How to respond to "oooh you're not very big are you"

[staylucky]

I'm almost 36 weeks and no I don't look huge but am measuring fine, getting lots of movements so know everything's ok.

But SERIOUSLY every single person I meet or speak to for the last few months has felt the need to point out that I either don't look pregnant or that i'm not very big. This is number 3, I was like a whale with my last two, have no idea why i'm not this time, just how it goes. Now I remember feeling a swell of pride at being told how enormous I was last time around, dunno why, you just do, like you're doing an excellent job of bringing on a healthy baby.

So now everytime someone says this I feel I have to explain myself or just feel downright guilty. I know it's daft, theres nothing I can do about it, people are just tactless/have no idea/not their fault how i'm taking this but it is daily if not two three times a day i'm getting comments and I feel like i'm going to explode.

Sooooo, how should I respond? Would you say this to a pregnant lady thinking it's a compliment??

( My gorgeous best friends make a big point of telling me how portly I look since last time we met to make up for things god love em x )

I think if you have a neat bump - people are jealous so try to make you feel bad, if you balloon again jealous or just plain nasty about weight. Being pg makes people believe you are public property, its horrendous so I do feel for you. I was never "huge" in the bump area but did put it on all over - particularly my face in 1st pg due to pre -e, it was horrific. At that point I would have like to have heard I was quite small .

With pg 2 I measured fine all the way through, then had a tiddler of baby - my mw said -"I am suprised you had such a small baby as you weren't small were you?" I might have had an involuntary kick at her after that comment!

I know I'm guilty of saying this, as tidy little bumps are so different to my own experience of gigantic swelling of every part of me. I do usually follow it up with "It probably feels big to you though!" as I know no matter how small the bump, it's still not small. Hope I haven't offended anyone who I said to, but no one has slapped me yet.

Corikey, it's just chitchat. A way to share in your excitement. I had "small" bumps in most my pregnancies. A huge bump in one of them. It's just natter. Nothing to feel guilt about. My biggest baby came out of one of the small bumps.

Small bumps are good, easier to manage with for a start.

Have a agree with Ragged. It fits into the same category as "Do you want a boy or a girl?", "Havent you had it yet?" and "Are you sure there's only one in there?" It's just small talk, aka the lost art of casual friendliness.

I had a small bump with DS as I'm long in the body so the baby had more space to stretch out (plus he was only 7lbs, so not huge).

When I told people I was due "next week" they all thought I was joking, plus I got a lot of "Where's the baby?" but they're just making chat. Smile along with it.

Just smile and be thankful! I ballooned a week before I was due for some reason much to my sister's amusement (I'm normally called the "thin" sister!). You still have time!

I get this crap too. Ranges from a polite 'aren't you neat' to an accusatory 'are you sure you're eating properly'.

I did measure small at 33 weeks and was sent for a growth scan. Baby's measurements were all average.

The sonographer said ' you have good stomach muscles'

I suggest you use this explanation too!

I'm so glad it's not just me who's irritated by this! Like you OP, I was big with my first two, and am quite neat with DC3 (34 weeks). Some woman remarked the other day that her daughter who's due in June is bigger than me, as if I had somehow failed!

I usually just suggest they borrow it for a day and see just how not-small it feels!

I think you are def over thinking this - yes it is a bit daft but people are just making conversation. Today I have been small and large for my dates according to two different people. Baby 5 and I couldn't give a rat's backside, people are just making conversation and I could not possibly be offended it is just their (often very ill informed) opinion. I have had some of the nicest conversations with people who have either commented on my bump or one of my babies, sometimes they say something daft but who cares, it is nice to be nice.

I was tiny with all 3 of mine, in fact when I brought them home my neighbours were really shocked! They're now all above average in growth! Also when preg with dd1 I was told at midwife check I should be prepared that my baby could well be so tiny it'd need to go to ITC, not the case. dd1 7lbs 12, dd2 8lbs 2, dd3 9 11 good luck!!

Thankyou for all your lovely messages x x x x

You are right, I need to chill out! Thankfully i've been blessed with a really easy pregnancy, feel very fit and well, and don't have too much longer to go so before long that'll be the end of comments (with a bit of luck)

It's probably more to do with the fact that i'm SAHM this time around so have been in contact with more people thus more silly comments!!

I wish they were all telling me how tiny my bottom is though

I had this too when pg with DS3. I ended up seeing the consultant about it.

I said I was really worried because everyone said I was so small.

He said "Even your Mother-in-Law?"

I had to laugh because although I loved MIL and she loved me, she had indeed been the only person to say "Ah BalloonSlayer, you are a size!"

and that she is gone now.

(Consultant said that first babies are big because - I quote - "First time mums have time to sit around eating Mars Bars but they can't do that with babies 2 and 3." Patronising yes! But DC1 was 9lb 9oz and DCs 2 and 3 both 6Lb 13oz!

I really don't think this is anything to get worked up over. Just be grateful you're nice and neat! :o

I have the same trouble, I think we are being over sensitive but it really does get you!! I expected to be nice and round and people say- oh but your so small, i am 28 weeks and most people think i am just a bit chubby.

SO you could bite your lip and ignore them OR you could pipe up with your own comment along the lines of

"yes my bump is small and perfect, the midwife says I have excellent stomach muscles which should really help me get back in shape quick, I guess bumps are like arses, some people have a nice small one and SOME people have really massive ones"

aaaaahahahahahahahaha ;-))

Ha ha balloon I wish I had time to sit about eating mars bars! About to leave for work now. They do have mars bars at work though...

Same here! Although only 28 weeks..everyone doesn't believe that I only have 12 weeks left...best one I heard was yesterday.."You look like you've swallowed a pea" but the most common.."You look better then me and I'm not pregnant" and "I wish I was as small as u and I'm not pregnant" and "you just look like uv had a big sunday dinner"....hhmm I get pretty speechless! But very smug and proud of my little bump. He's measuring dead on 28 weeks ssooo :D

I would be delighted, you will probably snap back into shape after the baby arrives you lucky thing. I have the opposite problem! I am 26 weeks and a number of people have, in a shocked manner, told me they thought I was much further along! I have a smaller frame and tend to pile it on when pregnant and while I can get away with it while pregnant i discovered to my horror on dd1 that the weight doesn't magically disappear once you give birth!

Balloon, my first baby was tiny, 4lb 12oz but the mummy was massive, I gained 3 1/2 stone sitting around eating chocolate eclairs!