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Original poster

Is it ok to be a stay at home mum?

25 replies

miaboo · 12/01/2012 11:43

Hi,
Hopefully if everything goes well I'm going to be a mummy again for the 3rd time in August! I have a newly turned 1 year old and a newly turned 5 year old already and only just returned to work from my second maternity leave!
I have already decided that I wont be returning to work this time, for one my nursery fees would be £100 per day, and think that it's my time to dedicate my life to my children, I've worked since I left school (i'm 30 soon) always full time and very hard in a very stressful job, Money would be alittle tight but going back to work it would be just as tight with added stress of fitting everything in! Is this acceptable to accept the benefits that I would be getting so I could stay at home, also my husband works over 50 hours a week to support us so we are not workshy scroungers!
Just think it's time for a few years to spend it with my children if i'm lucky enough to do, as many cant?
Thoughts please? x

OP posts:

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CharlieMumma · 12/01/2012 11:45

Sounds lovely! Deffo enjoy the time while ur three lovely dcs are little. Plenty of time to go back to work of u want/need to. And if u can afford to stay at home then go for it!!

sheeplikessleep · 12/01/2012 11:46

Of course it is . You don't have to justify it to anyone. Good luck and congratulations!

hermionestranger · 12/01/2012 11:49

I'm a stay at home mum now. We came to the same conclusion. If I had gone back to work we would have been worse off financially and with DH job it would have been a headache to sort my shifts around it. I did get a temporary job at Christmas but again we struggled with fitting my hours around his, he travels a lot and works on the other side of the country 3/4 times a week, so for now I am staying at home and doing the lions share of home stuff and it's on on the whole. Occasionally they dh and ds1 need reminding I'm not their slave but thats quite rare now we have some ground rules in place. I am studying towards a degree too and am doing that through an access course at the moment an hopefully full time uni from september. So come then we will be worse off again, but it's short term pain for long term gain hopefully! I also have a supportive DM too, he is having the boys tonight so I can go to college. You have to do whats right for your family.

Pancakeflipper · 12/01/2012 11:55

It's ok to be a SAHM, it's ok to a mummy who works full-time, it's ok to be a mummy who works part-time as long you love your kids to pieces , keep them warm, fed and keep them out of traffic ( as Michael J Fox once said).

Happenstance · 12/01/2012 12:02

It's fine to be a SAHM, i work a little just to get out of the house more than anything but class myself as stay at home and i wouldn't change it for the world.

minitoot · 12/01/2012 12:09

Ditto, you don't have to justify your choice to anyone and it sounds like it makes good financial sense anyway. Hope you have a great time :)

Haziedoll · 12/01/2012 12:13

"Is it acceptable to accept the benefits that we will get".

Its probably unlikely that you will be entitled to any.

SootySweepandSue · 12/01/2012 12:20

What benefits were you expecting? Of course it is acceptable to be a SAHM but this doesn't automatically mean you get extra money from somewhere.

kiki22 · 12/01/2012 12:39

Of course it's ok to accept the benefits your entitled to you've worked and paid taxes for years why shouldn't you get something back, tho as others have said you might not get much. I'll be getting a year what my single unemployed (ever) sister gets in 2 months.

Original poster

miaboo · 12/01/2012 12:43

Thanks for your replies :)
I've looked into it and as it stands at the min I would get around £180 per week including child benefit.

OP posts:

WeLoveHaribo · 12/01/2012 12:53

I've been a stay at home mum ever since had my first little boy (2.5) I'm now 36wk preg and will continue to b sahm. We get no extra help/benifits thou do im 100% happy with my choice. :)

jellybeans · 12/01/2012 13:04

I have been a working f/t and SAHM. I LOVE being a SAHM. YES it is OK! Those who judge have their own problems with their own choices IMO. I don't judge working parents and think it is great that they can chose that if that is what they enjoy. It is all about choice and what is right for each family.

I like being a SAHM as I know I can usually be there at school events, love picking them up from school, don't have to worry abotu childcare, illness etc. I feel closer to them for spending loads of time with them (I feel I missed out with DD1). I like being different, 'going against the grain' and doing what I feel is right despite the government wanting me to go back to work for their own economic reasons. Me being home also enables DH to work his odd houred job, gives me time to study and help the kids with homework etc full of energy and not stressed after work.

It's only fair to point out the downsides too. For me, loss of career prospects can be scary if you end up on your own (you just never know) but for me it is worth the risk at this point in time. My pension will probably be crap but again a risk I will take and I do want a career when kids are grown. Some people will judge you but you get used to that. Also found it hard the first year and adjustment but you get through that and enjoy it.

