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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DH not as 'interested' the second time around - is it common?

24 replies

Bouj · 15/01/2006 22:05

That's it really.. Dh hasn't attended one obstetrician appt this time around, but never missed one of ds's. To be fair, he was never a 'mushy' father to be, but any enthusiasm he had the first time is definitely lacking now. Gets to me a little bit, and wondered if it was just one of those things, a bit of a 'been there done that' way of thinking?

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Aloha · 15/01/2006 22:06

Um, I wasn't as interested the second time around!

ja9 · 15/01/2006 22:12

Close friends of mine are preg with 2nd. Both are excited, but there is a definite disinterest of the bloke (so says the girl). So, ime (altho ltd), i'd say this is common.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREG!

Original poster

Bouj · 15/01/2006 22:12

True, I am much more laid back, just get irritated that dh seems to be almost unaware!!

OP posts:

cod · 15/01/2006 22:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Bouj · 15/01/2006 22:15

Nah, sure baby will be fine. Just aggravates already cranky pregnant woman, which makes him brave - or stupid.

OP posts:

Prufrock · 15/01/2006 22:15

Snap Aloha. First time I knew exactly how many days pregnant I was, second I just answered with my due date whenever anybody asked how far gone as I just could not be arsed to keep track.

I think it's a bit of been there done that, but also he probably thinks that you dopn't need his support this time around as you are (presumably) mroe confident about the process. He's also probably realised now he has a child that time is very precious and not to be wasted in an OB's waiting room unless absolutely necessary.

I really don't think it means he is less excited about teh pregnancy, or that he wants this baby less - but if it upsets you, tell him.

cod · 15/01/2006 22:16

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 15/01/2006 22:19

DH doesn't "do" interest in pregnancy. He wants to know the baby's OK, that I'm OK, and that's it. He finds the idea that I'm growing a new person quite creepy and won't feel the baby kick.

Agree with Aloha that I'm less interested second time round - largely because I have a DS who is learning new stuff every day and I'm too busy to ponder whether this new one has eyelashes yet or not.

DH is the best dad when they're born though, so I have no qualms about that - it's just the "innards" bit that he minds. And frankly, the idea I'm growing a person is quite odd, so I don't blame him really!

MrsSpoon · 15/01/2006 22:21

DH was definately less interested the second time round, although I agree with Aloha, I was less interested too. First time round I could have told you "ooh, it's the size of a tangerine now", second time round, I spend half the time forgetting I was pregnant.

LIZS · 15/01/2006 22:22

I think the main reason dh came along to antenatal stuff 2nd time was because we were abroad and he was concerned I'd not fully understand what was being said in broken English or German ! Also it was one of my preconditions of moving (6 months pg then) that I would get such support. It was really nice for all of us but just don't think it would have been the same had we been in familair circumstances.

colditz · 15/01/2006 22:22

argh, this is my second pregnancy and nobody has made the effort to remember - oh, except that nobody invites me anywhere any more

I got given a bottle of wine for Christmas from my dad, I don't like wine much, I certainly don't like white, and I definately don't drink it when I am pregnant.

Dp keeps asking me to help him lift things into the attic. Er, no.

Colleagues keep asking me to lift residents - er, no!

Dp keeps saying "It's your turn!" when I ask him to empty the cat litter.

Dp never came to any appointments last time, he didn't even come to any scans this time, but to be fair we have a 2 year old and no child care.

I do sometimes feel like I am the only person who will give a damn when this baby is born

Aloha · 15/01/2006 22:23

Oh Colditz, WE will!

colditz · 15/01/2006 22:24

Thank you.

sweetkitty · 15/01/2006 22:25

Would say we were both not as interested although think thats to do with circumstances, firstly having a 9-18 mo DD running around, I mean she was 9-18 months during the pregnancy not that I have one at 9 and 18 months! We had her firsts like birthday, walking etc then we had the most stressful house move situation ever where we moved 470 miles, nearly got made bankrupt etc. It was only when we moved in here and everything was settled that we both began to think about the baby.

My DP is uninterested until I get a big visible bump then he can't stop touching it grrr!

ja9 · 15/01/2006 22:25

oh colditz ...

look on the bright side..

you're going to have a wee baby

ja9 · 15/01/2006 22:25

hunkermunker · 15/01/2006 22:29

Aw, Colditz, yes, like Aloha says, we will!

And DH never came to antenatal appointments that didn't include scans either - not the most fascinating thing to see my wee in a jar, perhaps?! I'd rather he didn't take time off work to come with me when I could be reading trashy mags in the hospital cafe though Might have to talk to him otherwise - aargh!

alexsmum · 15/01/2006 22:30

colditz, when i was preg with ds2 i remember crying because NOBODY seemed excited about it at all. dh was definitely not as giddy as first time and evryone else just seemed very blase.
have you read 'the best friends guide to pregnancy' by vicki iovine? she says you get precious vessel status only once, and that her husband was less interested in each pregnancy- she had 4 kids!
once baby is born, everyone bucks up though!

Aloha · 15/01/2006 22:32

dh never came to any non-scan antenatal appointments either. It didn't occur to me that he should. Even I found them breathtakingly boring.

colditz · 15/01/2006 22:34

Everyone will have to buck up when the baby is born, because I will shove him under their noses .

Ds hasn't quite taken it in, he isn't very interested in 'real' babies either, but when I told him that the baby in mummy's tummy was hungry, he tried to ram a pink wafer biscuit into my naval, so at least he knows about sharing

Original poster

Bouj · 15/01/2006 22:45

Glad it's not just me then. Think dh does genuinely forget that I am sometimes. HM, he also finds it weird that there is someone growing in me. The first kick he felt, he recoiled in horror and then tried to back pedal, saying 'I'm sorry, it just freaks me out'. Ah, you've all made me hate him less, so that can't be a bad thing!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 15/01/2006 23:04

Bouj, when I asked DH if he wanted to feel the baby kick he said "Ew, no! I don't want to feel your parasite!". Trust me, your DH is more interested in pregnancy than mine

hockeymum · 16/01/2006 08:38

DH not so interested this time round. I've been in and out of hospital and really poorly and have not had one treat or flowers or anything. I asked him why and he said "i'm so busy doing all the practical stuff like cleaning, looking after dd etc I havent got the mental space to look after you too". Earlier on in the pregnancy before he realised how ill I was, he said "will you stop complaining, I haven't got the energy to be sympathetic to you the whole time, I've got compassion fatigue". Nice.

Still he is practically very helpful, although I'd love it if he could be compassionate towards his wife for a change!

womba1 · 16/01/2006 08:56

I'm booked in for my c-section next Wednesday, and it's only really since we got the date for it that dh has started to get really excited. He's shown the odd hint of interest but finds the whole human being in tummy kind of strange, and a bit weird!!
When the first scan showed we were having a girl, he did go out straight away and buy a pink shawl, but that's been it really. However, i've been pretty much the same. The first time round, i knew exactly how big peanut was and my dates... this time, i'm just going with the flow and looking after our very energetic almost 3 year old ds!!
I just know that once this baby girl is in his arms, he's going to melt and he's going to be as wonderful with her as he is with our ds!
Don't worry... and just enjoy it all!

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