effect free, my two favourite pastimes before I got pregnant were a) cycling and b) drinking nice wine. Can't do them, therefore the quicker the weeks pass, the better.

FundusCrispyPancake · 30/01/2012 18:55

Your DP is being a bit insensitive!

Bear in mind that she may not be in as good shape as she seems, People keep telling me I look really healthy and if asked I do say the pregnancy is 'going great'.

No one at work wants to hear how I vomited 5 times a day until week 17 and have had awful heartburn/constipation/piles since week 25.

FutureNannyOgg · 30/01/2012 19:05

Can I pull up a pew?

There is a woman I work with who is about 6 weeks ahead of me. She is barely showing and seems absolutely fine. I am huge, feeling horribly sick, having dizzy spells and exhausted all the time (I do have a toddler too, so that doesn't help). I want to ask the boss for a bit of slack, but I just know we will be compared to each other and I will look lazy and crap.

Mikocat · 31/01/2012 13:00

If it makes you feel any better I have been envying a woman on the next floor of my work who is just a few days behing me PG-wise. She was super-skinny before and now just looks lovely with her neat little bump. I on the other hand am becoming more zeppelin-like every day, everything seems to be swelling. But the other day I was crying in the loos (nausea and tiredness) and a lady from another department came in and said "On no, not another crying pregnant lady", turns out that Mrs. Perfect Pregnancy had been in the day before crying because her back hurt so much. I'm not saying that I felt glad that she was upset, but I did feel reassured that you just don't know what's going on under the surface and most people do just put a brave face on it (except for me, because I love a good moan).

user59457812 · 31/01/2012 15:20

OP - she is probably full of crap. In private she probably has bleeding piles, heartburn, stretch marks, flatulence and mood swings galore! Like the pole dancing she probably likes to project a beguiling image to the men at work which is likely to be completely fictional and designed to make her look as attractive as possible. I don't like the sound of her at all!

It is annoying. My MIL was always telling me how she never had moment's sickness with her two pregnancies, felt amazing, pretty much sneezed them out, and then was in a triangle bikini with a washboard stomach in three months (I have seen the photographic evidence of this ). I was like a damp dishrag for the first sixteen weeks, need constant naps, and don't think I'll be getting anywhere near a bikini before undergoing a year of bootcamp and possibly a nip/tuck...

There's always one!

kiki22 · 01/02/2012 01:14

My sister was out clubbing the week before she gave birth and keeps telling me what a baby i am it's enough to make me want to slap her, she didn't even know what SPD was until i started getting it grrr

missingmymarbles · 01/02/2012 02:59

why do people say 'you're pregnant, not ill'? with an illness you get over it after a few days; pregnancy, you feel ill and it lasts for ages!

i have the advantage of looking like absolute shit , so people are cutting me slack at work, despite that the fact the other two pregnant ladies seem to be sailing through; the fact that i can be heard spending the first few hours of my shift in the loo, helps too on the sympathy front

Original poster

Garliccheesechips · 01/02/2012 22:47

Feeling immeasurably better now :o

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