Lonely

[ilianora]

ive never had a huge circle of friends. 95% of the time I prefer it that way. Me and my DP are such great friends I don't usually feel the need for someone else to talk to. But when we fall out over something, or sometimes when he is working long hours I just wish I had someone else in my life. Someone similar to me who I can chat to and vent to and just hang out with sometimes. The couple of friends already have, have completely different lifestyles to me and I see them rarely, and don't want to spend that time talking about miserable things!
I'm not the kind of person to just meet up with some woman off the Internet for a chat but meeting someone organically seems unrealistic especially since I left work.
Feeling a little isolated and vulnerable and any advice would be great

How far along are you? i met some great friends at my antenatal classes, we still meet up once a week now and our little ones are 10 months old.

I'm 32 weeks but my area is completely rubbish. There is no nct no antenatal classes except the nhs which only do 4 sessions and we aren't going to because we went last time and the content isn't relevant to home birth. My eldest is 7 so playgroups and things are out of the question now. I feel like there is nothing much I can do

The practical solution is to take LO to baby groups when s/he comes along. There will presumably be plenty that are happening when your eldest is at school? Try your local library, churches and SureStart centres to find out about them. Netmums also list them by area

The slightly mental solution (which I did) is to talk to random mums in the street. You'll probably find they also feel isolated and will appreciate someone sparking up a conversation. A girl I met while out walking a screaming baby is now a really good friend

hey I did the nhs antenatal classes with dd this was in feb 2010 and I made some great friends one in particular that I see in the week plus baby groups were fab!!
im the same I have friends but not a best friend but I like to do alot with my dh etc but I honestly i advise getting in on as many nhs antental stuff then if you have a childrens centre get in on lots of tb
here groups. xx

Are you in Northumberland at all?

I met my best mate in a pub. We'd both dashed in there to warm up on a freezing day with our two small boys and they started running around together and we got talking. I'd just get out and about a bit if I were you. Surely you have plenty of time on your hands at present if your oldest is 7?

i like all your friend stories, i am similar to ilinora i think in that it's just me and DP really, have a few lovely friends but don't see them that much and no one really that i would ever go shopping with as I don't do that kind of stuff! I agree sometimes I think it would be lovely to have a great circle of friends and maybe babies will bring us some new friendships ili however, i do worry that i may just be a loner at heart, or scarred of friendship or something as I am shit at keeping in touch with people and I don't really know why...

I've got a lot more friends now since having DS than I ever had prior to being a mum! I go to groups at surestart and similar groups (personally not keen on mums and tots, I prefer something more structured) and just naturally got chatting to other mums, who are almost all feeling just as isolated and lonely as I was... I've now not got enough days in a week for all the things I want to do between playdates, groups, and trips to soft play centres!

Oh, one more thing... I've got myself sorted now so that I have a different thing to do each day (Water Babies, Jo Jingles, local library music club, gym, bf support group, etc) I don't go every week, but just knowing there is something I could do each day, where I'll get the chance to talk to other adults, is really reassuring and has stopped me feeling so isolated (I hated the first few weeks of maternity leave, love it now!) Good luck

Thank you everybody I'm sure there will be things I can go to when baby arrives but as far as at the moment is concerned we no longer have sure start here, there is no nct or anything so I guess I will just have to wait. my area is fairly rubbish when it comes to this kind of things, our local page on here is dead and the same on other similar websites.

I went back to college part time after having my 7 yr old so he socialised at crèche and I had people to talk to in lectures, I was never concerned about any of this back then but maybe I should have made more effort

Do you mind telling us where you are? Then we can be nosy helpful & help you find groups?

Wrexham in n.Wales. I don't drive either

Shhhhhh... Netmums list of local baby groups

Wrexham NCT meet twice a month

Any good?

have a look at this weeks Grazia magazine (Kate hits 30!) . Has an article about a woman who has almost no friends- like you she is very close to her partner. Also shows how she has started to reach and try to make friends. I think as we get older its a skill we lose- its not easy making the next step, from meeting nice person in pub or at baby group and moving onto something more personal and gradually deeper. If you work out how to be brave and know how to make the effort in advance you won't lose out on any opportunities that comes your way and they will do.

I'm not sure it's a skill we ever had blackcats; I've always had a theory that we're so used to being 'given' friends (school, college, uni etc, always lots of people in the same boat as us) that when we're suddenly out in the big bad world it's hard to know how to build up relationships. You're not alone OP. Hopefully you'll find that if you open up a little to other mums then they'll be very pleased you made the first move!

Thanks everyone.
the nct group on that list I have already looked at and they actually meet in the next county which is an hour away by bus, but I will definitely have a look at that magazine so thanks for that

Have you looked on MN local? Maybe explain your circumstances and try and arrange a meet up?

There is absolutely no reason why if you are pregnant you cannot go along to a couple of parent/baby-toddler groups. A few days ago a lady came to ours she is new to the area and due in middle of Feb. Everyone was friendly and we found out we live two streets apart. I am due late April/early May so we plan to see each other between now and then. It doesn't mean we will be in each others pockets just a friendly face in a new place.