I am a crying, panicky mess. Help me? :(

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

I am 30w with DS2, DS is 16m. I'm a SAHM and DH works shifts.
I'm already suffering from anxiety and AND (as I did at roughly this point with DS), and trying to get on top of everything to calm myself down. :(

The boys bedroom is decorated, so that is finally one less thing to worry about. (My parents did it for us at xmas, phew)

But the house is a tip. It has to be sorted before DS2 is born, if we can't do it with one child, there is no way we will with two. All of the stuff crap from our bedrooms (we swapped) is in the third bedroom. There is so much, you can't get in. Most of it needs to be sold, it is in good condition and we can't afford to just throw stuff out if we can make money off it.
I feel so low so much of the time that I find it hard to keep on top of the normal stuff, never mind sort out the rest.

Money is very tight. Thank god we have enough coming in to pay the bills, but that is near enough it. And that is minimum payments btw on any debt. We already receive the benefit money we are entitled to (min CTC and CB only). Food can't really be cut back anymore either.
DH is stressed because he works so hard and we will not be able to go on holiday when we had planned, short of some sort of miracle. I know that sounds really spoilt when so many people cant even think about a holiday, but he works very long hours in a dirty job, and physically needs the rest for it to be worth it. Plus we don't drink or smoke, so our holidays are our one luxury.
We've cancelled everything we can and phones are both on min price plans.

I didnt want to be off work yet, which is stupid because I've been ill loads and probably wouldnt have been actually in work anyway. But I wasnt able to go back after mat leave with DS as they couldnt take me part time and childcare wasnt possible for full time.

I know quite a few people who have children around the same age as DS. They are all back in work. Most of my immediate family have moved away.

I'm sure I've missed loads, but have to bath DS. Will be back soon. Thank you for reading if you reached the end.

By the way, I havent seen a doctor as they were so unhelpful when I was pregnant with DS. I know you'll tell me I need to, but they basically just told me there is nothing they can do.

First off, go back and see another GP and ask to be referred for CBT. Maybe even consider some anti anxiety meds in the meantime. I suffered horrendously with AND in both my pregnancies, and after my second developed really terrible anxiety as well as PND and tbh I lost the first 18 months of ds's life because of it. I felt in a constant state of dread and it was hideous. Things can and will get better, you just need to ask for the appropriate help. I took a pretty hardcore antianxiety med while I was waiting for my CBT referral to come through, I was bfing at the time and it wasn;t a problem. There are things that can be taken when pg and bfing. If you don't get any joy from the GP, ask your midwife to be put in touch with the midwife in charge of mental health. Feelings like this are much more common than you think.
As to the practical household things. I'd say to knuckle down and just do it. I'm lucky that at 32 weeks pg I have a 3 yo who goes to preschool (when not ill ) 2.5 days a week and it gives me time to keep on top of things. It's much harder when you have one at home all day. Does he nap at all? SHort sharp bursts might work. One way to deal with the clutter might be to do it immediately. Say to yourself that you're doing a bootsale, and you're doing it this weekend. Have a quick browse now of something gorgeous and frivolous to buy ds2 and promise yourself you'll buy it with the proceeds. At a bootsale, you really can just unload the crap onto a table or a blanket, people will sift through it. If that's implausable, do what I'm (hopefully, if I can get my arse in gear) going to do tomorrow. I'm sorting through the dc's toys and putting away any to sell at the next NCT sale. I don't drive so no bootsale for me, but htis is a way to get rid of it all quickly, though I'll have to store it for a few months. I intend to sort through it all, label it all up then shove it away somewhere to forget about it for a few months. That way it's not in the way, but the sorting and hard work has already been done.

I know the feeling well!!

Money is tight here too hun, I have one child and my partner has 4 from a previous relationship!

Neither of us work ( I have athritus and epilipsey, I can't spell either lol) and my partner is my carer) and we only have the money for us and my daughter coming in, and having to pay out for 5 kids every weekeend (we get no help from his ex as she is, quite frankly, a bitch!) Is getting a little hard!!

I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant and panicking as to how the hell we are going to afford this baby!! It maybe a drawer jobby til we get something sorted lol!!

My advice would be to try and calm down, everything will get sorted!

Try and get 5 minutes of the room that's jam packed, hopefully you'll feel better with just that sorted!!

