Plans for two weeks after due date - what to do?

[ardenbird]

So, DH and I have tickets for a weekend event two weeks after my due date (purchased before conception!). We've a little while left to decide whether to cancel now, or keep the tickets and risk losing the cost if we can't go (not an astronomical amount, but enough I don't want to just throw it away).

Going would involve travel from Scotland to London we had been planning to fly, since it's actually at Heathrow, but I have no idea what's easiest with a baby and a pretty free-from attending talks/panels/other stuff that it's easy to slip in and out of. I might be scheduled to be on a panel myself, but could very easily bow out and still attend. MIL (and possibly FIL, too) will be able to come with us to help out, looking after baby.

When I first got pregnant, I though, oh, well that'll be no problem, as long as the baby is born not TOO late. MIL will be there, and we can wander as we wish. My only slight concern was me being on the panel -- what if baby gets hungry then? (Do I want to breastfeed in front of everybody or slip away?) This perception was supported by the knowledge that there was a 2-week old baby at the event last year (won "youngest attending member" prize :) ).

But now as the date gets closer, I'm starting to worry how hard would this be? This is our first, so I have no idea what taking care of a newborn is like. I am really keen to go we'll get to see friends we only see once a year and it's related to hobby I'm very slowly trying to turn into a profession. It seems like the free-form nature of the whole thing makes it pretty easy for a baby. If all I do is sit in the lobby and chat with people while baby sleeps/eats/is-doing-something-else-that's-not-crying, I'll probably have managed to enjoy myself and think it's worth it. We'll be staying in the same hotel as the event, so it should be easy to pop up to the room if baby needs private attention, and MIL will be there... But, I really don't know what I'm getting myself into!

Can anyone give me an idea of how feasible this might be? Or at what point post-due date with no baby yet we ought to scrap the plan?

Also, if we do end up going, any advice about travelling with a newborn? We could fly relatively short drive or train/bus to the airport, and then we'll be at our destination on the other end. But I don't know what flying with a baby is like. Other options are train 6 hrs to London with one transfer, then however one gets to Heathrow from Kings Cross (tube?) or driving. Driving actually seems the worst to me I imagine we'd have to stop ALOT to feed, and it would take forever, and then there is the driving-near-London issue. So train or plane seem best, but I have no idea which is easier with a baby.

Assuming your baby arrives on time, I think it is very doable considering you will be staying in the same hotel. A newborn baby is very portable in a sling.

Not sure whether you can fly with a baby that new - something to do with the pressure in their ears? You would have to check that out. If not I would go by train, and car last.

You would have to be realistic about how much you are likely to achieve as you could be sore and uncomfortable for a while, as well as knackered and slightly dazed. Don't put much pressure on yourself or your DH to attend anything specific.

Of course, the later your baby arrives, the less likely you are to even want to think about going, and if you have a CS then I think you won't manage it at all.

Two weeks after due date, you might still be pg. Friend was induced at 12 days o/d, baby then took another 4 to come! I don't think any airline will let anyone fly aat 40weeks+!

If you have a CSection you may well not be up to travelling/flying 2 weeks later, and you won't be insured to drive for 6 weeks. Even if you don't do the driving, you could well be very uncomfortable on a long journey (4 weeks after my recent CS we did an hour long motorway journey and the pressure of the acceleration on my scar was not nice).

Flying - check if the airline will require any ID for the baby. Also, if they will let a tiny baby on flight. Some have lower age limits of 2 weeks I think.

Even if bubba comes naturally and a few weeks early, you will be knackered!

Just some thoughts.... sorry to be so negative.

Actually its probably a great way of having a babymoon without anyone bar your PIL being around. If it came to it you could just spend the whole time in your hotel room with access to nice shower/bathroom, big comfy bed, room service and babysitters on tap if you just wanted to slip downstairs for a while or have a sleep.

DH could attend a bit and have the perfect excuse to escape during the boring stuff.

TBH it all depends on when and how baby arrives plus how you both are after. Impossible to know till day before event really unfortunately.

