Guilty feelings over sex of baby

[Ginga66]

Oh I hope someone can help me. I just found out I am having another boy. I am twenty one weeks and it has been a rocky road with pain and bleeds so far. I just want this baby to make it to forty weeks ok. So relieved scan showed healthy foetus but...this little part of me was hoping for a girl after all the stress as not sure will ever attempt it again. Feel so guilty. Love my two year old more than anything and will be wonderful for him to have a brother I know. And I am sure I will love this baby as much. Just had hoped for a girl. Guilty guilty guilty.

I just had a scan today too. I had a mild preference for a boy. It IS a boy but I'm stupidly sad now that it won't be a girl. I think it is kind of normal to be sad you're not getting what you're not.

Give yourself some time. Baby won't be here for some time yet (hopefully), so acknowledge your feelings, face up to them and then look forward. Try to think of your baby as a person, rather than as a gendered being for now. Think of all the cute unisex outfits you can buy and of how much he may resemble the son you already have.
Please don't feel guilty. You are obstructing the healing process by doing so. You owe it to yourself and your baby to give him the best welcome possible. I do hope you are feeling better soon. Boots baby clothes are gorgeous when you feel up to it. and hug.

Yes you are right. And I used to think myself a feminist but I am being gender stereotyped about boys. I think it has more to do with perhaps a fear of living in a male dominated household or something.

I was lucky as I have always imagined having 4 boys and have 2.
If it helps, having 2 boys, close in age, is brilliant. (23 months between mine) I won't say it's easy, but it's fab.
Also, we saved a fortune as re-used loads of clothes, toys etc.

I felt exactly the same when I found out on wed at 20week scan that we are expecting a 2nd ds. I won't be having anymore either. I quickly came round, two boys will be very cool, two happy independent boys who do lots together and spend lots of time with DH at weekends with shared hobbies. Lovely! When I think about it this is such a positive thing for ds and dh. I know things may not turn out so rosy but right now I'm very positive about the future.

Why do you feel guilty?

You should grieve for the fact that you may never have a girl. It is important to you and you shouldn't hide these feelings.

You can still love your children and have these feelings.

don't worry its normal :) i had these feelings when i found out dc2 was a boy, i was sad because although i wanted a healthy baby i was gutted she was a he! i can honestly say when he arrived all those feelings disappear because he was so beautiful and he's a proper mummys boy :) we did try for another and im currently 13w and recently found out its identical twins!!! this time as much as id love them to be pink i know they'll probably be blue and don't feel like i did last time, ill find out in a few weeks. don't beat yourself up and in time you'll get eexcited over blue clothes and names!!! good luck x

I understand. Although I was very excited that DS3 was a he, I was also secretly wishing he was a she! I'm having my 20 weeks scan tomorrow and my gut instinct is 'yes, another boy' although again, I secretly would love to have a DD after 3 DSs. I am telling myself how fortunate i'll be if this baby is well and healthy and to count my blessings.
This is most definitely my last and as someone said, we can grieve for the girl we might not have.
But yay to little boys -- they are so cuddly! :)
Please don't feel bad - My 3 boys were all 3 under 3 and as much as it was hard work they play so well now and are real friends. :)

Goingmadtrying - Congratulations :) Identical twins!!!

I'm with you all on this one.. I found out at my 20 weeks can I was having my 2nd Dd, I was convinced it was a boy to the point where I'd bought some little blue vests.. I was disappointed but have come around to the idea now of having 2 girls (although I'm off for a 4d this week to make doubly sure she didn't get it wrong) good luck everyone...

Isn't it funny how everyone wants different things? I always thought 'I want a girl' but to be honest I'm only just pregnant with our first and desperate to have a healthy baby full stop! I think as soon as (if) I get to the 12 week mark I'll probably start thinking more about the girl vs boy thing again.

I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about by the way - it seems perfectly normal to me to have those feelings. We all have a 'fantasy' about what our family is going to look like but I think life or fate will send us what we're meant to get :)

It's fine to feel this way. I'm pg with DC2 and DC1 is a boy. A girl would be lovely this time, just to have one of each. I know if it's a boy though, that'll be fab too. IMO it's ok to feel wistful for what's never going to be. If I do get a girl I'm sure I'll feel a bit wistful also for the boy that never was, and the two little brothers I can picture in my head. It's human nature!

It's fine to feel this way. I'm pg with DC2 and DC1 is a boy. A girl would be lovely this time, just to have one of each. I know if it's a boy though, that'll be fab too. IMO it's ok to feel wistful for what's never going to be. If I do get a girl I'm sure I'll feel a bit wistful also for the boy that never was, and the two little brothers I can picture in my head. It's human nature!

Sorry!

Thanks so much for all the extremelyhelpful replies, please let me know pregnant ladies what gender when u find out x

Please don't feel guilty! I adore DC1 (boy) and, yes, was hoping for DC2 to be a girl (which actually she was....)

Currently am preg with DC3 and all I can think about (advance apologies to poster above... ) is pleasenottwinspleasenottwinspleasenottwins as I don't think we could cope with it!

In other words: I think it's normal to have all sorts of feelings when preg and you'll go up and down, up and down - it's just the merrygoround that it is....

I know how you feel too. I have 2 boys and until I had the 20 week scan I wanted DS2 to be a girl. Once I found out he was a boy I felt a bit guilty. But 2 boys are amazing! I love them so much and watching them play together is great.

I'm now 20 weeks and been told that there is 80% this one is a girl. Again I really wanted a girl as it would just be different. But there's a part of me that would love another little boy.

I think lots of women have these feelings. So you aren't alone.

My ex swore he'd had tests done with his previous long term partner after 5 miscarriages and was told he could only have boys many lies later he is now my ex and surprise surprise i'm having a girl so it is taking me a while to get used to the idea of having another DD but as long as she's healthy i'll count my blessings in the end xx

Its such a natural feeling to have and doesnt reflect on you in any way as a mother. Everyone has different warm fuzzy feelings about the things that go with girls or boys. Having a 'last' baby will also stir up lots of these emotions too.