I would go for it. I think much work is overated and the way we work now isn't what was considered work through history-it's not neccesarily 'normal' although we often take for granted that it is. Looking after kids is 'work' too, after all it is what childminders are paid for. Enjoy!

jellybeans · 12/01/2012 13:06

'Is this acceptable to accept the benefits that I would be getting so I could stay at home, also my husband works over 50 hours a week to support us so we are not workshy scroungers!'

I say yes if it is tax credits and child benefit, although this gov may scrap them soon.

Honeydragon · 12/01/2012 13:10

No you mustn't do it!!!!! You will burn in in the fiery pits of Hell for your draining of society and your brain will fall out from lack of use.....quite possibly the whole of civilisation will collapse. BECAUSE OF YOU!

Seriously, it's your and dh's familly, if all concerned are happy with the decision and you think it's the best move forward than screw what anyone else thinks and enjoy your time with your children.

Haziedoll · 12/01/2012 13:39

Child benefit is paid to everyone (at the moment) not just SAHM's as you obviously know as you are not a new mum.

Tax credits, I'm probably talking out of my bottom here because I don't really know but I thought that you received more if both partners were in work. It was just a comment that a friend made about not wanting to resign because she would lose her tax credits. I may be wrong...

All I would say is don't base your budget based on any government allowances that you might receive because you never know when they are for the chop.

Thumbwitch · 12/01/2012 13:48

Not overkeen on the implication that accepting benefits if you're not working a 50h week suggests that one is a workshy scrounger; however, aside of that, it's entirely up to you what you do.
You do what works best for your family, financially and emotionally.

Original poster

miaboo · 12/01/2012 13:54

sorry what I meant by that thumbwitch, is that he works for a living, He doesent sit at home smoking,drinking etc claiming everything going and ignoring his children in the process. We have both worked and provided for our children but if we are out of pocket if I return to work it seems silly to see us both work ourselves into the groundn for nothing.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 12/01/2012 13:57

Oh I know what you meant, miaboo.

MiauMau · 12/01/2012 15:11

Of course that it's ok, as long as if you feel like it's the best choice for you and your family and you don't feel like you're losing something because you're not working. As long as you know that in the future you'll be able to look at your children and not regret not carrying with your career.
I admire stay at home mums, but to be honest I wouldn't be able to do it.

capecath · 12/01/2012 15:49

Hey there, I am a stay at home mom and am enjoying it so much now. I must say it did take some adjusting, but we figured that either I raise them or someone else does... So for us, we feel this is the right decision. I found it interesting how I almost felt like I was taking the "2nd rate" choice by not going back to work. Wrong perhaps, but I even felt like an unsuccessful quitter at times, by putting my career on hold! I will go back to something when the kids are at school age, but for now, I wouldn't want to miss out on these years for the world. Enjoy you kids - raising them is a privilege and big responsibility - and don't feel guilty at all.

funkygardener · 21/01/2012 15:29

I am a stay at home mum, i also home educate my girls 13 and 8 and have one due may. Staying home with your children is seen as a bad thing in our society which is unbelievable considering the problems children face these days due to disconnected families. We should all be very proud that we decide to put our children first, and we should not feel that we are below those who choose to work. My family have reduced our income considerably but the quality of life has out weighed any financial blips. My father recently when asked what i do said "She doesnt do anything" ha bloody ha!!!
x

georgethecat · 21/01/2012 23:56

weird how society shifts, 20/30 years ago somebody (if internet around) would have been mithering about whether it was ok to go back to work and leave children. Its good to have a choice but sometimes it doesnt feel like there is one, society seems to expect ladies to work and bring up children. I'd love to be a sahm but unfortunately will not be able to afford to do so. Its such a shame because most of our mothers were able to do this without question but now it seems an only an option for those who have the means to do so (even on a shoe string). I dont wish to be critical of OP or inflamatory to sahms just sadly reflecting on how society values motherhood and thinking aloud. We should be able to have the choice of caring for them until school, my mum didnt go back to work until I was 15, it was lovely.

staylucky · 22/01/2012 02:00

I've been a sahm for 3 years now and absolutely love it. If it fits into what you want for your family then go for it.

You will get the odd judgey character
Wherever you go or whatever you do!

We made the decision going from 1-2 dc's and about to have our 3rd, we manage on one modest income without additional help (which is a good job cause there isn't any!!) where I'm from there is a bit of a culture for single young mums on benefits so often find people assume I've done the same, we've just been VERY realistic
about what we want from life. At a choice between new clothes, sky subs, a car, holidays, nights out and being the only person caring for our gorgeous children I'll take looking after my own babies anyday.

Don't heap too much expectation on yourself to do everything a certain way either, think it takes time to get into a routine. Good luck, sure you'll love it x

startail · 22/01/2012 02:24

YES!

bigeyes · 22/01/2012 02:51

Agree with everything jellybean said, I could have written that post, my experience precisely, first year thing, pension, now studying, have second a dd on way.

Go for it x

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