However I would caution against car in these circumstances as if baby/you can't settle sitting down at that point its a long long journey.

Sounds a little ambitious tbh. I have a 2 week old who was a week late. A week ago she was unsettled, I was sore, oozing, knackered and tearful. I can't think of anything I would have wanted to do less than go to Scotland for a conference, even if it was a hobby and I had a straightforward VB.

I think the only answer is to see how you feel after the birth. Your LO could arrive early but you could go overdue. With regard to flying I thought some airlines will not let babies under 2 weeks fly. I had a very easy birth but I had to travel by train and then tube when my LO was 10 days old, it was exhausting and I hated the cramped conditions with everyone breathing over her! If you were to drive you need to be mindful of the recommendations that babies should not be in carseats for over 2 hours so you would need to stop regularly.
If it were me I'd not make any decisions just yet, there's so many variables- when baby arrives, how the birth goes, how you feel after, getting feeding established, the bleeding, the tiredness plus you may find that all you want to do is stay home and enjoy lovely newborn cuddles! Good luck!

Honestly, I would cancel. If its 2 weeks after your due date, you don't know you would have had the baby much more than a couple of days before (for example I went to 40+11 with my first pregnancy). If your baby is on time you'd have a 2 week old, if your baby is late you might have a few days old. If the event was close by then I think it would be feasible, but the thought of travelling from Scotland to London 2 weeks or less after I'd had a baby - sounds horrendous!
When DD was 2 weeks old I was literally feeding around the clock, particularly in the evening hours she would be constantly nursing (or crying if she wasn't!). I was tired, wanted my own bed, my own space.
You also don't know how your body will feel. I had an emergency c-section and I simply could not have travelled that far 2 weeks after the birth.

I wouldn't fly with a baby who is only a few days/weeks old - it's not whether you can, it's the risk of germs and infection.

So I would get the train if you do go

well, personally i'd have been fine doing that trip 2 weeks after any of my 3.

but it's one of those things that's simply impossible to know in advance.

as others have pointed out, you might not even have had the baby then! or only had it a couple of days before, in which case it's probably not something you'd want to do.

Two weeks after your due date you could have a one day old or a 6 week old. You can't tell. Can you wait & see?

Given all that you've written, it sounds doable and could even be enjoyable.

I'd make sure there was no one expecting me to definitely be there, (e.g. the panel thing) so that if things change you won't feel guilty at not turning up.
Similarly only go make the travel and hotel arrangements if you can live with having spent the money even if you don't use them.

My personal feeling regarding the travel is I would prefer the car - yes its longer but you can take things at your pace and have the freedom to stop. Trains and planes can be fabulous if they are on time, but I work on the basis what will it be like if the plane is massively delayed, train replaced by coach, travelling across london during a rush, what if bf is difficult...

Make sure all ramifications are talked about with your DH and MIL, they sound incredibly supportive, you will know best if they are able to continue being supportive if something stressful happens or will they turn and blame you for dragging them along...

All that sensible negative stuff aside it could be fabulous, your baby may just be an easy going sleeper that gets cooed over by everyone, and you get well remembered as that dedicated lady who came across as so together and sorted only 2 weeks after childbirth!

I would cancel.

DD was born at 40+16.

Regardless of that, when she was 2 weeks old there was no way I'd personally have felt up to travelling long distances, we went in the car to visit the ILs 70 miles away at that point and I have warned DH I won't be doing it this time round.

Even with a fairly straightforward birth you just might not physically feel up to it - and even if you do feel physically OK you might surprise yourself with how you feel about leaving a newborn with ANYBODY even for a few minutes (even if they're outside the room) and that includes your DH. If you BF you could be looking at an hour a feed, every hour or two - which means you're feeding pretty much constantly.

Oh - and if you do go in the car, bear in mind that newborns shouldn't be in a car seat for more than 2 hours at a time (although of course, feeds could probably be more frequent than that!) so you're going to be stopping fairly frequently and need to build that into your travel time.

I would def not drive. Especially if you've had a section sitting for that long is unlikely to be a good idea.

