Hate my midwife! Or is it just me expecting too much?!

[Peasandyoghurt]

I saw my midwife for 'booking in' just before Christmas and she sat me down and demanded 'so what's your story?'

Me = confused look and say 'erm, I'm pregnant... '
She replies - 'I thought you'd miscarried!' Wtf?!

She then showed me my GPs notes on the screen as if to prove this to me - what it actually said is 'concerned about miscarriage' re pains I'd been having. I read/ explained this to her, to which she responds 'oh, ok then - because I wondered what you wanted with me if that was the case!' Nice!

Next, she kicks me out of the room back into reception to take my own blood pressure and height weight (bizarre in my opinion, especially as she has equip in her room!), then when I get back she gives me a load of blood sample bags and gets me to fill all my details and the surgery's details on each of them, telling me it's important I repeat it exactly on each bag to avoid confusion (again, blatently HER job, no?)

Then she tells me re my dates (on the basis of a private 6 week scan, think I'm a couple of weeks behind what gp and I first calculated) that in that case there's no point her completing the appointment then and tells me to go away and come back in 2/3 weeks time when more like to be 'worth' continuing. Thus my 'booking appointment', billed to be an hour, actually lasted ten (rude) minutes. But fine I think, I'll book next appointment and dp can come too, which will be helpful in answering all those family etc questions I'm told are asked... So today we return - 3 weeks later as ordered.

Opening line 'have you been here before?'
Me - 'yes, I saw you just before Christmas.'
MW - 'so why are you here now?'
Me - in as rude a tone as I can manage whilst still inhibited by politeness gene - 'Because. You. Told. Me. To. Come. Back. In. Two. Or. Three. Weeks... And. That. Is. Now'.
MW - Hmm, what for?

ARRGHH! Doesn't she have notes she can have a quick look at to at least remind herself we've met?!

Calmly as I can I explain to her pretty much verbatim her 'reasoning' for sending me away and asking me to return for 'real' booking appointment today, she looks at me blankly and - not before giving me a much more lengthy than necessary stripping down for not bringing in a urine sample as I 'always' should (she never told me that!) - says she doesn't want to see me til 16 weeks as it's pointless.

So dp and I both booked morning off work for nothing. And I'm clearly never going to have this lengthy first appointment I've heard so much about. I'm feeling really wobbly at the moment as terrified of miscarriage and absolutely dying for support/information. She hasn't given me any of either - not even checked basic 'are you taking folic acid'/ don't eat such and such... Absolutely nothing.

Apologies for such a lengthy moan. Just had to get it out! Am I expecting too much?!

I'm really sorry that you've had this terrible experience, for my booking in appointment the MW came to the house and sat in the lounge chatting for about 45 minutes whilst filling in all of the forms and asking how I was feeling etc... I had to go for my blood tests after my 12 week scan at the hospital which she arranged for me and I had a letter through the post confirming my appointment.

The ladies I've seen both at home and in the hospital have been lovely and overstretched or not it does not take any extra time or effort for manners!

I did have an odd one yesterday though, I was sent for my 16 week checkup with the MW at my local gp's which is about 30 mins drive away from work I got there and could here the MW chatting to people in her office saying its only a 16 week check in a minute she'll be in and out I have no idea why she's here - ummm because I was told to! When I went in and she asked me why I was there I told her because I was told to come and as it's my first baby I didn't realise it would be a waste of time... she started to be nice then... so rude though! She got someone else to check my blood pressure and I pee'd on a stick which showed that I had a littel protein in my wee, she asked if it hurt when I wee'd to which I said no. She said well these sticks aren;t very accurate?!?!?! I am very pleased I won't be seeing this woman again!

I think it is really rude of any medical proffessional to treat pregnant woman as if we are stupi - we are only following your instructions!!

Sorry rant over!!

I really hope OP that you manage to get through to someone and change the MW, no-one deserves to be treated like that!

XX

MillyV - bit weird that she said those sticks aren't accurate, I was told both by MW and a nurse at the surgery that they are superbly sensitive, i.e. in my case picked up the most minute trace of blood in my urine (which freaked me out but was prob the start of a urine infection which I then headed off with LOADS of water and cranberry juice!).

It might be worth a quick call to your GP for his/her opinion and to see if it's worth repeating the urine test. I'm not sure what protein means, but that doesn't seem an adequate explanation, even if it's nothing to worry about (which it probably isn't).

I think it's the same with everything, some
people are really lovely and helpful and others shouldn't be in jobs where they have to deal with the public. I would complain and ask for someone else.

I ended up complaining about my first MW as the appointment was a disaster.
Firstly she left me with a 10cm bruise whilst taking bloods and blaming my 'rubbish veins' um no.... Then when I asked about continuing to exercise whilst pregnant she did a flawless look-over-the-specs-full-o- condescension before saying 'no you'll just hurt yourself(!) She dismissed queries about cord blood banking as 'a complete faff' then admitted that when asked she will say that the service isn't available in Scotland. Then came the wonderful piece of advice that because I was tall and thin my labour wouldn't hurt because my baby would be little and should therefore have a home birth as it never pays to get 'those' Drs involved!!!

A bit of a character you might say until she marched me over the hall to a blood drive and demanded that I should give blood as I hadn't in a while!

Sorry for hijacking - feel so much better after that!

OP Change midwives and COMPLAIN, not just for yourself. I had an awful midwife during the birth (the local one was lovely) of my second child 19 years ago. I suspect that's what caused my PND with my third child, and the second birth still upsets me now. This is the damage that can be done. Please take action and get yourself the care you need and deserve, and hopefully it will stop other people getting that experience from her.

OP I completely agree you should ask the supervisor of midwives to look at this. She sounds deeply unprofessional. I can't believe she got you to do your own blood pressure - what next will she have you taking your own blood samples for tests at the 16 week point?

Midwives are not meant to be like this. If you have the misfortune to see her again point out to her that you thought the word midwife came from old English meaning "with woman" - i.e. there to support and help the woman. That's what my midwife told me last time at least and she was lovely.

I've not had a booking in appointment yet but am only 9 weeks so got a couple of weeks to sort it out. I'd be appalled if my MW did any of the things you describe and I'm not surprised you're upset.