How consistent were your worries about dealing with labour?

[ChineapplePunk]

I'm just wondering if it's normal to worry as much as I am? Basically, am I phobic or just the same as everyone else? I'm 22 weeks and am having what can only be described as mini panic attacks every time I think about the process of giving birth. I've never really suffered any real physical pain. Never broken any bones, had major surgery, been involved in accidents, etc. I have no idea how high or low my pain threshold actually is. I know I have absolutely no option but to deal with the pain and way I can, and with the many pain relief options available, however, I'm still worrying my selfish little (bigger now) butt off. :(

Hello,

I think it is perfectly normal to be worried so stop worrying about worrying first! The idea of pain and the unknown of labour can be very scary but the best thing you can do is learn as much about it as you can so you feel prepared. I would recommend avoiding any scary stories and look for positive birth stories. I found this book really helpful: www.amazon.co.uk/Stand-Deliver-other-Brilliant-Birth/dp/0007153996
It has a whole section of good birth stories at the back which deal with most eventualities but all end well. Was good for hubby to read it too.
I have had 2 successful home births and am due to have my third in 4 weeks time and have found staying calm and believing in my body the best way to deal with labour. Ultimately the most important thing is getting your baby out safely so if you are very worried about pain just go for an epidural.
Good luck and try not to worry too much, labour is such a small part of this huge journey you are embarking on so try and focus on the lovely bubba you'll get at the end and all will be well.

Chill

I'm a born worrier, an utter wuss, scared of needles, pain and have been known to screech like a banshee after stubbing my toe...

I spent a large part of my pregnancy terrified, quizzing everyone on there birth stories which just upped the stress levels. I knew it would be painful but it was the thought of episiotomy/tearing that sent my stress levels stratospheric.

Childbirth is not as bad as I thought, or what people made it out to be, I managed the majority of the labour on paracetamol and wallowing in the bath, I had gas/air and a shot of pethidine for the last 30 mins only. My first comment to DH after the birth was something along the lines of I could do that again right now as the pain instantly vanished and I felt fantastic.

Dont have any expectations, you have no idea what is going to happen, every birth is different and you will cope with the pain, have lots of distractions. Good luck.

Hi ChineapplePunk - it is perfectly normal to be scared about the birth. Most of us are! You should read up on the actual process of birth as much as you can so you know what to expect - fear of the unknown plays a large part. Your body knows exactly what to do and you need to try and stop the fear in your head from battling against what your body is doing. Easier said than done! Also, hearing positive birth stories is good. I was like TotallyKerplunked and didn't think the birth was anywhere near as scary and painful as I had imagined. Good luck with it all.

I remember the mini panic attck feeling in early 20 weeks. You get so exposed to childbirth stuff that it almost neutralises it all!

Are you doing nct/ antenatal? That helps.

I also wondered what it was like vs breaking a leg. ( I still haven't broken a leg). But it's not pain in that way. It's not constant, and much more about how your head deals with it ( keep calm, keep resting between contractions) and not about how your body reacts to a sudden pain. You were meant to give birth, but not meant to break bones, if that makes sense.

If you want some positive birth stories. Anything by Ina MAE Gaskin will help.

Xx

Same as you, I'd never broken bones etc, but i don't think that makes much difference as it's a different sort of pain to any other - it really does totally stop after, and in between contractions. I was discussing holiday plans with dp in between them, even when about 9cm and on the hospital bed!

I agree nct/antenatal might help.

Good to know that others felt the same. I feel that I am pretty informed about the whole process of giving birth, and I've got my schedule for antenatal all sorted. They start in january and DH and I will be going to every single one. Already been to the initial physiotherapy class which was unfortunately for mums only. Just basic info though, that I was mostly already aware of.

I suppose one of the main problems is that people are SO keen to share their own little horror stories that I was beginning to wonder if it was possible to have an "OK" birth. You know, ones which don't feature agony, failed inductions, failed epidurals, third/fourth degree tears, babies in distress, mothers in distress, forceps, etc. Yikes! I know that anything can happen so, yeh, fear of the unknown is probably a massive factor in this.

Yeah it can happen - happened to me! 12 hr labour, 2nd degree tear but no stitches, just meant bit sore peeing for a while!

I would ask, did these people go on to have more children? Because, you know, most people do! So it must be worth it.

Childbirth seems to bring out all the horror stories. Those of us that have had relatively easy experiences are made to feel smug for talking about them. For some, it becomes like a competition as to who has the most awful tale. Which obviously is not helpful, particularly to first time mums.

