Feel like my life has been tipped upside down

[heliz]

Hiya, I?m new to mumsnet, have been looking through the talk boards for a few weeks but this is my first post and just needed a rant to be honest.

I discovered I was pregnant (unplanned) on the 20th December. Since then I just feel like my life has been tipped upside down.

I have been feeling very sick and being sick a few times a day, especially in the night which has been leading me to not being able to sleep very well at all, sometimes getting only 4 hours sleep a day. I am currently living at my mum?s house and I am in my final year of doing a university degree and have exams and assessments coming up. Because of the sickness and not sleeping I went to see my university programme leader to explain that I was having a very hard time concentrating with my studies. She advised me that I take a leave of absence until September and finish my degree next year as this would be best so that my grades do not drop (hoping to at least get a 2:1). So I have put in a request for a leave of absence and I am left feeling utterly lost, confused and upset.

I know that having the baby is what I want, and I can?t change that this has happened I just don?t seem to be coping with all the changes happening, especially since I thought I?d be graduating in June. It doesn?t help that my partner doesn?t seem to give me much emotional support at all. He has come to the scans and doctor appointments with me but is constantly talking about abortion and how I am apparently bullying him into having a child because I really don?t want to have an abortion and apparently his mother agrees that what I am doing is wrong.

My partner lives on his own, is currently unemployed and has been for about a year, he sits practically all day on his xbox console, doesn?t put much effort into finding a job. I try to encourage him but don?t seem to get anywhere. He is not happy that I will be finishing university a year later as I will have less money for an extra year. He is not happy that I am not going to be moving in with him if he does not have a job as I would not be able to support me, baby and him while still at university. He says that our relationship might as well be over if I don?t move in with him when the baby is born cause it will rip us apart apparently.

All of this is getting my very down and although I have a very supportive family I can?t help but think that everything is going to go wrong.

You have a lot going on here.

How are your parents are they supportive? Are you feeling happy at home?

Do you really want to take leave from Uni now? Not sure when you are due but presuming baby will be born in Summer? Is this before or after final exams? It's possible to do Uni whilst pregnant. In fact possibly easier than doing it with a young baby though that depends on your support network.

Am impressed you've had several scans since Dec 20th all going ok with the baby? Are you ok ( apart from sickness)?

As for your boyfriend, he will need to grow up if you are going to Do this together as a baby puts a strain on any relationship ( tiredness is not good). So you need to sit down together and have a plan, even if the plan ends up changing it will give you some direction for now.

God, you do have a lot on your plate don't you?

Your partner knows how babies are made as well as the rest of us, so the stuff about being bullied into this doesn't wash as far as I'm concerned. Sex is a calculated risk as no form of contraception is 100% reliable. (I'm often amazed by how laid back blokes are about this stuff, to be honest. When me and my other half first got together he really left this stuff to me, which I thought was mad, because clearly I was going to have the option of what to do if I did get pregnant by accident).

I think your plan to take a leave of absence and then return, while staying with your folks, is a very good one. Get that degree because once you have it there are so many more options open to you. Your family are supportive, so staying in the family home seems like a very good option - it's for free, your mum'll be on hand to help, and you know it's going to be safe and well heated and all that sort of stuff. Flats are expensive. You should see some of the hovels I lived in straight after I left home.

It sounds like your partner's not going to like some of the decisions you've made. I guess it is a huge change for him and unemployment is hard to cope with and get out of, especially with the economic climate as it is just now. So his attitude is understandable, and maybe once he's used to the idea it will change. But he's an adult, and you're having a child, and you need to put the child first both in terms of where you live and also making sure you get your degree. Think of it this way: if you did as he asked, and either had an abortion or moved in with him new baby and all, do you think you would be happy? And how would you feel about him then?

(Just my 2p worth...)

Pancakeflipper thank you for replying

My parents are very supportive especially my mum. I also have 3 brothers and a sister in-law who are very supportive also.

I'm quite happy at home at the moment although i do think I will need my own space once baby is here.

Originally i wanted to continue my course part time after being told that this may be possible by an advisor at uni. But after going to talk with my programme leader she said that it wouldnt be an option. I could continue on with uni, but as i am already struggling because of being so tired and feeling sick constantly i have been advised by several people that taking a leave of absence would be the best thing. I know it will also be difficult with a new baby to study but i do have a great support network for when the baby is born. I really just dont want my grades to slip as feel I have put alot into my studies after coming out of school with only 1 GCSE I have studied hard to finally get to university to do the degree I want to. So i do feel like this is the best choice.

I have had 2 early scans as I had some light bleeding and the doctor wanted to make sure everything was ok. The first scan no heartbeat was detected so i was re-scanned 10 days later and a baby and heartbeat was found and was told that everything seems fine.

The problem with my boyfriend is that he changes his mind about the pregnancy every other day. One moment it's the best thing thats ever happened to him and the next he doesnt want it to be happening. I know that he is scared but I am starting to lose my patience with him. I will definatly sit down with him and try to make a plan, perhaps this would make him feel a bit more at ease.

buonasera its good point to make about whether id be happy if i did as he asked. I dont beleive i would be happy, and think that it would put even more strain on our relationship. No matter how i try to explain myself he doesnt seem to understand though. Im just hoping that after a few months things will change and he will begin to understand.