Gutted DH won't be at first scan

[AllIWant85]

Hi all,

Am 12 weeks pregnant and have first scan next week. DH booked the whole day off as his job involves him travelling alot so taking a couple hours off isn't really convenient. His work agreed this but he has come home tonight and told me work have cancelled his time off as they are too busy and they need him that day.

I am gutted,both for myself and him. I have had previous mc's, one was discovered at a scan so I'm quite nervous as it is. I also have a fear of hospitals so I really wanted him with me for support. It would be his first time at a scan too and I know he was looking forward to it.

Just feel like crying. :(

Sorry for the rant,just needed to vent.

Can anyone else go with you? You will have other scans to share together. It's a shame but if it's unavoidable, it's just tough I guess. Could you afford £45 or so for a private scan at another time? Or even a few days before?

How rotten of your DH's employer!!! Much sympathy to you. :-(

Has your DH tried telling them that he wanted the time to accompany you to a hospital appointment? If there's any flexibility at all that might help, and he needn't say any more about the reason. If he really can't make it, WMMC's suggestion of someone else with you and a private scan sounds sensible. Good luck to you.

Oh huge sympathy.

Do his work know why he took the day off? I know it might not make a difference but..depends on the humanity of 'the management' and the type of work I guess?
Would it be worth calling the hospital to see if they can change the appt - you never know they may have had a cancellation?

If not then def see if someone else can go with you, and/or consider private scan.

Yes his work knew it was to go to a scan, I guess that makes it even more hurtful really.

The hospital is a very busy one and scan appointments don't come up often. Even if they could move it there's no telling if his boss would let him take that day off.

I thought of a private scan but unfortuneately with it being just after Christmas money is a bit tight.

The only other people I'd feel calmed by are my parents but both are teachers so that's not an option really as they'll be working.

My DH has said to go to the booked appointment as it could be another week before I could get another and I'm at the stage that I really need to know if all is ok in there.

I know I just have to suck it up but that's easier said than done.

It's a real shame they're unsympathetic. Do they know you have a distressing scan history? I'm clutching at straws perhaps, but I suppose if they don't know, or have no imagination, they might assume it's just a routine appointment and a nice chance to see they baby, rather than something you've been very distressed by in the past and are understandably nervous about.

I'm sorry - no good advice but it's a horrible thing to happen :(

They don't know about my scan history but they are aware that I've had previous mc's and that I'm scared of hospitals. :(

Could they not give him say 1 or
2 hours off so he can come with you

Apparently not. He will be leaving at 4 in the morning for a 4 hour drive and won't be back until the evening. My appointment is at 10:30. I know nothing can be done and I'm trying not to let DH see how upset I am as it's really not his fault and he feels gutted as it is.

It might be worth talking to your parents, especially if either are secondary teachers, as your appointment might fall in PPA time and the cover coordinator could be sympathetic. My school have always been fab when I've had to attend appointments and were great when my husband was in hospital for 3 days being treated for an irregular heart rhythm and needed a cardioversion. And even though it's not strictly allowed, a sympathetic colleague might be willing to cover at short notice in exceptional circumstances. It's very unfair of your husband's employer to do this but it's still worth asking the question of your parents. Mine are both teachers too so I know it's difficult but being a teacher myself I know how supportive schools can be in a situation like this if you're lucky. Hope it all goes ok tomorrow anyway. If you're anything like I was, you'll be so mesmerised by the wiggly tiddler on the screen that you'll forget everything else. The worst bit is waiting whilst you need a wee!

Thank you, I will ask my parents but one is college tutor and one primary teacher. Suppose there's no harm in asking.

My main concerns are

1. Is everything ok with baby? I have these horrible thoughts and dreams where they tell me the worst.
2. Dealing with the hospital. Had a VERY bad experience once in a hospital when coming around from an operation and have had panic attacks ever since when entering hospitals. Even driving past makes me sweat and shake.

I will see my parents tomorrow and see if there's any chance of either of them getting a couple of hours off.

That's pretty rough, AllIwant. My husband was away for a few days (with my parents!) when I had to go for an emergency early scan (all was fine...). I was pretty nervous - but in the end I felt really proud of myself and my independence in dealing with it all alone. DH was then able to be at subsequent scans.

I know this is not the same situation - but just imagine how big a pat on the back you can give yourself if you deal with this!

All the best with the situation. We'll be rooting for you! :)

that's rubbish. If u can't change it & a private scan isn't an option Theres always the lie what times your scan? if it's morning your DP could be stuck in traffic car broke down train held at a signal for hours etc or the old old sick day his bosses might know that he's telling fins but hey they can't prove it

It's at half 10. The problem is they could make things difficult for him if he lied. Ok they probably couldn't prove it (unless they turned up at the hospital) but they would know and could be even worse to him.

It just sucks :(

Oh thats horrible, poor you :(. Definately speak to your parents though, I assume they know your history so i'm sure they'll want to be with you rather than you go through it alone.