My partner flipped when I told him I was pregnant

[Ashling]

I am 34 years old and 7 weeks pregnant, it was not planned although my partner and I were in discussion about having children in the future. When I told him last week that I am pregnant, he completely flipped and is acting as if his life is over. He won't discuss it and I am so stressed, upset and anxious. I am worried I will have to do this on my own. Has anyone been through something similar and how did it turn out?
I am also worried about my baby's health - which is making me even more stressed - thus a vicious circle.

Ashling congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope your partner grows up soon. I'm sure that if not before he will love the baby on sight when its born.

What do your/his parents say or have you not told them yet? Another possible source of support for you.

Folic acid should be taken up to 12 weeks but can be taken all the way through pregnancy.

Good Luck .

My parents know and think it's all wonderful. I can't really bring myself to tell them exactly how badly he's reacting, I feel so ashamed about it. He of course hasn't told anybody - then he doesn't really have to admit it's actually happening.
All of my family live in Ireland and I don't have many friends over here that have babies. Collectively we have a much less settled sort of lifestyle.
My biggest worry is if I end up having to do it all on my own. I know I am probably acting like a silly teenager but it is just so frightening !
Once again, I must stress this is my little miracle and I wouldn't swap it anyway, even if that were an option.

Well, to a degree, he's right. His life as he knows it now is over. BUT he's about to embark on a much more exciting and fulfilling life. He just has to get used to the transition.

Ashling, are there support groups you can talk to locally? Perhaps your doctor or midwife could put you in touch with other mums-to-be or local support networks just so you can share the pleasure/talk through the anxiety with people face to face. Key thing is to focus on looking after yourself. It's really disappointing your dp is behaving like this but the mental and physical changes that pregnancy bring mean that you need to concentrate on yourself and the baby. You can't baby your dp along at the same time. Just have to keep all our fingers crossed that he comes round in time.

Hi Ashling,
I am going it alone because the dad has decided he doesn't want to know. I tried getting him interested in the scans, baby's progress etc but to no avail. The way i see it, if your partner chooses to opt out, then ultimately, it is him who will miss out on the most fantastic opportunity to be involved with your baby.

Incidentally, that doesn't have to be a disaster area for the child either. Sometimes having a guy around who is useless/ambivalent/resentful is worse than no guy at all. I have brought up my daughter - now almost 15- by myself, after her dad became violent and we divorced. She has matured into a beautiful, sensitive & caring young lady, who is being very supportive now I am pregnant this time.

Give your partner time to adjust, but remember, if necessary, you can do it on your own with the support of those who care about you.
Good luck, and I hope it works out for you x

Well as luck would have it, my partner has surfaced from the abyss. On Saturday he dared to say the word "Baby" and told his family about it. He did apologise profusely for his behaviour. I suppose I should be really happy now but he has taken so much from me and caused me so much stress and upset over the last few weeks. I find myself mistrusting him somewhat and what it has done is made me very cautious - which I am not normally. I have a taken a big step back where is is concerned. I am sure it will get better but at least I've stopped crying Thanks to everyone for the advice. I will definitely be back when I need some more reassurance, it has really helped.

That is good news and if my experience is anything to go by you will be able to forgive his stupidity as all progresses well with your pregnancy