8 weeks pregnant... It's a miracle so why aren't I excited?

[Snowboarder]

Title sort of sums it up. I have known I am pregnant for the past month. It is truly a miracle as DS was conceived via IVF and we had thought a natural pregnancy was nigh on impossible. I have also had cervical cancer (in remission) so ANY pregnancy is something to be celebrated.

The only thing is that DS (7 mo corrected - 10 mo actual) was born very prematurely by EMCS and spent a lot of time in NICU and SCBU (was whisked off at birth before we knew he was ok). I also had a horrible pregnancy with lots of bleeds, so you can see that pregnancy and birth do not exactly hold happy memories and associations for me.

I will need a cervical stitch this time around to try and avoid another premature birth. I should feel excited about the new baby but I do not. I don't feel anything negative, or positive - it's just like it's not happening at all. My mum knows and my best friend, and DH of course but I don't want to tell anyone else at all. I don't know if I can fake the excitement.

What's wrong with me? I love my DS more than anything in the world and always wanted two children before the cancer diagnosis seemed to scupper my plans, so by rights I should be over the moon. I am worried that the baby will pick up on my feelings, or I won't ever get excited, or won't bond with him or her when they're born. I feel horrible.

DH is pleased but is the type of person who gets excited when the baby is born so I can't count on him to chivvy me along much.

Any tips to help me get excited? Should I fake it and hope it comes?

It all sounds pretty normal to me, its a big thing and takes awhile to sink in. :)

Congrats and don't over think it! :)

I think it's completely understandable that you're apprehensive. I'm 18 weeks, people keep asking me if I'm excited. I don't have any reason not to be, it's what we want and I am pleased, but I'm just not an excitable person. I've been honest and just said I'm not really excited, just getting used to the idea. The only people who were funny with me about it were people whose opinions are as valuable to me as an unexpected fart.

There's nothing wrong with you - you are just protecting yourself and your emotions which is a very normal way to feel about early pregnancy for anybody who has had any pregnancy-related traumatic experiences. You'll probably find you get more excited as you reach milestones - 12 and 20 week scans, and when you get past the point at which your DS was born.

I found it helped to do things which 'normalised' pregnancy, and to hang around with people for whom pregnancy is still exciting and non-frightening. Antenatal classes, bumps groups, friends with young babies - all good ways to get yourself feeling positive.

It sounds like quite a good coping strategy for a stressful time imo. I'm also 8 weeks and, though I've not been through any of the tough stuff you have, I also find it easier to not get excited. It's nothing to do with how you feel towards the baby - if anything, it's because you want the baby so much, you are just scared of anything going wrong.

Dear OP. First of all congratulations!! I bet you were super excited when you saw that +ve result!
My story echos yours a bit. I could not conceive for a long time (male factor) and had 2 failed ICSIs (1 resulted in early mc). Then I got naturally pg but gave birth at 24+1 (dd died at 3 weeks). Now I am pg again and absolutely dread things going wrong. I am also constantly told "don't overthink it!", which is well-meaning of course but still patronizing, insensitive and ignorant (chances for preterm birth go from 2% in the 1st pg to 25% in the 2nd with the 1st pg being preterm).

My consultant is v supportive and reassuring that they will do all they can to catch trouble in time this time if it is possible. I am classed as high-risk and there are a lot more tests available/appropriate to diagnose issues at earlier stages (mine was incompetent cervix and subsequent strepB). If you haven't done it yet, make sure you get an appropriate care package and attention from the professionals you trust (the best is to find someone specializing in high-risk pregnancies).

I suspect that as pg progresses I will feel more anxious and not less as the danger zone for me is post 20 weeks (when the baby starts gaining more weight). That said, I am a lot more prepared this time and, more importantly, my health providers are more attentive. I am in the best hands, I will follow the professional advice to the minute detail and I will hope for the best!

Good luck!!

Oh, and I do not think you should "fake" excitement. We are all different with different experiences. Just do what you think is right for you, the lo and your family.

My ds was born in June 7 months prem , spent 4 weeks in Scbu . I totally understand how you feel . My ds was whisked away at birth only to see him a day later and he was very poorly. My dd suffered as I was upset , in pain from c section . it's just self preservation . You will be fine nearer the time .

Totally natural feelings imho. Defensive mechanism in full swing I suspect, but that is not neccesarily a bad thing.

You had a very stressful previous pregnancy/birth. And, not that long ago either.

I fell pregnant with no. 2 when ds was 9 months. DS had been hard fought for too, but a hellish pregnancy which had me off work almost the whole time. I always wanted a second but spent most of my (healthy) pregnancy in shock. I was going to have 2 under 19 months - I struggled to see how I would cope. It got better nearer her due date. We spent some time with friends with a boy 9 months older than DS and I could see that once DD got to DS's age they would play together so well. I focused on that. Still do

Don't fake it to the people who matter. Easier to do that with others. Everyone can. Do you ever tell the truth when people ask "how are you?". Even if you're the worst liar in the world, no one bats an eyelid when you answer "I'm fine".

Congratulations though OP. When no. 2 comes along you'll be so busy. No time for anything. Certainly, not worth wasting what little time you do have feeling guilty/negative. And if you have a supportive DH and/or family - use them to vent. Or come on here. Has saved my sanity on occassion too.

I'm currently 18+4 with my first, and until about 12wks (a lot of my friends were told around the 8wk mark), my stock answer to the question "So are you excited?" was "I'm s&$*ing myself!". Also, I felt rubbish with almost constant background nausea up to a couple of weeks ago (still a bit ropey in the mornings and if I don't have a drink handy when I'm talking in work), and I'm not the kind of person to be all happy & cheery when I don't feel like it.

Best advice I think I can give is sit back, relax, do what you can to help you & your baby, and enjoy the ride.

And Congratulations