Twelve week scan fear

[lucylookout]

I'm 11 weeks today and am terrified about my 12 week scan. I have one DS aged 4, conceived, carried and delivered easily. I got pregnant for the second time in oct '09 and at the 12 week scan was told that there were some abnormalities suspected that couldn't be confirmed until the 20 week scan. At the 20 week scan it was confirmed that the baby had a condition 'incompatible with life' and we decided to terminate. It was an awful time. I got pregnant again in May '10, only to miscarry at 8 weeks. I then took ages to get pregnant again, in fact we went down the assisted conception route, only for me to fall pregnant naturally in October '11 while waiting for my IVF cycle to start. I've been having weekly scans with the clinic I nearly had IVF at, and the bean is on track growth wise, but since the last of those scans, with the big 12 week scan next, I seem to have descended into a pit of despair and pessimism. I have convinced myself something will be wrong with this one, given both my track record and my age (I'm 40 now). Does anyone have any words of reassurance for me, or failing that just give me a virtual (gentle) slap round the head and tell me to pull myself together?

Lucy I'm afraid that I am not very wise, but I will say that although everything will almost certainly be fine, your feelings are entirely understandable considering your past experiences, and it is to be expected that pregnancy will be more difficult for you than other women, at least until the 20 week scan. I would just try to put it to the back of your mind as much as possible, as all this worry must be very stressful. All feelings are heightened during pregnancy in my experience anyway. When you feel anxious try to take deep breaths and stay positive (I know this is hard).

Come back and let us all know the good news won't you? :)

Hello Lucy, I think a slap would be quite unjustified considering what you have been through. I found out at my last 12 week scan that everthing had stopped developing at 5/6 weeks and I was in a state when I went for the 12 weeker this pg. All was well, and it looks as though all is fine with your baby too so far (due to the weekly scans.) I can't really reassure you - it pissed me off with people saying 'oh, I'm sure it will be fine' when I expressed concern about my second 12 week scan due to the experience I had the first time - but I do think that it looks like a case of so far so good from what you said in your op.
If all else fails, invest in some Rescue Remedy - it helped me!
Good luck xx

Remain positive. All will be well. You have been through a lot and now is the time for some happiness and normality. You will be ok. Stress will do you and bean no good so relax and enjoy the early months!

A quick good luck wish for your scan. Keep us posted!

Thanks for your kind replies, logically I know that statistically, the chances are it'll be ok but, I've been on the wrong side of statistics before. It's on Friday, so just a few more days of distraction, deep breathing, positive thinking and possibly rescue remedy to go!

Phyllis, I'm sorry to hear you had a bad 12 week scan experience, but am very pleased that all was fine this time round x

Oh dear, not long to wait now. It's an awful worry and I do sympathise, I felt exactly the same although had different problems. Just try and distract yourself as much as possible this week, you aren't going to feel better until the thing has actually been done. I'm sure statistically things are well in your favour, but having been the wrong side of the stats myself, I do understand your worries. Sending you the very best of positive vibes! I was going to suggest trying to get your scan moved forward if it's really stressing you out, but probably a bit unrealistic if it's only on Friday

Lucy- I am so sorry for your losses and can understand a little of how you feel . Have had 3 early mc , all discovered at scans and also terminated a pregnancy at 21 weeks as my son also had abnormalities that he couldn't have lived with.
did they do any further tests or explain what the likelihood of recurrence was? If so that might give you some reassurance in the "logical" (not the emotional
Part of your brain that feels so scared). Also if they have scanned each week and all seems ok, the chances of a healthy pregnancy are good ESP if heartbeat seen at 9 weeks or later (92% or something chance of live birth I think).

Re abnormalities , even at your age (not dissimilar to mine) there is still a good chance baby is fine. Please try to hold onto that.

Can you move the Scan earlier than Friday? If So I would as seems pointless to fret for longer than you have to. If you can't I always got by by keeping busy and trying to have a few little things (eg like buying a junk mag to read, getting myself a latte and chocolate biscuit) to act as little boosters/time outs to help me through the day.

Oh and If it helps I am now 36 weeks pregnant having taken 2 years to conceive (with 1 mc) and was also about to start ivf. But I do know how scary it is and how you feel that you are almost certain to be wrong side of tests (even now I feel like that as wont be ok til have baby).

Just wanted to send you hugs & wish you all the luck in the world. My dd2 was born with severe disabilities but beat all doctors predictions & lived for 23 months... so this time every app for me has been an emotional experience esp the 12 week scan at which I burst into tears at just seeing the heartbeat & could'nt stop crying all through it!!.. Luckily all app's have gone well & he seems to be a healthy boy now only 6 weeks to go!! You are entitled to be petrified & emotional & I do so hope you receive good news on the day. x

Hi Lucy and so sorry to hear about your losses. Your feelings are totally understandable and having lost my little boy at 24 weeks and then a miscarriage I can totally relate. I am now 29 weeks pregnant with another baby boy and am just now starting to settle into the pregnancy. I found that all the scans were scary until I could feel him move regularly and even then I was still a bit worried that something would be wrong. I feel like I have managed to get this far by just taking it a day at a time and thinking as far as I know, for today everything is ok. I also found that with every passing scan I would feel a little better. I wish you lots of luck with your 12 week scan, chances are that everything will be fine but i am sure that won't stop you worrying.

Also to say, at my 12 week scans the sonographers can be very quiet and that can be unsettling if you are worried. To make it as easy as possible I would mention when you go In that you have had a bad experience in the past and ask her how she is going to do it. Ie she may say she will not say anything all the time she is scanning you, but not to be worried about it, or one sonographer kept me informed while she went along. Good luck and let us know how you get on

Agree with mince to mention your concerns and establish that with sonographer.
I went to another clinic where sonographers had better communication style for me after I was given panic attacks (needlessly as it turned out) by sonographer on my 12 week scan this time .

Thanks for all your replies. It is very reassuring to hear of others who've had bad experiences and then gone on to have healthy pregnancies. I can't move the scan forward unfortunately. My NHS one isn't for about 10 days, so I booked in this extra private one. They say they do it from 11 weeks, but when I made the appt she wanted to make it as late as possible this week for accuracy (for them to get the nuchal measurement etc). I'll be 11 + 5. It's a good idea though to mention my concerns to the sonographer so that s/he can bear it it mind when scanning me. I will definitely come back and let you know how I get on though x

Oh and gigondas, the late loss we had was due to a non genetic lethal condition. It only happens to 1 in 40,000 pregnancies, and there's absolutely no reason why it should happen to us again. I'm more worried about the baby having some other awful condition I've never heard of...
But, positive thinking and lots of distraction will get me through!
And big congratulations on your pregnancy x

Lucy I know that kind of fear as there was no explanation for our Loss either . I will have my fingers crossed for you

Hi ladies, I had my scan today and thank goodness all was fine. My adjusted risk of chromosomal abnormalities is 1:1300. The bean was mainly asleep but did wriggle a little when prodded. They did suggest I go back at 17 weeks for an extra anomaly scan, given my history, but for today the news is good. Thanks again for your support, your stories made the waiting easier and less anxious x

That's great news Lucy 17 week scan sounds great Idea - I had one then and at 20 weeks and liked the additional
Reassurance