Young mums!?!?

[Babybeann]

Okay so I feel like I need to tell my story and to see if anyone is in the same boat as me.

I'm 20 and been with my lovely boyfriend for 3 1/2 years we have a house that we are renting been living together for 2 years and I'm 35 weeks pregnant, this baby was very much planned and I no a lot of people are going to think WHAT!!! But it just seemed like the right thing to so Dp is a full time plumber and I was working for a wedding planning company ( mat leave now) so we can afford having a baby. The problem is everyone else, both of our families are very supportive but I have lost almost all of my friend because of this pregnancy. I feel like when walking around our village or out shopping everyone is judging me thinking I'm going to be a bad mum and it's really getting to me. Since I was little all I've wanted to be is a mum and my dream is coming true. My midwife treats me like dirt I've made a complaint about her twice she said to me at my last appointment " I suppose your going to bottle feed your baby" as if a young mum is not capable of breast feeding I replied " actually I am going to breastfeed" and after her looking gobsmacked for a few moment she said very rudely " oh...well good for you" Grrrr!! I was not happy! We don't drink, we don't smoke and we don't stay up all night partying. It's like I have to justify myself to everyone. I will be a good mum and I will prove everyone wrong.

Has anyone else felt like this now or with past pregnancies it would be really nice to no I'm not the only one.

Oh and Congratulations Feb babies are the best...

xshevix wired how the same our situations are! Nice to hear you planned your baby at the same age as me. How far along are you?? I just keep thinking if people are looking at me now what are they going to be like when I'm pushing baby around in his pram?! I bet I get a few comments! Oh well it's there problem not ours I guess. :) x

popcornchicken I also have been working since I was very young and finding being off very strange, too much day time telly, would be quite happy never to watch jeremy Kyle agen lol :) today's task was to pack my hospital bag took me all day now I want to take it all out and do it agen for some reason.. X

Today I was in JL with DD and I asked a woman if the catalogue I'd picked up was the current one. She answered but also took it upon herself to spend several minutes telling me how to bring up my child and how I should deal with tantrums, naughty behaviour etc. All while DD sat nicely playing with her doll in the pushchair. I did wonder if she would have said this all to an older looking mum!

missimills I live in Nottingham lol where are you??....sods law says your a million miles away!

I couldnt do any of the classes that they do at the hospital as they said they had no room for me to go before my due date, was hoping to meet some yummy mummys to be there so that didn't happen. Wish I had looked in to doing the nct classes lots of people on here say they are worth it! My closest friend hasn't spoken to me for ages either and she live 2 streets away! The cheek lol. Well off to watch one born every min now. Xx

Babybeann - I know how you feel, I got pregnant with my first just before my 22nd birthday, had been with my husband a couple of years and married a few months. I was shocked at how badly people treated me in the street! People used to make rude comments regarding my age and assumed I was a teenage mum on benefits (I'm only 5ft tall and look young). I actually hated going out! I was fortunate in that I had an excellent midwife though so at least I didn't feel judged at appointments. I'm now 24 and 31 weeks with my second baby (and probably last) and not experienced any negativity from strangers (much easier to hide when you're pushing a pushchair) though I do hate the assumption from people I know that I'm going to "keep popping them out" just because I started young and have a small age gap.
Congratulations and best wishes for the future, you sound like you'll be wonderful parents :)

Babybeann, I'm also in Nottingham! Though not for much longer as moving in a few weeks

Congratulations Babybeann - I am twice your age and just had DC3 so opposite end of the scale to you, but don't worry too much. People have all sorts of criticisms about older mums too, we all just make the choices that fit our own lives.

It might be too late to sign up for NCT ante-natal, but have a look for an NCT 'Bumps & Babies' group near you. You can go before or after you give birth and they are really nice - I made good friends through them.

Im 39 weeks and 3 days :) really excited!! Most of my friends have been really supportive abd i generally dont care what other people think about me as long as baby is happy and healthy x

xshevix congratulations I hope everything goes well for you and baby :)

Change your midwife ASAP!!
I'm 35yo & 35 weeks + 4 with my third so am another one at the other end of the scale to you & people are just as judgey with me too, including midwives who seem to be positivley obsessed with my age!
My only advice would be ignore, ignore & ignore again. As a new mum whatever age you are you will be judged on something for the foreseeable future I'm afraid! Keep your head up high, you've done nothing to be ashamed of at all. Some of the nicest most well behaved children I know were born to young parents.
Congratulations x

Your midwife sounds awful. I am an older mum and I envy you younger ones. Someone asked me if I was enjoying my grandson so you are not the only ones who get comments. How nice to be a lovely trendy mum and grow up with your children and you wil have your life back ans stil be young enough to enjoy it. Btw I hated bf and did not do it. Good on you for working Babybean and popcorn, do you think you will go back? Good luck xshevix.

people need to piss OFF!!!

I was 19 when I had my son, I breastfed him, and I am now 22 and have just had my second baby, I am also exclusively breastfeeding her! DH is 23 and we are doing just fine thanks. Im hoping to train as a midwife and maybe specialise in young mums. I def think you can get treated like a stupid kid. Ur friends sound pathetic for not giving you any support, all I can say is that you will find some more and it was meant to be that u lost those 'friends' as they wouldnt have been any benefit to you or baby. Older mums can be lovely so dont be put off going to local mum and baby groups just cos ur young.

really hope it all goes well, much love to you and the bump

baby i lives miles and miles away from you!

Change your mw and just don't listen to people who say nasty things. Remember you and DP know best on what is right for your child...age isn't whats important here, it's about being a good parent.

Good luck

I was 17 when I had DD and I tried to breastfeed but sadly ran into problems. My midwife was surprised but really very helpful.

I'd try and change midwives. No one deserves to have a midwife who treats them like dirt.

This is interesting; How times change! when my sister had her first child 40 years ago she was at 27 the oldest 1st time mum on the ward and described as a Prima Gravida (suspect spelling) meaning elderly mother. It was once common for mums to be your age and younger, I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves It's a midwifes job to care fore you, not judge.

Things go in fashions and its only the wish/need to have careers that has pushed the age of first time mums up.