If you think you want to go, I would check with the airline about flying with a newborn and see if there are any age requirements.

I think it could be do-able at that stage, but I wouldn't be on a panel. As others have said, newborns are actually pretty portable in a sling. I probably could have managed at about 3-4 weeks, but mine were both overdue and would have been less than a week old at that point.

Is there someone who could be on standby to take your place if you bow out at the last minute?

How pregnant are you at the moment?

With DS, he was born 11 days early but even two weeks after he was due I was not up to much. He was 4 weeks old at Christmas and we spent Christmas eve night at PILs. Hated it - was struggling with breastfeedinh, had had a PPH and still felt quite weak and had lingering SPD.

With DD she was born 4 days late. Would probably have been fine travelling when she was 2 weeks old.

When I was 3 weeks old I went to a wedding in London - we lived in Leeds. Think my gran drove although possibly my mum did (my dad can't drive). Was fine my mum says - she breastfed me when necessary and everyone liked seeing a little baby.

So three different experiences there.

with a train time of 5 hours from Edinburgh to London I would be thinking about the train. If you are further up the sleeper is a good option too :) Train would be easier for the amount of stuff you may have to take - depending on how minimal you plan on being of course!

I honestly think its a bit optimistic. Even if bub arrives on time you have know way of knowing what state you'll be in. I didnt (want to) leave the house for months after DS1 was born. I was in a state. DS1 was not the sort of baby you'd take to a public event. I couldnt put him down. He fed constantly. The idea of being somewhere other than home with everything you need for a newborn to hand was inconceivable.

DS2 was a different kettle of fish. I could have taken him easily.

But theres no way of knowing...

I'd cancel if you don't want to waste the money. If your baby arrives on time, it might be doable but there are soooo many first babies that don't arrive at 40 weeks. Remember that this is only the average lenght of pregnancy and 42 weeks is still very normal.

You could of course just keep the tickets and see what happens.

For me, I couldn't. For the first three weeks DD was attached to my breast, fed every 1.5/2hours for an hour at a time. BF was still being established and we weren't efficient enough to feed in a sling.

We did go away when she was 3 weeks old, doing a series of long car journeys. You can imagine how long it took as we had to stop every 2 hours to feed for an hour, followed by winding, settling, etc. She did sleep longer in the car, which slightly affected my supply as well. She was unsettled in strange places and with all the lights and stimulation.

I was also bleeding heavily and very, very dazed. I've said to DH that I am not going anywhere this time until DC2 is at least 6 weeks old.

There is also the posibility that the baby may not be well enough to travel, or may not have left hospital yet.

I don't think it is a terrible idea but physically if you have a c-section or have stitches it may be uncomfortable for long periods at a time. Also you could still be bleeding quite heavily. But so much depends on when and how the baby arrives.

I have to say that two weeks after DD1 I was a total mess. In every possible way. Also very ahem fat.

2 weeks after ds was born I was fine, absolutely completely and utterly fine. Not bleeding any more, bf was going swimmingly, I was back at lectures at university. A bit shattered and probably not as with it as I thought I was but fine. However, ds was born at 42 weeks .

2 weeks after dd was born (at just 3 days after my due date) I was a mess. 4 days after she was born I was admitted into hospital with an infection. The infection eventually took 5 rounds of various antibiotics to get rid of. I was still either bleeding or getting lots of horrible discharge due to the infection. Dd was very unsettled as the antibiotics upset her tummy and she got oral thrush. I was not in a fit state to go anywhere. Oh and I had terrible piles too. Going for a poo was like shitting glass. I had a little graze on my labia that still stung like hell when I went for a wee and some little tears around my anus from straining to poo (which of course didn't help the piles) so going for a wee was agony and I still needed to pour a jug of water over myself when I went or even better strip naked and wee with the shower pointing over my bits. Not ideal for a journey!

It can vary so much and you just don't know how it will go. I personally would cancel and get my money back. If you are happy to risk losing the money then by all means play it by ear and see what you feel like at the time, it could go either way.