Yes, some of them did. My sis had a baby last year, it was her first, so I thought, great, I'll get the lowdown from her. She doesn't sugarcoat but doesn't go in for dramatic effect either. Anyhoo, she ended up having an elective CS as baby was in breech and wasn't planning on shifting. So no sisterly labour experience to be shared. I know that's daft anyway, because my experience will obviously be unique to me. Seems like one day I am a paragon of rationality and the next I am a big quivering irrational wreck, grasping onto any straws that give me comfort. :)

Oh and I am pregnant with number 2 and would happily have more if this one goes ok as well. Although my mum had 6 of us and I won't be getting anywhere near that number!!

I constantly worried to death with DC1, it consumed my thoughts for months. I was told that I had a low pain threshold a few years previously so said I wanted an epidural in my birth plan. On the day itself some weird calm thing came over me (I'm normally Mrs highly strung/ worrier/ stresshead so don't know what happened) and I dealt with everything really well. No epidural, just gas and air.

I can only assume that mother nature took over and released some sort of hormone that calmed me down.

There's not much you can do and you might surprise yourself. I really regret all the worry first time around, it spoiled the pregnancy for me. As my DH says, "worrying is wasted energy". Just take each contraction as it comes and ask for help if you need it. You hear so many negative labour and birth stories but I know far more people who had simple, uncomplicated deliveries than people who struggled or got into difficulty.

Just remember that it's far more likely than not that you will be absolutely fine.

I had what was, on paper, a highly medicalised delivery: induction, epidural, ventouse, epesiotomy. And, do you know what, it wasn't a horrible experience. It was the day I got to meet my son for the very first time (and very clear in my mind as he's currently asleep next to me at 17 days old) and will always be awesome because of that.

The pain stops, drugs are there and, at the end of it you have a baby to hold.

Thanks, MarathonMama. I hope I have shed loads of that particular hormone released on the day. :) :)

I hear you, Pottering. BTW, I'm having a wee boy too. :)

How exciting! All I can say is that it wasn't the most pleasent 11 hours of my life but I would do it again in a heartbeat if needed!

I am 28 weeks tomorrow and alternate between resignation that the baby is going to have to come out and horror at the available methods for that to happen! However, this isn't supposed to sound smug and "be thankful for what you have" but I am currently being monitored for suspected pre-eclampsia and the worry over that has helped put the birth in perspective a bit. I am now more worried about safely incubating him for as long as possible than I am getting him out, IYSWIM. At least if you're stressing about the birth, hopefully that means everything else is going well (and I really do mean that in a positive and not dickish way).

i believe that hypnobirthing is a lot about learning to be calm with the 'pain' and learning to feel it not as the same as broken bone pain but as positive opening up and moving down the canal.. somebody might come along who knows more but i believe hypnobirthing is about training yourself to not 'bear' the pain but to embrace the sensation as a positive thing bringing the baby down the birth canal.

I have two DC and neither birth went exactly as I would have planned! I think you are doing exactly the right things, making sure you have all the information, keeping an open mind about pain relief options etc. And I kept telling myself that it is only a finite period of time, and like others have said.. You do find hidden reserves in yourself.
You could talk to your midwife about your anxiety as well.

Yes, LoveInASnowyClimate, everything seems to be going well so far. All tests and scans have been fine and everything is OK with my health up to this point (I am 41, so you can imagine all the negative aspects I was focusing on). I've got a midwife appointment in two days, so hopefully my BP, measurements, etc will continue to be fine.

I hope everything turns out well for you! I really do. To be honest, I do feel that I am being selfish sometimes, because I know I have actually been really lucky up to this point. In fact, even conception was a breeze. Being that bit older when deciding to start a family, I thought it was going to take us a while to get pregnant, and that there was a good chance IVF would be involved. However, I was pregnant within a couple of months. Apart from nausea, I've not suffered from any major side effects. No morning sickness or any physical pain. Everything has been more or less textbook.

I know how you feel! I'm down as a high risk pregnancy because of my health and have been recommended everything from a water birth ("should be fine as the water supports you, a c section could be very damaging") to an elective CS ("you probably won't be able to labour naturally and to try could lead to a lot of problems") so I have no idea of what will actually happen!

I panicked for a bit, but I'm in the care of very experienced medics and have a wonderful DP to look after me so I figure there is no point worrying about what ifs! Like you, I'm a bit older and thought I might have problems conceiving, coping with physical side effects etc but I'm now 32 weeks and had no real issues. What happens, happens and at the end of it I will have a tiny baby DD! If it's that bad, I may not have another, if it isn't, who knows!