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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling vs not telling people in early pregnancy?

18 replies

ViolaCrayola · 28/12/2011 21:57

What did people do? Did you all wait the regulation 12 weeks to tell people the news? I am only about four/five weeks (with DC2) and I have already told (in addition to DH!) my Mum, MIL, and SIL. Am very tempted to tell others but also worried if something goes wrong. But then I think - won't it be good to have friends and family to support us if it does go wrong?
I won't tell work until past 12 weeks, but am wondering about (close) friends and family... Last time I told lots of friends and family early on, but then thought I'd maybe gone a bit far.

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Chubfuddler · 28/12/2011 22:00

It is an entirely personal thing. If the worst should happen I don't think people not having known would help - in fact I had to tell work I had had a mc and they didn't know I was pregnant, which was hard. With ds it was common knowledge from ten weeks, with dd it was 12. But I think there is no right answer.

thisisyesterday · 28/12/2011 22:02

i told people earlier. like, as soon as I did the test lol
not everyone, but some people

like you say, if something went wrong you'd want their support wouldn't you?

Meglet · 28/12/2011 22:05

I told mum / dad + sister straight away, both times. And I let my gym instructors know.

Work at about 8 weeks as I was feeling so sick and off work. Seemed pointless to cover it up. Anyway, my tum was podging out so they'd have figured it out well before 12 weeks.

Told friends + relations after 12 week scan.

Oeisha · 28/12/2011 22:07

Personally, I didn't tell anyone except DH and work (I knew there were things I wasn't allowed to do when pg at work) until I was 11+4 and there was a chance DH would be in court (witness) on my scan date. Def. wouldn't have told family until after 12wk scan otherwise, as I'd been having early bleeds.
Personal choice though. I couldn't have standed the grief of another MC and people FUSSING (even though the intention would have been good, I'd have found it suffocating), had all not been ok. At 37wks I still don't like the damn fussing...
Congrats and good luck!

HardCheese · 29/12/2011 13:05

I didn't tell anyone apart from my partner and midwife until 17 weeks. As an older first-time mother, I was aware I had a heightened miscarriage risk and also had some complications, and like Oeisha, I felt I would cope better if I did miscarry without people fussing round, however well-intentioned. After a while, I was rather enjoying the pregnancy being a secret, and was reluctant to tell anyone.

buonasera · 29/12/2011 13:32

I had three MCs before my problem was identified and (with luck - I'm 20w) fixed. First time I told nobody but then afterwards I ended up telling some close friends - like you say, I realised I wanted some support (even just to have some people I didn't have to act normal in front of).
In my second and third MCs I deliberately told people it was happening - I think of it as a political act, as MC is so invisible and so badly portrayed by the media.

Oeisha · 29/12/2011 13:38

I think I would have told me family if I had MCd this time (they don't know about previous MC as I was at Uni, it was very early, not confirmed [dr told me I was lying] and, well, it was very personal). I just didn't want to excite them, to then have to deal with my and DH grief and then deal with a hysterical Mum that'd insist on coming up and mollycoddling me and actually making it all 400x worse. She thinks we have that kind of relationship (when it suits her), we really don't...

LIG1979 · 29/12/2011 13:47

I am 7.5 weeks and I have told the people I would tell if I had another miscarriage - very close friends, MIL and boss. Last time, I didn't tell anyone except parents, in-laws and sil and bil. Only told the BIL and SIL because we were going to stay with them on holiday and they would have guessed if I didn't drink for 10 days. It was then difficult having to tell friends (who I needed for support) and work (to explain my several absences over several weeks of scans and an ERPC) with them having no idea I was even pregnant.

I think it is a personal choice - I stuck to the rule of waiting till the 12 weeks last time but wasn't sure why I was doing it.

buggyRunner · 29/12/2011 13:51

I go with the advice of only tell ppl you would want to tell if you miscarried.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 29/12/2011 13:58

Really up to you. I didn't tell anyone apart from my mother and had a miscarriage. I then had to tell people, work etc that I had been pregnant and now wasn't. I found that 100 times worse than if I'd told them in the first place. This time round I told anyone I wanted whenever.

Feeling like I had to pretend everything was ok when it wasn't last time nearly finished me off.

Xmasbaby11 · 29/12/2011 14:52

I told a few people at 8 weeks, incuding friends and parents and work, because of bad morning sickness and other things which meant it benefitted me to tell them.

I am quite an open person and I would have told a lot of good friends if I had miscarried, so that was fine for me. However, DH was very reluctant to tell anyone until 12 weeks - he is much more private than me.

blueskydrinking · 29/12/2011 15:13

I tell the people who will be really excited for us and whose support I would want if the worst happened (family, best friends).

I don't tell the people I wouldn't want to have to report any bad news to (students, annoying colleagues!).

Then there's a whole group of people in between (mostly colleagues) and I just sort of wait and see if it comes up!

Crosshair · 29/12/2011 15:47

I wouldn't tell anyone apart from very close family. I like to keep things to myself.

brettgirl2 · 29/12/2011 16:12

I was so sick that I was either pregnant or seriously ill. As a result it was hard to keep a secret either time.

voscar · 29/12/2011 16:13

I'm going back to work on 3rd. Following Xmas break. But sickness and nausea have floored me the last few days and if this continues I will have to tell work as I can't hide it. Im 7 weeks on sat

However we've only told immediate family to date.

voscar · 29/12/2011 16:14

Edit to add - I've only told immediate family. My oh hasn't been able to keep his trap shut!!

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 29/12/2011 16:34

We told the few people we would want to be able to speak to or need to tell if we had an mc. So my mum and dad, dp's mum, my best friend and my manager at work. I'd had an mc reasonably recently before I got pregnant this time so I kind of knew who I would tell if it happened again and that I wouldn't really want ti have to broadcast it to the world straight away, but really it is a very personal decision and depends on what sort of support you want or need.

OTTMummA · 29/12/2011 17:03

Well, I had such a look of shock on my face the day after my Bfp people ought someone had died, so I just told them, was about 5 weeks. I was 22 weeks last time I first found out I was pregnant, so can't compare really, I was just shocked and excited this time, it would of killed me to wait :)

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