Plus, try and take 5 mins for a hug and kiss, trust me, nothing is better when everything is stressy just take that time and have a hug with your other half and I'm sure it'll make you feel better

Xx

hi i am in simulmar situation. husband is working and money is REALLY tight. you just have to kind of make that ok with yourself. aslong as you can cover your bills (only just) you need to focus on other things. I would drop the holiday, we have not even thought about one because it just adds pressure. this time is only for a set period of your life and wont be forever. I ended up selling lots of unwanted things on ebay and seeing that turn into cash and able to buy other things for the baby on line was a great feeling of achievement. Take pleasure in the smaller things in life like going out for a cup of tea and order a book through the library. After a while you will adjust. Take a breath and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. I understand husband needs a rest because of heavy work but that doesn't need to be on a holiday, plan some relaxing days in garden/park/picnics/camping. Once you stop putting all the pressure on yourself life will become easier. Think about suggesting it to hubby, intially he might feel hard done by, but after a while he might feel relieved that he doesnt have to come up with money. I know in this day and age everyone panicks if they dont have a mobile, but i dont have one and i feel a real sense of freedom. if you change your perspective on the problem you could see this as a great opportunity to simplify your life and spend loads of time with your children

Make a list.

Re do the list with the things that absolutely need doing before baby comes.

If you haven't got the energy to list your stuff on Ebay, how about writing an advert to go in the local shop to sell some of your things.

Don't beat yourself up about work, it sounds like you have both done your best to cut your bills/outgoings how about a mortgage break? Most banks allow that and its fairly easy to apply for.

Are you entitled to any incapacity benefits? Make sure you apply for the baby element of CTC when baby is born,just phone and advise them its about £80 odd I think.

The third bedroom has a door, keep it closed just deal with what you can.

Plan a holiday for next year, but allow yourself the idea that if the circumstances allow and you have the opportunity take a last minute break.

When you start to get panicky, sit,breath and focus on the fact that you are making progress no matter how small it seems.

Do what you can, take time to be a family don't lose sight of each other in the fog of all the stress and pressure you are both under,it won't always be this hard.

I wish you the very best x

Quick question are you on facebook?? Most areas have a sell/give away site on there and its easy enough to lsit!!

Might be a little easier than ebay for you!

Hi,

I have my days where I want to panic too, DD is 15months, and I am 23.5weeks pregnant. DP is currently serving in HMP. and due out the day before baby's EDD. So I am constantly doing to-do lists (repeatedly) and also just thinking - "How the hell can I "PLAN"? birth itself is so unpredictable (and DD's birth was fast) and also Just hoping he will make it home.

Just try your best to relax, and take each day as it comes x

Thanks guys :)

Luckily I don't need to buy, well, anything for DS2 not for a few weeks after he's born anyway, all of DSs clothes are still in perfect condition and I've already got loads of free nappies. And my aunty has donated my cousins bed to us so DS has a bed to move to when DS2 goes into the cot although if hes anything like his brother this will be yonks away

I've started making a list of what needs to be done before DS2 comes, and I've also put together a spreadsheet of our money. I am trying to be prepared and get everything sorted, it just doesnt seem to help me feel any better :(

morethe - the bedroom door is broken

My little pet snake died today :(

Beyond the limits, big hugs!!

Our own house is chaos at the moment also, my hubby built a wardrobe for the babies room after we got really cross we couldnt find anything decent in the shops. we then foolishly decided to build wardrobe number two for the spare room to house all our gear and coats. He is very particular so its taking ages. I dont feel content with so many things going on and furniture all over the place.

So, I decide to take some action in the rest of the house. I got him to take a day off from wardrobe building and we both spent our day off cleaning the house and clearing anything that didnt belong in the dining room, kitchen and living room. (he had invited people for dinner so it was breaking point!) then we managed to find time to clean and clear the bedroom and hoover all round.
th following day we went for a nice walk and made dinner together. I literally felt like a new person afterwards! I am not naturally a tidy person and nor is hubby so it was good for us to do!

we have both been trying really hard to keep stuff clean and tidy, we also have a large pile for ebay, we are waiting for a free listing day! so when i have a few spare mins i shall take photos and upload them ready.

I am also really nervous about the money thing, i am going to take a year off but will see how we manage, i think most people are the same!!

I hope you manage to get it all sorted!!! Good luck!!!

I dont think those super organised people exist you know!! perhaps we should relax!!! ;-)) xxxx

Hey BeyondtheLimits - sorry you are having such a hard time - sending a virtual hug your way.

If the mess is making you overwhelmed maybe you could try this site:

www.flylady.com/

I read about it on here first and it's great if you're messy AND perfectionist about cleaning. It's all about starting small using 'baby steps' as they call them: www.flylady.com/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/

I think if you can make yourself follow this you'll find it really helpful - it's all about breaking things down, just doing 15 mins a day and that is ENOUGH! Good luck xo